Feel like I'm setting DD up to fail.

[oliviaskies]

With this going on, I've been a lot tighter with my money, and it's got me thinking about how once my DD is an adult, she's going to be completely alone. She's asking for driving lessons for her birthday after quarantine, which I can't afford. Even if I can scrape the money together for lessons, there's no chance I would be able to contribute any money for a car or insurance. Once she goes to uni she'll be on her own - I definitely won't have the funds to give her literally any money. Reading through threads on here where so many people buy their kids cars, pay uni accommodation or food bill has me thinking I've just failed. I haven't even got any savings I can give her.

AIBU to think I should've done more?

My parents paid for my driving lessons, it couldn’t have afforded to get me a car. I got a Saturday job as soon as I turned 16 and saved up for uni and a car. I bought myself a 10 year old Ford Escort when I was in my 3rd year at uni, didn’t need one until then.
I think it showed me the importance of work and saving money. I got another Saturday and holiday job through uni, and now I’m 35 I’ve never not had a job. My relatives with more money seem to view work as optional, and have never quite settled down into a career.

Reading through threads on here where so many people buy their kids cars, pay uni accommodation or food bill has me thinking I've just failed. I haven't even got any savings I can give her

Stop beating yourself up.
I think there's a lot more parents in that position than they admit in real life.
Also, put it into perspective and don't let other people's lives make you think less of yours.
Your DD is already in a privileged position that many aren't - she gets to do a hobby that she enjoys and money isn't an issue for that, she has options for driving/uni/job that others haven't.
So what if she has to get a job/loan to fund her uni days, driving lessons and car etc?
Personally i think it's daft to shell out on a car and the expense that goes with it when you're not earning an income to afford it.

I get what you mean about wanting to 'give' her things or help her more financially, but helping her find ways to make and afford her choices in life and be independent is worth more......

Don't forget there are quite a lot of monied folk on here. We're not all in that category.

My parents struggled to provide any financial help once I left home, I was basically on my own. To be honest it made me a lot more motivated. I knew I needed to work hard to be able to be financially better off one day. I really put effort into studying, and even managed to gain two scholarships to help relieve some of the financial burden. It wasn't ideal but it all worked out in the end, and I managed to find a decent job once I graduated.

My son grew up in the boom years and wanted for nothing. He is truly useless and irresponsible with money. My daughter has just finished uni. She got a full maintenance loan and saved a good chunk of it into an ISA. I contributed nothing financially, there was no need. We have to see it as a long term grad tax 85% will never pay off, so the extra maintenance element she got because I'm on a fairly low, but very manageable, income is irrelevant. My daughter is responsible and capable with money, she knows what it's worth and how to make it work for her. She gained that from never taking it for granted. I think I've given her more by giving her less.

If it makes you feel better, we could afford to do those things but won't be. There is no better feeling than working towards something and achieving it. Your daughter has your support and that's all that matters.

My parents didn't help me financially at all but it made me much stronger and more independent. I always had multiple jobs - paid for driving lessons and bought my first car at 18. I was and still am so proud of that and I learned to manage money very early.