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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL and PIL - I am fuming!

15 replies

IAteAPrittStick · 13/04/2020 00:12

NC for this one.
DH was talking to MIL tonight when she told him that her and FIL had been driving from Birmingham to Northampton every couple of days to continue doing up SIL's house.
SIL lives in a different house, but has also been going down every couple of days to do this house up.
DH told MIL this is wrong (we haven't left our tiny 1 bedroom house for weeks except to go to the supermarket or pharmacy, and then only one of us goes). She said it was fine because SIL was going to the house on days when PIL weren't there. DH tried to explain how long CV lives on things etc, but it seemed to go in one ear and out of the other. PIL are both over 70.
Then she proceeded to tell DH about the neighbours who she has decided are terrible people because their adult kids are round every day. So she obviously has some awareness of coronavirus and what she ought to be doing. Then she asked whether we had bought a new house or were moving any time soon, like these are things we can do right now.
AIBU to be fuming at PIL's complete stupidity? I just don't know how to get through to them!

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 13/04/2020 00:15

They've heard the news, but I'd they think they're immune from CV in spite of being in the higher risk group, more fool them.

Your SIL should be telling them not to do it.

Don't waste your energy fuming...but its very foolish of them.

GreenTulips · 13/04/2020 00:17

Its an unnecessary journey

I hope they get fined

Original poster

IAteAPrittStick · 13/04/2020 01:23

@SandyY2K yeah SIL is completely enabling it. I just don't want them to get ill and I don't want them to make anyone else ill, either.
@GreenTulips I hope so too. I've never wished them bad things before, but this time, I really hope they get stopped by the police and given a good talking to so they understand the abject stupidity of it.

OP posts:

JKScot4 · 13/04/2020 02:22

Unnecessary journey but probably at less risk than going to the supermarket if they are not in the house together with Sil

Lynda07 · 13/04/2020 03:48

You're no unreasonable, they are being absolutely stupid and irresponsible but there is nothing you can do about it. I am acquainted with an elderly gentleman in Canada (I'm glad he and wife are in Canada :-), who seems to think everyone is making too much of the virus, tries to understand all the published statistics and objects to not being able to go to things he would usually be involved in. Even had a long trip to a holiday home in order to sort it out and close it up for while, then drove back of course

There is just no telling some people.

I'm 70 and haven't been out for weeks. I just accept it, I have food and drink, toiletries and cleaning stuff and am not on medication; if I was I daresay the pharmacy would deliver. However I'm not setting myself up as anything special, we're all different. I cope with my own company, always have but for some, getting out and about is important and they feel bereft without it.

If all they are doing is driving to your sister in law's house to do some work and then driving home, they'll probably be alright. Let's hope so.

You're lovely for worrying about them.

mathanxiety · 13/04/2020 03:59

Truly stupid.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 13/04/2020 07:16

Why are you only fuming at your PIL? What about your SIL? To make a round trip of about 110 miles every couple of days to do this is madness. They are all incredibly irresponsible and selfish.

We can't dictate how others behave, we can only control our own behaviour. However, in your DH's shoes, I would probably let my parents see my anger if my explanations weren't getting through to them. I would also speak to my sister about it. Has your DH spoken to his DSis about it?

If your DH has tried his best with all of them then, unless he is going to report them to the police when they next go, you just have to hope none of them catch the virus.

Some people just don't get it. You can't argue with stupid.

AgathaCroosty · 13/04/2020 08:03

Please don't take offence.

But its exactly this kind of shit thats going to continue the spread & continue the lock down.

Over 10 thousand people dead, of all ages.

Your family will be lucky if one of them survives to enjoy the new property at this rate.

Selfish all of them, on equal measures

LyndaSnellsSniff · 13/04/2020 08:37

Unnecessary journey but probably at less risk than going to the supermarket if they are not in the house together with Sil

But the longer the journey the more the risk of an accident or breakdown that requires assistance from other people and therefore increased risk of infection.

They’ve interpreted the rules to meet their own needs just like so many others are still doing.

TabbyMumz · 13/04/2020 08:43

I'm sitting on the fence with this one. It could be argued it's an unnecessary journey....however....they are doing up a house and government has allowed diy stores to stay open for a reason. It could be argued it's necessary for work purposes. Plus...noone is there when they are there. Less annoying than people going up parties of visiting other people in their homes.

GreenTulips · 13/04/2020 08:47

It might be less annoying but this isn’t paid work.
It’s not necessary.

They now have to visit stores for supplies, petrol stations, food shops in different areas, they may breakdown or have an accident or be involved in an accident.

Lots of reasons for them not to go.

Shameful.

Coffeecak3 · 13/04/2020 08:50

My dm is 84 and my db who lives nearest goes shopping for her. My dn has also sent a food box via Morrison's.

My dm however still gets the bus to Tesco or Morrison's and is delighted that she is put at the front of the queue.
She also visits a friend who makes a drink for her and puts it one end of the patio table. Apparently that maintains social distancing.

I've given up, if she's ill so be it it's just the potential pressure on the NHS that frustrates me.

Livelovebehappy · 13/04/2020 08:50

During this virus people are interpretating the rules to fit with what they are doing. My ndn is a builder and out at work every day working in an empty property, but one where the customer visits at the end of each day to check the work. To me, he shouldn’t be doing this, but he has his own mindset that this is okay.

TabbyMumz · 13/04/2020 09:36

Your non is a builder. He cant do that from home, therefore he is allowed.

Original poster

IAteAPrittStick · 13/04/2020 14:58

During this virus people are interpretating the rules to fit with what they are doing.

Yeah I think that's basically what it is. I personally think it's an unnecessary journey, along with going to DIY stores, buying lunch at a supermarket near the house rather than eating at their own home, going to petrol stations and handling the pumps. To me, it doesn't matter that the house is empty because it's still an unnecessary journey potentially spreading pathogens and increasing risk of picking them up. In fact, I'd understand it more if it was SIL's main residence and they were doing emergency work like fixing a burst pipe or a broken window (she has 3 houses) but it's not. They're doing it up as a project because they're bored. I just can't seem to disengage from stressing over them.

OP posts:

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