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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid with the school over this letter?

34 replies

hellsbells76 · 13/09/2007 12:53

My 5 year old DS has just started year 1. We had a couple of problems with him in reception year - not concentrating, being over-tactile with other kids, the occasional scrap - and after meetings with the teacher, instigating reward systems etc, it seemed that things had improved last term.

There was a (generic 'Dear Parent') letter from the SENCO in his book bag last night informing me that he had been 'selected' to attend a before-school 'Beam' session which is 'designed to aid children with gross/fine motor difficulties and who experience difficulties with hand eye co-ordination, sequencing, listening skills and concentration'.

I'm furious that I've been sent a letter listing a whole string of problems he could possibly have, but without even the courtesy of a personalised letter or phone call to identify why they feel he needs to attend these sessions. I'm really worried now, just as I thought things were improving. Obviously if he needs the session then I'll be happy for him to attend, but surely if a child has been identified as needing the intervention of a SENCO, the first step should be to have a meeting with the parents to discuss how we can all help him?

Anyway, just wanted to vent - I have asked the school to contact me urgently to discuss but wondered if this sort of thing is appropriate or just typical of the crap communication at this particular school?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 13/09/2007 12:54

Message withdrawn

maisym · 13/09/2007 12:55

I would have better to have spoken with you to explain and for you to voice your feelings on the matter.

gringottsgoblin · 13/09/2007 12:56

i got one of those last year. i was really chiuffed school were starting up a club to help kids who needed it.

gringottsgoblin · 13/09/2007 12:56

chiuffed???

chuffed

NAB3 · 13/09/2007 12:56

Completely different situation then, cod.

I wouldn't get too het up about it. If it was a generic letter then maybe all the children are going. You could ring the school and ask that.

hanaflower · 13/09/2007 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 13/09/2007 12:57

I agree that the school would have been better to contact you directly to discuss your child and their (and you own) concerns.

Do you not get to see the class teacher on a daily basis at drop off/pick up?

Original poster
hellsbells76 · 13/09/2007 12:58

yep, as I said I'm happy for him to attend if he needs it but surely the first step should have been to communicate with us personally? i have no idea which of this list of problems he's supposed to suffer from (motor skills seem fine to me, as does hand-eye coordination, he listens and concentrates brilliantly if his attention is engaged but can be easily distracted if bored...) it's not knowing what the problem's supposed to be and what we can do to help that's upsetting me.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 13/09/2007 13:01

I think it is interestringthat the people who aid my DS with his communication skills often have ....umm....poor communication skills.
To be honest I am actually just quite impressed that a) someone is observingthat some of the kids in the school may need help developing their skills in this area and b) that they are going to do something and even have a 'club' organized.
I think you may be more upset than angry which is of course natural.
I guess my perspective is spending years with parents whose schools won't even recognise that their child may have some slight issues, let alone help them.
So I think YUB a bit U but I think you are mostly worried.

A delay in getting these complicated areas of development down pat is not necessarily a big issue. He may just need catch up time and they are at least trying to provide that.

Original poster
hellsbells76 · 13/09/2007 13:02

no we don't get to see the class teacher at all unless we make an appointment. at the start and end of day we're kept in a kind of holding pen until they unlock the gates and the kids go into the playground/come out themselves. they seem to actively discourage parent/teacher meeting and communicate in these bloody notes

all the children aren't going, it was in an envelope addressed to 'parent of ' and specifically says he has been 'selected' for it, which suggests he's been identified as needing it. apart from that i'm totally in the dark!

OP posts:
LoveAngel · 13/09/2007 13:03

I agree they could have given you a ring or written you a personal letter. perhaps this is just the first step, and a teacher will actually get in touch at some point soon?

NKF · 13/09/2007 13:04

Why would you be furious? Are you sure it's not just anxiety taking the form of anger? If so, I think you should talk to the teachers from that perspective. They get enough flak from parents as it is. Hope the class turns out to be useful.

