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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To TTC now?

18 replies

helia · 12/04/2020 15:46

I would like another baby. My first child is nearly 4 and we've been on the fence about having another one since he was born. However, earlier this year we decided to TTC in June as it would allow me to conclude some key projects at work. Those projects have gone out of the window now with the coronavirus outbreak. I think it would be wildly irresponsible to TTC now but if not now, when? When will it be OK? I don't want to add another burden on the NHS so does that mean waiting 2 more years? If you wanted another baby would you TTC now?

WIBU to TTC now?
Yes - YABU

OP posts:

LouiseTrees · 12/04/2020 15:47

What does your partner think?

brownandpurple · 12/04/2020 15:48

No I wouldn't TTC we have no way of knowing how this virus may impact a growing foetus.

Dishwashersaurous · 12/04/2020 15:50

You can’t put your life on hold, and you are already looking at a five year age gap which is big.
Perfect time as stuck at home anyway

OwlBasket · 12/04/2020 15:52

YABU

We’ve no way of knowing what the long term effects are on adult survivors, let alone a developing foetus.

Original poster

helia · 12/04/2020 15:54

My partner has wanted another baby for a while. More so since our nephew was born at Christmas. We are both of the view that we should wait a few more months to see what's happening but it's whether or not we should wait longer. I'm curious to see how others would approach this and what they would do in our position.

Yes, the age gap is the main reason for feeling like sooner is better.

OP posts:

Gastonimo · 12/04/2020 16:03

Speaking as someone who found out they were pregnant in December, this is a really scary time to be pregnant. I'm consultant led and I'm finding lots of appointments being cancelled and those that haven't been having to go into the hospital is quite scary in itself. So far the care I've received has been great, it's just there are a lot unknowns adding to what it already a scary time.
If I had have known this would happen i would wait. But then there's never a right time. All the best with whatever you decide

Original poster

helia · 12/04/2020 16:07

Wishing you well, Gastonimo.

OP posts:

Treaclepie19 · 12/04/2020 16:09

Same as @Gastonimo. I'm consiltant led after a TFMR in Dec 2018 and its not a nice time ot be pregnant. Found out in January before we knew what was coming. If I'd known I'd have delayed. My ds1 is 5 in September but age gap is less important than keeping us all safe.

lovepickledlimes · 12/04/2020 16:37

@helia I think so. How would you feel about potentially going to all the doctor appointments on your own? Going to the scan on your own? also this is a time of recessions and huge economic uncertainty. We are in the same boat about having wanted to try come july but that has been put in hold till next year now.

@Gastonimo I am so sorry things have been so hard on you. Wishing you the best

@Treaclepie19 wishing you the best

Pickupapenguinnnn · 12/04/2020 16:40

Sorry I think YABU. I think it would be very irresponsible. Why would you want to put a stressful pregnancy on yourself? Just wait.

Waveysnail · 12/04/2020 16:43

My thought would be medical complications. God forbid something g went wrong even in early days a d you needed hospital intervention.

EmotionalFlood · 12/04/2020 16:55

While this virus is around it would be foolish to try really... you don't know the damage it can do... also, 5 years is not a big age gap, there's 16 years between me and a sibling! To clarify, I love him more then my sister or brothers who are similar ages to me

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/04/2020 16:57

There are pros and cons to any age gap. There are huge risks in conceiving/pregnancy/birth now. Just wait.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 12/04/2020 17:00

but if not now, when?

Later? When you know it’s safe? Presumably you aren’t not about to begin menopause?

Lemonblast · 12/04/2020 17:00

YABVU.
You have the luxury of being able to plan a pregnancy.
Don’t plan it for a time when either you or your unborn child could fall victim to a potentially fatal virus.

Emmacb82 · 12/04/2020 17:11

I personally wouldn’t. I’m 34 weeks pregnant and the last month has been so stressful. I’ve had to go off sick from my job as a paeds nurse as my hospital trust were happy for me to put myself at risk with patients. Appointments are being cancelled, and partners are being restricted with visiting and staying once baby is born. It’s not a fun time and not one I would have chosen. Maternity leave is going to be spent inside, even if lockdown is relaxed, social distancing will still apply for a long time. Groups aren’t running, family may not even be able to meet my baby.
Obviously you’re not even pregnant yet and things will hopefully be a lot different in a years time. But I wouldn’t plan to be pregnant with the virus so present especially as no one has a clue what the long term effects will be.

Original poster

helia · 12/04/2020 17:24

Thanks everyone - you seem to be confirming my thoughts. Wishing everyone well.

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/04/2020 17:28

YABVU. The health care system has enough going on without people choosing to add to that.

Not to mention the risks of visiting a hospital, getting sick or the new baby getting sick, the economy, job safety etc.

An age gap means nothing, there is never a guarantee siblings will get on or even like each other regardless of age.

Flip