To avoid online team social activities because they make me feel more lonely

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

I've been struggling massively with my mental health during the lockdown. I live alone and I suffer from depression and an eating disorder. I'm still working full time from home (and I am grateful to have a job that allows me to do that, believe me) and, I imagine in common with many employers, my team managers have set up various weekly meetings and social events which we all join on Teams.

At first, these things were welcome because they eased the feeling of isolation, but as time has gone on, they're making me feel increasingly worse. People chat on about what they've been getting up to with their families and their gardening and DIY projects. I live in a small flat with no garden, and when we all have our video feeds on, I can see how much everyone else's living conditions are nicer than mine.

The latest thing is a team quiz in the evening, in which everyone's "household" can participate. Out of a team of 15, I am the only one who doesn't have a household.

Am I being childish here, or would I be reasonable to opt out of all these things because they're really not helping me as intended?

God yes. Opt out. It sounds like your team are trying to do the right thing but there's zero need to get involved if it's not your thing.

Is there anything you'd rather the team (or smaller groups) did instead? As someone who has done a thousand Zoom quizzes in the last few weeks I'm sure people would be up for new ideas. But that's totally not necessary if you'd (understandably) rather not do any organised fun.

what do they mean by a household? other people in the house?
Yeh I don't blame you for opting out

I'm a mother but the last decade or so I've found mother's day intolerable because it's a ''who's got the kindest most generous husband ?'' competition and it just takes away from being grateful for the relationship that you have with your actual children and or they with you.

So I completely get it. I' don't see anything shameful about living on your own though. I'd be a bit boasty about it! Joke about it (if you do ever join in). There's my scissors, there's my sellotape, ''where I left them!''.

I would opt out.

PS, I doubt people's household will all obligingly join in! My teenagers would either refuse point blank or they'd say something to embarrass me.

On christmas eve, people bring in their kids and I've always wondered how people trust their kids not to say something that'd hang them. I skip that.

Yeah, they mean other people living in the house. I know that some people's spouses and partners are going to be joining in, and I can't bear the thought of all these jolly, rumbunctious groups of people versus me on my own!

I know logically that there's no shame in living alone, but it makes me feel pitiable. I'm 40 years old and my flat is obviously not as nice as the houses I see in the background on Teams calls.

my flat is obviously not as nice as the houses I see in the background on Teams calls

Personally OP I would take what you see with a huge bolder of salt. What you see in the background is what you are "supposed" to see, behind the camera however is a different kettle of fish...I guarantee there will be mess on the floor, kids toys everywhere and dirty pots in the kitchen sink. The whole "camera never lies" thing is just that, a lie.

I mean more that their homes are bigger, better furnished, and have outside space. Mine is tiny and I haven't been able to afford to redecorate or get new stuff for a while.

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling like this - I have depression among other things and it definitely makes me feel vulnerable and compare myself to others. It’s ok to opt out if you need to!

It really stinks. I had a family bereavement last week and our local council has banned anyone from attending either funerals or chapels of rest to say goodbye. I told my boss that I was feeling a bit fragile and would prefer to stay behind the scenes at the moment, and I think he's forgotten, because he keeps asking me why I'm being quiet

Only go to the things that help you, OP. I can see why jolly conversations about families and gardening might upset you, but maybe the quiz would be OK as you can still participate fully even if you're on your own?

I think the quiz will make me feel worse, tbh, because I'll be the only one in a team of one! I've already opted out of that, anyway. I appreciate that people are trying to construct some kind of team morale and break up the monotony of the situation, but I find it all very exposing.