To not want my BF to speak to ex?

[Nebble]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, we don’t live together. In all that time he has stayed in contact, by phone and facetime, with his ex, they have absolutely no ties, if they did I’d have no problem with it whatsoever. I’ve asked him time and time again if he will stop all contact and he doesn’t see a problem with it . She’s nasty messaged me in the past gloating they are still in touch. He admits he is still in touch with her and says there’s nothing in it, they are friends and it shouldn’t worry me, he’s with me, I’m the love of his life he’s never gonna go back etc and I do believe that, however I feel out of respect for my feelings he should stop contact. I also feel the fact he’s doing this could give her the impression things are not great between us, it also makes me wonder what they talk about, he can’t talk about me and what he gets up to as it’s usually with me or his children because she hated them?. I’m not possessive in any way , I don’t tell him who he can or can’t speak to, I’m asking him, it’s just absolutely getting me down and consuming me even more now that we are self isolating and not together. AIBU?

it’s not for me to tell him who he can’t speak to

But that's exactly what you are trying to do. He openly told you that he was in touch with her from the beginning of your relationship. Take it or leave it seem the options.

He doesn't respect your wishes or he wouldn't be in contact, especially as she is so horrible to you.
What did he do when you told him about her gloating contact? Did he do or say anything?
I'd tell him it's not working out with the 3 of you in the relationship, and dump his sorry arse.

YABU OP. I'm still friends with an ex from years ago. There's nothing more in it - he's been a good friend for many years. We check in on each other from time to time and it's nice to catch up. Neither of us has any interest in the other romantically or physically but we were together for 4 years and we were friends before that! OP you seem to be projecting your insecurities onto his friendship, it blew up in your face a bit and she retaliated to what i'm sure she perceives as your 'mis-treatment' of her friend. I've no idea why on earth you think that you can dictate who he can talk to?! That level of jealousy is abhorrent in a relationship. If you feel you can't trust him, leave him. Don't for one second think that your immature actions are not the cause of this.

Doesn't she have any of her own friends to speak to or does she have to speak to him?!

I think you can be friendly with an ex, but probably not friends. At one point a conversation always goes left, such as "remember this place we went to, wasn't it lovely, you did this thing that was really funny, I miss it..."

Also, people who tend to speak to exs is usually because they have one eye always looking back.

I was in touch with an ex for a little while during a relationship, and it was because I did have a little difficulty letting go... And I knew that. It was only until I found my now DH that I realised I didn't need him and I found someone better.

@DelurkingAJ absolutely agreed!
Normally I would be on his side. I too am in contact with exes and remained friends with number if them. However, her being nasty is a game changer. If one of my exes was nasty to my DH, they would never hear from me again.

Op, "asking nicely because of your feelings" is essentially telling him... Let's not try to cover it in honey.