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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why am I still hurt? Is this normal?

7 replies

Ginbunny1212 · 11/04/2020 09:10

Broke up with my ex in January. The break up was not bad and we stayed in contact. We just didn’t have time due to the distance and busy lives. He also has a complicated relationship with his teenage daughter and ex. He says his ex controls his daughters thoughts and when he can see her. He got low and upset when he couldn’t see her, so shut everyone out, despite offers of support.

Since mid feb we saw each other a few times and texted daily. When lockdown was coming he had to work from home and me nhs. We discussed doing lockdown together. However he kept saying he was high risk and wanted to stay alone, only risking it for his kid. His ex wouldn’t let his kid see him, as he was high risk. After 2 weeks alone he decided he wasn’t high risk (he has mild asthma), and said maybe we should, but concerned I work for nhs, so I was high risk. I also didn’t want to travel 45 mins to work (live 10 mins away), with long shifts. In this time I helped him with a charity idea abs hooked him up with connections.

Suddenly last week on Facebook he has moved in with a female friend an hour away from his kid, with hers, so definitely not going to see his kid now. He says it’s platonic but lack of communication hints it’s not. Says she is struggling and she us like his sister.

However, towards the end of last year he kept saying he had reconnected with a guy friend in the town she lives. Going out and doing things. However a Facebook look on her page ( I know I shouldn’t but can’t help), I can see what he said he was doing with “guy friend” was her. More things are starting to appear. I haven’t told him I know - I want to - but it’s really hurt me.

If it was a female friend, that’s fine, just say But the lies replacing a guys name when it was her, has hurt me. Looks like he cheated and moved in at first opportunity. He has form for that in previous relationships. He also said that he was honest and never cheated in the past. All his ex’s were crazy and I was perfect.

What’s really annoyed me was the statement that he was not risking going out now except for his kid. He has gone against that now and moved in with his “friend”. He is also driving back to his house each day to make his charity stuff, non essential travel. More lies. Why am I still so hurt. I don’t want him back, but can’t understand the lies!

OP posts:
SlipSlidin · 11/04/2020 09:13

Either you or someone with identical circumstances has posted this last week.

He doesn’t care about you, he’s in a new relationship, forget him and stop stalking their social media.

howmuchfood · 11/04/2020 09:15

Cut off all contact with him. You can't get over him while you're looking at his social media and talking him.
Delete and block his number and block him on all social media.

MrsEricBana · 11/04/2020 09:16

I would be hurt too. Sorry. You will find someone who is right for you, just not this guy.

Ginbunny1212 · 11/04/2020 10:06

I know I Should, but want Him to admit he did it. It’s closure for me, but not healthy. Glad I didn’t move in. I just can’t keep feeling annoyed he abandoned his kid. Moving somewhere were he will never see her. Despite saying he’d fight for it. Just not the same guy with the morals I admired.

He is easily distracted and jumps before he thinks with life decisions. Selfish maybe.

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 11/04/2020 10:10

I know I Should, but want Him to admit he did it. It’s closure for me
Nothing good can come of that just walk away with your head high and be glad you didn’t waste too much time on him.

Zaphodsotherhead · 11/04/2020 10:15

Right at the beginning you say you broke up. He's your ex. All this staying in contact and talking and all - it's just wasting your time. Unless you have a child together (which it doesn't sound as though you do) you don't need to stay in touch. Delete, block and forget. It's the only way the hurt will lessen.

Plonkers will be plonkers. What he does and why he does it isn't any of your business any more. Get out there (not literally yet, obviously) and meet someone fabulous.

SlipSlidin · 11/04/2020 10:33

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3871563-Need-a-talking-too-Why-am-I-bothered

Exact same thread here from last week.

Let it go op.

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