Might have to murder DP (lighthearted)

[lovegoodcoffee]

DP moved in with me just before we went into lockdown. He is a good and very kind man who treats me well and my kids think the world of him. I also knew him 30+ years before we got together as we went to school together and stayed in touch, but since lockdown, he is working from home and here 24/7. I am a key worker in a care home, so I am thankful for the opportunity to leave the house and maintain a sense of normality at work (even though I am scared on a daily basis because of the lack of PPE and you can't socially distance in a care home) and I am probably a lot more stressed than usual.

I was a single mum for 12 years before DP and I got together. My eldest is 21 and my youngest is 8. Both of my girls live with me, and as I said, they adore him. As do I, most of the time...

In normal circumstances he would leave for work before me and get home just after me, so I'd still have that bit of time to take a deep breath, then get dinner on and welcome him home. As it is, he is just constantly under my feet where he is working from home and he is doing my flipping head in.

In the last 24 hours ....

• Last night I put my eldest DD's favourite mug by the sink to wash it up and he walked past me, accidentally elbowed me and the mug got smashed. I was upset as it was a special mug that I'd got her for her 18th birthday and he walked out instead of apologising, then texted ten minutes later to ask if he could come back. I said yes of course, but he shouldn't have walked out on me in the first place.

• He offered to make potato salad as a side dish to go with dinner tonight. I willingly accepted the help. He boiled potatoes for about 5 minutes, then emptied a WHOLE bottle of mayonnaise into a dish before dumping hot (uncooked) potatoes on top. He'd also only cut up two potatoes when there are 4 of us for dinner. I had to ditch the mayonnaise, rinse off the potatoes, chop more potatoes and cook them properly then go to the corner shop for more mayonnaise.

• I sleep on a blow up mattress in my lounge so that my girls can each have a bedroom. I've done this for years. DP insisted the mattress didn't need to be deflated in the morning and as he was dragging it out of the room yesterday (which he's now taken on as his job) he spilled my coffee all over my work uniform. THEN tonight as he brought down the fully inflated mattress, he smashed an expensive light fitting in the hallway.

• I have a decent coffee maker. DP was trying to be helpful and make me coffee in the morning (and he knows how to use it) but he switched it on without adding the water and it overheated and died.

He also says fink and fort instead of think and thought etc, also Fursday not Thursday and barf not bath. It isn't something I had noticed too much (or I had overlooked) before he moved in, but this is something a 5-6 year old child should be struggling with, not a 40 year old man and it is driving me insane.

I recognise he is only trying to help... and he IS a good man, but AIBU not to have murdered him yet?

Fink? Yanbu

This is lighthearted?!

You moved a man in when you sleep on a blow up mattress in the living room? A man whom you've known for 30 years, but hadn't noticed that the way he spoke irritated you. I'm not sure this was ever going to work, sorry.

@TerrorWig the murder him part is light hearted .... clearly I am not going to murder him!

I fink ‘e’s a fucking dead man

He sounds as though he may feel a bit embarrassed or self conscious...they sound like ‘trying too hard’ errors!
But the dropping ‘Th’ sounds might possibly drive you nuts eventually...perhaps he has a problem with his tongue and can’t make the sound...are his teeth crowded? Food allergies as a child (just something my mum noticed about some people with lisps...trouble chewing and building up muscles...I digress!) Could you do a full Henry Higgins on him?!

The ick is setting in OP. I'm sorry.

He sounds like a man child and you sound like you're not taking the relationship seriously. A blow up mattress?! He should have stayed where he was

Why on earth did you bother? He's making your life so much harder.

