Aibu to think Dh is being ungrateful?

[Brahx]

Dh is 30 next month. He absolutely hates effort put into his birthday. He doesn’t like presents etc.

He does so much for us and never treats himself. Iv bought him a present that he knows and actually wanted and Iv been researching something that he’s mentioned that he wanted a few times but I know he won’t buy himself.

I mentioned to him that I’m going to get him
One more present and he’s told me he doesn’t want anything and that he’s upset that I won’t listen to him that he doesn’t want a big effort made.

Aibu to think he’s being ungrateful?

If this isn't a reverse then you are being ridiculous and childish. I don't understand why people can't actually do what the celebratee wants not what celebrator thinks celebratee should want...

Can you not just give him money?

I like a bit of fuss for a birthday.

DH not so much. I think I tried insisting a few times but realised I was making it about me not him, so now I just go with what he wants. He usually asks for jeans (and for Christmas) - the man has more jeans than he knows what to do with now but it’s a level of present he’s comfortable with and he’s always happy to receive them (there’s a particular high street brand that he likes they’re only about £30). I usually throw in some socks/pants/chocolates/ beer. I’d love to go all out and do something more special/personal but it makes him uncomfortable so I don’t do it.

The only other thing that seems to work for both of us is if I get tickets to something we both want to see - e.g. a couple of Christmases ago I got tickets to see a musician we both love, or for a special birthday I arranged a night away in a city we both enjoy visiting. It’s never on the actual birthday/special day and it’s just as much for me as him - which sounds selfish but he’s happy with something we can both look forward to whilst keeping the actual birthday low key.

Honestly OP just leave him to his wishes.
I've become brutally honest about gifts from DP and am now happy to say "I don't like it, I hope you can get a refund" but prior to that I would stress about wearing / using something that I didn't like / didn't have a use for etc.
As pp, you're making this about your wants not his, let him alone on his birthday.

No, you're not listening to him.

Plus you're trying to get a rise out of him by telling him before the day, either do it or don't, but don't make a fuss before he's even got the presents in front of him "oh I've bought you something SO good and I'm going to get you something else!" It's annoying, some people feel a lot of pressure to display the right reaction and you are goading him.

YABU. He spoke out loud and asked you to not make a fuss. You are now making a fuss.
Appreciate that we don't all like birthday celebrations or many gifts.