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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to invent some children

78 replies

Anamechangewpukddoyougood · 10/04/2020 13:14

I work from home (all the time not just now) as a freelance consultant. While I work incredibly hard to set clear boundaries with clients I’m frequently contacted on the phone, via text and WhatsApp at all hours.

More recently with many working from home and our days disrupted there seems to be an increased expectation that I’m available at any time in the evening, weekend etc. This isn’t from one client - it’s from a lot (and also from perspective ones - e.g can we do our initial call at 7pm etc.

Now of course I’m well within my rights to say no for any reason, however I’m finding that where I usually just say “I’m not available then” that’s a bit trickier bearing in mind that I’m obviously sort of available as it’s not like I’m going anywhere.

While I don’t have children - am tempted to invent some so I can say “no I’m doing dinner, bedtime, looking after the kids”

Yes I know this is nuts - but am struggling a bit at the moment. Usually I’m pretty tough on this stuff but the pressure to do more outside of usual hours (not urgent things) is rising quite a bit!

OP posts:
category12 · 10/04/2020 14:18

As per pps, you need to say "My working hours are ...." and leave it at that.

You'll look totally unprofessional if you get caught out lying about having children.

EarlofEggMcMuffin · 10/04/2020 14:21

OP I am in a similar situation where my typical (pre-Covid) working week was partly from home.
For that reason, I am always careful to set boundaries and stick to them.

But, at the moment, that has changed.
Many of my clients can only do work themselves, early morning or late evening.
I am in a position with children that I can get up early and take those calls; or do dinner and then do a Zoom session.

I still maintain boundaries, but I have more free time in the middle of the day. It's just that where my working hours are in the day, that has changed.

EarlofEggMcMuffin · 10/04/2020 14:21

PS DONT LIE...not professional at all

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 10/04/2020 14:24

I work from home and have clear hours set, yet will speak to working clients in the evening, say 7pm or work at weekends when required, so I am flexible, but that does not mean that I have to accept calls at any given time. . I have one who rings at 9pm so I ignore him.

One client repeatedly rang at 10.30pm and kept ringing til I picked up, so finally I did and told him politely to stop calling so late or find somebody else. He is still my client 3 years later.

Switch on your email reply after a set time, ignore your phone etc. People will soon get the message. There is nothing so important that it can't wait until the next day.

LouiseTrees · 10/04/2020 14:26

@Anamechangewpukddoyougood you could be volunteering for the nhs, looking after a vulnerable partner or whatever not just looking after kids so no need to event them. Just say I’m so sorry that doesn’t fit with family and work commitments. Then state a time that does work.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2020 14:26

Sometimes I ask myself would someone treat a man like this or expect this of a man? The answer is no. Be a man about this.

BringMeSunshineInMyLife · 10/04/2020 14:29

Sometimes I ask myself would someone treat a man like this or expect this of a man? The answer is no. Be a man about this.

This isn't about sex. It is about being a freelance contractor.

anothernotherone · 10/04/2020 14:30

Nobody will respect the fact you do your fictional children's dinner/ bath/ bed routine fro 6pm until 8pm anyway. Those who ignore a polite request not to call you after 6pm will ignore it in exactly the same way if you claim it's because of childcare.

Even if they do they'll then

a) complain that your work isn't up to its usual standard because you must have been distracted by your children, and refuse to pay full price

b) bei faux understanding and considerate and call you at 9, 10 or 11pm because the kids will be asleep and you'll be working til midnight to compensate for the half arsed job you did 9-5 while juggling childcare and work.

LolaSmiles · 10/04/2020 14:31

Sometimes I ask myself would someone treat a man like this or expect this of a man? The answer is no. Be a man about this.
I think they might actually, on the grounds that obviously a man would be devoted to his career and wouldn't be troubling himself with housework and/or childcare on an evening.
The sort of person who is expecting others to drop everything for them at 10pm would do that for anyone.

wanderings · 10/04/2020 14:33

Don't invent children - you'll get into a Hugh Grant situation as in About a Boy, where he buys a car seat to make a concession to his two-year-old son Ned's reality: the most expensive car seat in the store, a huge bright blue contraption that looked as though it might last Ned until he were a father himself.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2020 14:33

This isn't about sex. It is about being a freelance contractor.

I am a freelance contractor that happens to work with many male and female contractors. The men set their boundaries and no-one encroaches upon them. The women tend to want to 'do it all' for 'everyone' and thus erase their boundaries. Don't start.

