Am I right to feel annoyed with my boyfriend?

[Petals23]

So I posted before about my boyfriend moving to a different town about an hour's drive away a couple of years ago... he followed a lifelong friend there! As a result we haven't seen each other. I haven't seen anyone I know in 5 weeks, whereas he's spending hours every day sitting in this friend's or his own garden and they go for walks together... his friend has a wife and kids. He said to me it's safe for them to walk together as they're not seeing anyone else. I was quite fed up yet again last night hearing about how they'd another nice walk, had coffee and cake in the garden etc, and I told him technically this is breaking the 'rules' and anyway this friend will always come first in his life now and they see more of each other than we do. Was I being unreasonable? Or maybe it's just the effects of my isolation.

hos friend will always come first, you deserve better than that.

This is mixing households unless he lives with his friend. He does seem to be placing this friend above you, sadly. Consider whether you want to be second place forever.

What’s the point in being annoyed? He doesn’t care about the risks, and he doesn’t seem to care much about your relationship. It’s your move now.

He moved away solely to be near his friend?

How was your relationship between then and lockdown? Did you have any discussions or plans to move in together? Be together?

Is he still working, where he lives?

I wonder how his friend’s wife feels about this and whether she wouldn’t rather it was one of her otherwise-totally-isolated friends who was eating cake in her garden?

Are they secretly together ? I don’t know two grown men, especially one with their own family, and one with a long term girlfriend, that would choose to spend hours a day, every day together?

Is he sleeping with his friend? Or are all 3 of them in a relationship together?

I left a partner over this kind of obsessive relationship OP, though in my case he was glued to family members almost daily, but the effect is the same - you, in last place, always. I wasn’t prepared to accept it and I don’t think you should either. Just leave.

My ex has been sniffing around every couple of years since by the way. It seems there wasn’t quite the future he thought there was in playing PlayStation with his brothers.

oh no - get away seriously. you'll be fighting with friend for attention for ever. I had a relationship like this and said friend got invited along to absolutely everything. needless to say, I got bored of this very quickly

He’s gay.

Or bisexual

His friends poor wife and children!
Wonder if they just wanted a bit of family time out of the house.

You haven't seen him in a couple of years since he moved? What are you getting out of this relationship, sounds like its run its course.

He's shown you clearly where you are on his list of priorities

No, I didn't mean we haven't seen each other in 2 years, just for the last 5 weeks since lockdown. We're together 4 years.

As a result we haven't seen each other.

Wait, you haven't seen him in a couple of years since he moved?

If that's the case then sorry, he's not your boyfriend, he dumped you a couple of years ago, he just didn't tell you.

Ah x post.

OK back to my original idea, he's sleeping with his friend/his friend and the wife.

@YinMnBlue No, we've never discussed living together. He has a longer commute to the city now. If I was to do this commute to my job it would take me 2 hours a day. I did a similar commute from a different place years ago and he knew my feelings on it, which is that I'd never do it again.
@LouiseCollina Yes, he sees more of this family than I even see my closest family. The three of them have been good friends for years, before I entered the scene, and he's godfather to one of their 3 children. I know there's nothing untoward going on! Being in lockdown has just brought it home to me that he's always going to see more of them than he does me.

I suspect, deep down, that you know what needs to happen.

You need to listen to what he is telling you.

'My friend and his family mean more to me than you'

A lot will change when things go back to normal. Please make this relationship one of them.

What are you lot like, he isn’t sleeping with the friend!