@wonderrotunda ahhh Henry Higgins, I hadn't even thought of that. I love that movie, but yes you are right. I've tried to show him how to pronounce the thhhhh sound by sticking out tongues and blowing raspberries, which he can do and we laughed about, but as soon as it goes from that to saying the word, his tongue goes in and he says th-fink, or th-fort. AAARRRGGGHHHH

@MT2017 I have a 2 bed house and 2 children. I've been here 12 years and my youngest age 8 was a "surprise", so I moved out of my bedroom and got a blow up bed so I sleep in the lounge to give my two daughters their own rooms. I can't afford to move to a bigger place right now. My eldest moved back after finishing university and will be moving out once lockdown is over, so I will have my bedroom back again, but for now I am grateful to have my kids here with me and would happily sleep downstairs on the sofa or a blow up bed rather than know that my eldest is struggling to cope financially right now.

Oh no, I couldn't tolerate fink, fort etc. Thar alone is reason to be single!

Assuming you tolerate the finks and forts, is your partner is contributing financially?
If he is, could you invest some of that money in a decent sofa bed?
An inflatable mattress on the floor sounds hellish.

If his cooking skills aren't up to much, are there other household tasks he could take responsibility for?

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay yes he has been contributing financially. I have a corner sofa that folds out to a sofa bed but it is super uncomfortable. It was a colleague that suggested the blow up mattress when I went to work with back ache every day from the sofa bed. I'm not fussed about his lack of cooking skills as I enjoy cooking. I was just narked that he put a whole jar of mayonnaise into a dish then put hot uncooked potatoes on top.

I cant tolerate the finks and forts - it's doing my head in. I hadn't noticed or paid that much attention when we were dating, which is probs my issue more than his ... it's been since he moved in that it's all come to light.

Clearly you are very stressed out... You really need to take the focus away from him. You are projecting every move he makes and negatively shred it into pieces... If u continue like this, you'll lose him. And clearly he sounds like a decent person.
I'm sure he can project ur petty flaws too. This is not how to maintain a happy relationship.

Yabu

@Hannah021 he IS a good man, which is why I wondered if I was BU x you are right, I need to take the focus away from him as I am sure I have plenty of petty flaws xx

The Ick is setting in... but can I ask more about the mug? What happened? It smashed and he just left the house to avoid speaking to you or you had a row? Or he left the room and sat on his own and texted you? (I don’t mean this in a LOCKDOWN!?!?!!! way at all). Because I would worry about that and a lack of communication skills as a couple.

To be honest as soon as you noticed the f instead of th thing all I could think of was my ex who was middle class but made a huge thing of being very posh: held his cutlery like pens. It bothered me to the point of wanting to scream for three years.

How long have you been in an actual relationship? how long you’ve known him is irrelevant. Why can’t the girls share a room?

Agree with wonderrotunda. When I am nervous I definitely get more clumsy. Perhaps he feels conscious it’s your home not his. Had it not been for lockdown, you would have been able to go to his house sometimes (and break his stuff ). It can’t be easy going to work in a care home at the moment so any difficulties at home must be extra hard.

The ‘fink’ thing is harder. Where I live in South London, it’s really common (as in frequent). I just see it as part of someone’s accent. He would really need to want to change it as an adult as it will be so ingrained.

I also want to know why he left the house after smashing the mug. Did you shout?

@billhadersnewwife - Same !!!

@nettie434 - Re the accent I’m glad you said this. Where I live/my family that’s how we speak, ima ‘fort-een’ & ‘Ouse’ person. I actually get rather annoyed at comments re accents. It doesn’t make anyone stupid or uneducated but for some reason it’s an accent that is largely discriminated.

OP I’m sure if you were to flip this on its head, you could suggest to your DP about doing things that are helpful- so he can’t cook? But can he wash up, wipe up and put away ?! Maybe that way he might be abit less nervous ?! Just a fought.

The clumsiness I'd put down to nerves. Annoying though it is, it's sweet he wants to help.
The fink/fort part would eventually drive around the twist.

I wouldt like my partner to correct my speaking and make me practice how to do it right. It would make me feel like a child... in turn I imagine I'd make the kinds of mistakes he's making through trying to hard.

I think as others have said that you've just got to ick. Let him go and find someone who finds his ways endearing because none of it sounds intentional