BringMeSunshineInMyLife · 10/04/2020 14:34

The whole point about being freelance consultant is that you set your own terms and conditions of work (IR35 and all that).

So just make sure that the contracts you issue are clear and that you address your working hours with them when negotiating work.

Then the commissioner makes their choice.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/04/2020 14:35

I think they might actually, on the grounds that obviously a man would be devoted to his career and wouldn't be troubling himself with housework and/or childcare on an evening.

Which is separate from expecting a man to bend himself out of shape for you in the first instance. A man might very well be hugely invested in his career with his wife/house as an after thought but that's not the subject of the thread. Boundaries and crossing them is. The OP is thinking about INVENTING children. A man would just say "no" in this instance - not invent children as an excuse.

user1487194234 · 10/04/2020 14:37

In normal times I don't take calls /respond to emails in the evening or at weekends
But for me these are not normal times and I need all the work I can get

jesseateathesaurus · 10/04/2020 14:40

As a freelancer it's up to you to manage your hours, so set yourself some reasonable 'office' hours and stick to them.
My DP is now WFH fulltime instead of PT and is getting calls at all hours because suddenly people who aren't used to WFH all the time don't seem to realise that there should be boundaries.

custodiandiscount · 10/04/2020 14:42

"No I'm sorry, I have other commitments" sounds professional but includes your commitment to spend time on your sofa in your jim jams. Not that they need to know this!

Solutions: work phone, electronic diary to book slots, out of office and the discipline not to check or answer.

For some senior or self-employed positions you will need to be more flexible of course, but it's your decision whether maintaining some work-life balance is worth it. This isn't just going to last a few weeks, so you need to set some boundaries or work can take over your life.

LolaSmiles · 10/04/2020 14:47

Which is separate from expecting a man to bend himself out of shape for you in the first instance. A man might very well be hugely invested in his career with his wife/house as an after thought but that's not the subject of the thread. Boundaries and crossing them is. The OP is thinking about INVENTING children. A man would just say "no" in this instance - not invent children as an excuse.
My point is that someone may well expect any freelancer to be contactable at whatever time, and the onus is on the freelancer to draw the boundary. I don't think it's about people expecting different levels of contactability based on whether a freelancer is a man or a woman.

I don't think they're expecting the OP to be contactable because she's a woman and they'd not contact a male freelancer on an evening. If anything they may (wrongly) assume that the male freelancer is more contactable at all hours.

They're not eroding the OP's boundaries because she hasn't set any.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/04/2020 14:49

crosspelican’s approach is the way to go. It not only, totally reasonably, sets your boundaries for today, it sets you up for continuing to enforce boundaries throughout you relationship with them.

emmathedilemma · 10/04/2020 14:49

Do not invent children, that will not end well! I think you need to be a bit understanding of those who do have kids though - many people are in an unusual situation at the moment and juggling work with childcare. I've got colleagues working split days e.g. early morning and evening, working more days but longer hours, all sorts of combinations going on to be able to manage both.
If you don't want to adapt to suit your clients in the short term (and only you know what the consequences for your business could be of not doing this) then i think you need to be very firm with yourself - set yourself office hours, put these on your email signature, turn the phone off outside these times.

TBRuton · 10/04/2020 14:52

I wouldn't lie, it'll be found out at sometime!

ravenmum · 10/04/2020 14:53

Also a freelancer and just tell people my working hours. And store numbers in the phone so I can see who to answer.

Embracelife · 10/04/2020 14:56

"I am on another call then how about 0o.30 on tuesday
"
"I m out of the house picking up a prescription/shopping/exercise"

All true and or believable. . No need to invent kids!

PegasusReturns · 10/04/2020 14:56

Tell them you have other commitments or that you don’t work after 6pm.

Definitely don’t invent children.

But accept that these are unusual times and many parents (mostly women) are trying to juggle a FT job around childcare. In the same way you can set boundaries they can choose to stop working with you - as I did with a contractor earlier this week.

ravenmum · 10/04/2020 15:02

And no, don't tell them that you need down time, or that you have family commitments, or that you have another client, or anything. Just say "Sorry, that's outside my working hours". They can find someone else with different working hours. Give them some tips on where to look if necessary.

ravenmum · 10/04/2020 15:04

If I phoned my tax advisor or whatever and asked about an appointment at 7pm I'd think it was bizarre if he told me he was going to pick up a prescription or go jogging. Does not sound professional at all.