I don’t understand how people are bingeing bidders etc.

[Nee35]

I don’t understand where I’m going wrong. I have literally not got a moment to myself. From the moment I get up it’s just rush rush getting breakfast, snacks, lunch then think of dinner for kids. Cleaning up their messes, doing an activity if I get time with them otherwise they running around living room amusing themselves. I plan but doesn’t go well - e.g. today I planned after breakfast we will go for a walk but my 4 year old had a tantrum that she wants to stay home and it’s too cold outside!

I just don’t get how people have time to binge watch box sets, clear out cupboards, find old photos and other stuff I keep hearing about. I keep getting “motivational” things on WhatsApp with people saying this is what you should do today (I.e. in terms of organising). By 7pm I’m shattered and in bed by 9 to start another day! Where am I going wrong? Kids are all under 5. Youngest just turned 1. The motivational things are from my mum friends do they have same pressures so I am lost how they getting do much time to do stuff.

I have one ds 6 and weve had a really relaxing few weeks.I think it helps that weve only got 1 though.

I also never understand when people say they are too busy to read books, like their day is so jam packed - why cant they Just read in bed before falling asleep?

Same. I think most of these people with time on their hands are either both working at home or not at work, or have kids that can look after themselves.
I only have a 1 year old and it’s impossible. We put him to bed, eat and watch 2 episodes of something or a film and then go to bed at 9.30. He’s hands on all day.
People keep telling me to put him in a jumperoo, let him watch tv, put him in a safe space and let him play with his toys etc etc. I don’t know where they got their one year olds from but mine won’t entertain himself for more than 5 minutes.
One of my friends said yesterday ah just sit him on your knee while you work, there’s loads of people with babies on their knees on telecons.
Hahahahaahhahaha ok ffs

"We put him to bed, eat and watch 2 episodes of something"

I mean, watching 2 episodes of something is quite a lot unless they are really short episodes. It's hardly no free time, is it?

@LoveIsLovely well that’s what I meant, we have our free time when he’s in bed, which is probably what a lot of people do. Sorry if that didn’t come across like that. I think a lot of the ‘motivational stuff’ that’s sent through about how you can ‘fill your days’ is more what OP was talking about.

I also have a 4 yo and a 1 yo. 4 yo is used to school, 1 yo is a whirlwind of destruction and is basically done with play pens, DH is working from home and very focussed and dedicated 8.30-5. The only things I have binge watched are paw patrol and peter rabbit!

I can only assume people having "fun" or bored don't have young children, or don't have mobile children. I think under 1 or over 5 or 6 or so depending on temperament might leave time for projects!

1 yo still naps (just about with a bit of a fight) so that's an hour and a half to give 4yo some attention.

Make some time. I have 3 under 5 and I have loads of free time and I’m on my own.

Cooking from scratch mostly as 1 dairy intolerant child. Shopping takes forever then we have to wipe everything down before putting away. Neither is going to bed well so lucky if both are down before 9pm!

@Macncheeseballs
"I also never understand when people say they are too busy to read books, like their day is so jam packed - why cant they Just read in bed before falling asleep?"

Some people are too tired to read just before bed, others would be woken up by reading a good story and then have trouble sleeping. Some people wouldn't enjoy a book if they are in danger of being disturbed by the minute during the day.

My eldest is 34, i was a SAHM and babysat for a lot of people. I now babysit for a few friends of my DD, who has my grandchildren.

Children, babies, toddlers, vary a lot. I've known toddlers who you wouldn't know were there and others who don't give you a minute. It isn't about teaching them to play independently some, as a pp said, some are accident prone/have high needs.

We don't expect Nursery workers to have a job on the side during the day, or be able to fit in 'me' time, i don't think that we should make Parents feel bad for not being able to do much outside childcare.

It's different than a parent asking for help because they are going into burn out.

@chiyo666

🙄🙄🙄how very helpful

@Nee35. Not all kids are created equal! Some require a lot more supervision, wrangling, input than others.

Do they all like playing with water? A couple of large containers of waters in the garden with cups/plastic utensiks/plastic toys can buy you a bit of time (or the Bath). Obviously you'll need to stay with thenm but you might be able to drink a cup of tea sitting in the sun

It's HARD when you have kids that don't just sit & watch TV or play quietly together.

