Would you mind the constant contact ?

[jessiejaysus]

Lockdown with boyfriend of two years. I work a few nights per week. My man is wfh but has constant contact with his female
Friend and colleague. Daily up to 10/20 texts .Work related: jokes,photos ,articles of interest etc.
On the nights he has drinks, I notice he has more contact with her and tries to organise stuff with her after lockdown ends.she is up for this. She is divorced with kids and much older than him and he swears they are just friends and they werefriends for years before
We got together.what I recently noticed was that when she talks about other men and getting back dating, he ignores those texts or doesn't comment on them. He answers all other texts even though he is the one who nearly always starts the conversations.
He doesn't really text her on the nights he is with me. I work night duty. He is quite attentive when he is with me. He sees a future for us and talks about our future. I snooped.

I find it weird that you would go through a partner's phone.
dh and I have been together nearly 30 years - I've never felt any need to go through his phone, or e-mails, or any other messaging. In that time, he's had female friends he's been close to through work and through hobbies. I also have some male friends through hobbies (I mainly work with women).

I don't think it is strange suggesting "we go to .....when this is all over" to people - I think that's what lots of folk are doing. What does sound strange is the fact he isn't having those chats with other groups of people or other individual friends. That said stereotypically men don't tend to 'chat' like that as much as women do - I obviously don't know if your partner falls into the stereotype or not.

What you need to decide now is what you do next. To talk about it with him, and explain to him it makes you feel uncomfortable, would mean you would have to confess to going through his phone - not once, but 6 times. That could be a deal breaker for him. Is that what you want? Or does the fact he has a female friend mean it is a deal breaker for you ?
You've got a lot of thinking to do - but none of it is right' or 'wrong' - it is for each couple to decide where their comfort zones are and when they are crossed.

I will have to tell him that I snooped if I am going to broach this with him.
He will possibly dump me.
When we have discussed this before he said his friends are extremely important to him and he would not ever be told who he could or could not be friends with especially his female friends . I accept that is fair but his friendship with his colleague trumps all others and I feel I can't question the intensity of it.It really is intense.