Original poster
hellsbells76 · 13/09/2007 13:05

i do see your point and yes i appreciate the fact that they're trying to do something, it's the way they've gone about it that bothers me. if there's something wrong i'd like to be given the opportunity to discuss what we could do at home to reinforce what's happening at school! maybe a general dissatisfaction with the level of home/school communication coming out here...

yes, probably more worried and upset than angry...

OP posts:
AnnabelCaramel · 13/09/2007 13:05

YANBU. I'd be livid too.

sis · 13/09/2007 13:08

I don't think you are being unreasonable - my ds had a similar letter when he was in reception but his teacher made a point of speaking to me first and explaining what the scheme was about and to reassure me.

bakedpotato · 13/09/2007 13:11

YANBU. School has behaved crassly/insensitively. I'd guess any parent getting that letter out of the blue would be distressed by it. Even if it's a positive initiative.

HonoriaGlossop · 13/09/2007 13:11

They have gone about this the wrong way. They should have discussed your ds with you; but don't let them off the hook, MAKE them see you. Make an appointment to see the teacher and the SENCO and make them tell you what they think ds' issues are.

Shame it's a 'before school' class though. Surely for FIVE year olds, what school should actually consist of is age appropriate activities that enable these fine motor skills etc to develop naturally rather than as an educational special need! It's not a 'special need' at five, it's a physical age appropriate NORM!

jeez. Sorry. This gets my goat. School just seems pitched wrongly for so many five year olds.

LIZS · 13/09/2007 13:12

They probably meant to have a word and somehow didn't find the opportunity. Think you should have a quick word with the teacher but take it as a positive step not negative. There are probably a fair number of kids involved.

alycat · 13/09/2007 13:13

We just got a letter saying my DD had been invited to join the 'Gym for Learning club' with a list of what it was and what it may be helpful for.

To start with I was a little horrified (how could anyone think my pfb dd was less than perfect in every way???).

Then I became more rational and accepted that they were doing it for her own good - clumsy, forgetful little whatsit that she is!

After 5 terms they told her she didn't need to come anymore - she was heartbroken.

Peachy · 13/09/2007 13:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable- a generic list of issues like that is going to worry any parent, they should have mentioned it to you.

LOL at the communicatin issues pot- the LEA has just bo$£%cked our SENCO and Head for lack of...... you got it! And what's ds3's primary need?.....

Anna8888 · 13/09/2007 13:22

YANBU. It is very inappropriate and insensitive to inform parents of this by impersonal letter.

Original poster
hellsbells76 · 13/09/2007 13:35

HonoriaGlossop - really appreciate your comments...while extra help is probably useful, a lot of this stuff should definitely be addressed in the classroom too. will raise that with the teacher.

alycat - true, I do sometimes wonder how much of his head-in-the-clouds, easily-distracted-unless-fascinated behaviour is normal for his age but have to concede he probably is more ditzy than the average! maybe that's just how he is though, I was the same as a kid (still am some days frankly)

OP posts:
gringottsgoblin · 13/09/2007 13:36

'he listens and concentrates brilliantly if his attention is engaged but can be easily distracted if bored'

'We had a couple of problems with him in reception year ... and after meetings with the teacher...'

sounds like you are aware he is having difficulties so yes, i do think yabu.

pyjamaqueen · 13/09/2007 13:39

I personally think these kind of sessions are brilliant. I do know a child whose parents refused to let him do them, but eventually when they saw how others had improved and what fun they were having, they relented. If you want to discuss the letter further, I'm sure the school won't mind you going in to see them.

AeFondKiss · 13/09/2007 13:48

I don't think yabu but I do think schools can be really bad at communication...

and if you are anxious then that is perfectly reasonable to me too, sounds like your school wants to keep a huge distance between parents and teachers...?

I would get in touch with the school for more info, I hope whatever your son needs, he gets....