Don't feel like you're doing anything wrong, you're not. Perhaps look to see where you can cut corners - are you working too hard in keeping the house spotless or making meals too complicated?

Tell me you're not wasting your life ironing!!

@Chiyo666, how? Do they play together? What's their sleep pattern? Do they have a lot of screen time?

I often have my two granddaughters and their friend and they play together well. But my three used to fight terribly.

Yanbu.

I am still working full time outside the home. My house is a tip because i have two teenagers there all the time, even if they do try to clear up it’s a big job for them and they have school work, fitness etc to keep on top of.

My garden really needs doing but no chance. Even if I had the energy I now can’t get hold of plants, compost etc.

Box sets, fuck off! Can’t remember the last time I sat down to watch a film. I usually tv on my phone while doing housework...

Sometimes i think it’d be quite nice to be furloughed and really get on top of things...

If I had little kids I wouldn't be watching TV as much etc, as it is mine are 20 and 14 so I get up, workout, go for a run, come home, make lunch, sit in front of the TV /garden, read, make dinner, read /TV again, bed.
Get up and repeat. It's boring but it's very very easy, I realise I'm lucky.
I look back to being a single struggling parent 10 years ago and quake, I'm not sure I'd have coped well back then.

People bingeing box sets don't have kids under 5.

I’ve binged a few. My DC is under 5. I’ll watch 2 episodes of something while he naps sometimes and when he goes to bed. Not everyday, but having a child under 5 doesn’t mean you can’t ever watch a few episodes of a tv program.

Even when all my kids were babies and toddlers I still watched tv and read books.

I think it's an age thing. When my DC were all under 5 I had no time to myself. Youngest are 5 now and it's so much easier. For example they can all play in the garden with the doors open and I can clean the kitchen/ do lunch/ laundry whilst loosely supervising ( listening for that pitch/ tone that means a squabble is brewing!)

If you can get a hold of one a kitchen helper not an open one but link below was a lifesaver when twins were one absolutely they loved it. They liked to climb out of highchairs so couldn't turn my back for a second but the kitchen helpers were amazingly accident free. Just gave ours away so you might be able to get it free/ cheap on gumtree.
www.wayfair.co.uk/Isabelle-and-Max--Cantu-FunPod-Toddler-Kitchen-Safety-Stand-V111705814-L7230-K~LIHE1008.html?refid=GX190833676202-LIHE1008_10211775&device=c&ptid=297325878876&targetid=pla-297325878876&network=g&ireid=107052650&PiID%5B%5D=10211775&device=c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw8eVpJjq6AIVg-3tCh3xrwlbEAQYBCABEgLeN_D_BwE

I have twin toddlers so my day is similar OP - but I have chronic insomnia so most of my binge watching (currently rewatching Supernatural)/ random tidying is done in the wee hours of the morning

The time from the kids being in bed to when you go to bed is when people do things like watch a film, read etc.

If I put dd to bed at 7, I’d go up to bed about 10.45, wash face and do skincare and listen to a podcast or read until 11.30.

I’d be up around 7. No one gets up before 7 in my house 😬

I have a one year old and pregnant with second, I definitely don't get time to binge watch anything. Was doing a part time course learning a new language and told myself I would make time to study, this usually only happens once a week, maybe twice whilst the baby is napping. And by the time he's in bed I'll watch about 30 minutes of something then have to go to bed because I'm so tired!

If you have two or more under five including a very inquisitive one year old then I think your days will obviously be extremely busy just keeping everyone fed, safe, and happy.

A lot of people don’t have any children, or their children are much older.

Mine are adults.

Sounds normal to me and what my life was like with three young DC. They are in their twenties now (youngest home from uni), other two independent. I am taking this time of lockdown to sort through the paper accumulated over the last twenty odd years including drawings and books from prep school that has just been shoved in the attic! Make the most of the time you have with them when they are young. You will have time later in life to watch boxsets and sort cupboards!

I feel a lot like you, working and child entertaining and keeping the house going, but I have a strict rule that the kids go to bed between 6.30 and 7 and then I watch some crap telly to myself for a couple of hours to wind down. I definitely don't do anything inspirational or tidy out cupboards!

@Ponoka7 yes the older 2 play together really well. Some days the only time I see them is when they’re hungry. They go to bed at 8, sleep through to 8:30-9.

You have kids of a very challenging age and no help during the day. Give yourself some slack, sounds like you're doing well actually!