To feel like I’m losing the plot with neighbour noise during lockdown?

[ThursdayPLaine]

I live in a first floor maisonette with my husband, just turned one year old and dog. We bought the flat four years ago and discovered that the sound insulation is terrible upstairs and downstairs. Our previous downstairs neighbours had two (later three) small children and we could hear everything - we never complained as you expect to hear daily living in a flat. They moved out two years ago and our current neighbours (a couple, no children) moved in. They have always been noisy (music blaring, television turned up to full blast, shouting and arguing) but as they both worked full time then we tried to ignore it, to avoid bad feeling. Ironically, they seem to be noise averse themselves and the noise has increased since our daughter was born - turning on music if she cried, for example. They have also been aggressive and threatening to us - once coming around to scream that our dog (elderly, mostly sleeps, hardly ever makes any noise) needed to be put down. He had barked because their music was so loud that it was bothering him. As I’ve been on maternity leave and here all the time then it has caused me a lot of stress and really affected my mental health living here - I feel constantly on my edge and anxious. I feel like a terrible mum because if my daughter makes any noise then I’m always worried about the neighbours

I was getting through because we have saved really hard for the last four years and had managed to find a beautiful house to move to. We’ve really struggled to sell our flat - it has taken us 18 months (including a sale that fell through) to find a solid buyer. We were due to exchange and move within the next few weeks when lockdown happened Our neighbours are not working and the noise problems are now happening for hours everyday. It is really affecting me - sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. My husband is a key worker and working long hours, so I have the worry about him on top of being on my own looking after my daughter. Our daily exercise needs to be a dog walk so for the rest of the time we are stuck indoors and I’m really struggling with the noise. I don’t feel we can approach them due to their past behaviour and I worry that escalating it to their landlord will make the situation even more worse. They know how bad the insulation is and they know that I am mostly on my own with a baby but they don’t care. I know lockdown is the right thing and I will obviously stick to the rules but I feel like I’m losing the plot - I can’t bear the thought of months more of this.

How can I get through this? Not sure how to cope at the moment

Some removals companies are still
working, you could perhaps look into that.

Do you have family you could go and stay with? I think that could count as a medical necessity and you could self isolate in their home for the correct period to make sure you didn’t infect them.

Just here to sympathise with OP I wish I had some magical advice for you but I don’t I 100% agree that this should be a time when we are all a bit more considerate towards each other.

@fingersandtrainers I’m in a similar boat, totally get it’s their garden to enjoy but it’s every time there’s even a hint of the sun and it’s so loud. Makes sitting outside in my lovely garden a nightmare. It’s not music though, they blast the TV outside! One day they were in the back garden and I could hear it well over my TV in the front room so I politely asked them if they would turn it down a smidge and was told to f-off and stop being controlling.. delightful! Then they start with the TV again on surround sound steroids when they eventually go inside!
I am fortunate to be able to stay with my parents during lockdown (although not ideal being a 27yo expectant mum sleeping on my parents sofa away from my partner) but my stress levels have gone way down.

Will be selling the house when I can!

So completely understand why OP doesn’t want to contact landlord there’s no reasoning with some people! We just have to keep reminding ourselves it won’t be forever. I really hope all goes well with your house move and you are out of this situation soon enough!

I’m thinking about taking the baby and the dog to stay with my mum, if this goes on much longer. Complicated for a variety of reasons but might need to do it for sanity’s sake. Will be a last resort as it would be very hard on my husband as he wouldn’t be able to come

@catmamdo Good luck with your pregnancy and the birth! Hoping it all goes well for you, especially if your baby is due soon. Glad your stress levels have gone down, so important anyway but particularly when pregnant. I also understand that people have the right to enjoy their own homes but why does this have to be at the detriment of others, particularly at a time like this? Some people’s selfishness is really quite stunning

Try playing some loud white noise on your tv/laptop/phone. There's loads of different types to choose from on youtube. It won't completely block it out, but it may help reduce the severity of it.

@catmamdo Oh gosh, yes, 8 months pregnant here too and our neighbours were out in the garden until 1am last night playing music and then straight up by midday doing it again. Just loud cackling, talking and playing music for hours and hours. They totally have someone who doesn't live there round too. Unfortunately it's never loud enough to go bananas (apart from last week when we had a full on barney with them) but they've kept it incessant and loud enough for the past few sunny afternoons. What is wrong with people? I'm basically going to give myself the summer and see how they are but i'll be off if there's no change!

Loads of sympathy here for everyone having to endure noise, it really is mentally destabilising at a time when i'm feeling anxious enough anyway. Also, I get we all have to stay in, but it is a flipping national emergency and not an excuse to party constantly. Keeping my fingers crossed for everyone!

These people are the absolute scum of the earth.

There is no need to blast music so loud that it threatens the mental health of your neighbours.

I’m so sorry for you OP, in your shoes I would be straight on to their landlord and I wouldn’t care less if they were evicted because of it. They deserve it.

@fingersandtrainers do we have the same neighbours!? haha
My partner text me this morning and told me they had music on in the garden until daft o’clock last night, cackling and drinking and they definitely had guests round!

As soon as lockdown is over house will be up for sale the stress of moving house with a baby will be nothing compared to the mentally draining despair I currently live in

OP I’m thinking of you, there’s just so much uncertainty over the end of lockdown and when you will be able to move. I keep saying it won’t be forever though it may feel like it now but it won’t be!

@Starksforthewin you absolutely hit the nail on the head! They are scum!

I am also terrible with ear plugs/headphones as even when I have them in I think hmm I wonder if they’re still being loud and have to take them out and listen and then wind myself up even!

@fringeandtrainers so sorry I got your username wrong!

@catmado that's ok. Gad, I know the feeling. I go out into the garden and check. It's just so inconsiderate. I've got a 3 year old already and we only moved here 7 months ago but it's not really working out (for other reasons too, but this is definitely making me think we'll get out sooner)
I'd love to see my parents in all this but just not possible. Stay calm all!

No advice but I'm in a similar situation ☹️ I live in a semi-detached house and my neighbours are a nightmare. She is a drunk, she usually works a couple of days a week so it was drunk swearing/screaming/singing on Thursday/Friday and Saturday nights until 4am but since lock down she has moved her sister and all her sisters kids in so it is constant screaming/arguing/swearing/throwing things ..... The only time it's quite is between 4am and midday before they start again.
I'm a keyworker so am trying to work long shifts on little sleep. My husband and I had planned to put our house on the market but with lock down we just have to put up with it.
It's a shame as I love my house and the location. I know that when we move we will have to compromise on something and I hate that my neighbour is causing this big change in my life.

I hope you're move goes well.

I totally get you. We call our upstairs neighbor Colossus as he stamps around. He also plays his music at stupid volume and has bassy speakers on the floor. Music was so loud one of our visitors thought there was a disco. We have same landlord and he won't do anything

I run most days at the moment and as I head through the next village, there are 2 separate houses which have loud music blasting from their gardensno matter what time I pass. Dp and I feel so bloody sorry for their neighbours.

I just cannot fathom the selfish mindset of people who think this is ok.

I can completely empathise. Why not write a polite letter cc-ing landlords, police etc whoever necessary, setting out your plight politely? Maybe ask to chat with them with your other half there to? If it's not possible please please consider contacting your GP for anxiety medication just to see you through this period xxx it will end xxx

So sorry for everyone in this situation, it’s so mentally exhausting but especially at a time when we are all anxious anyway. And I imagine especially so when you are pregnant @catmamdo @fringeandtrainers The solidarity has helped me feel a bit better thanks everyone, it does help to not feel so on my own with it - although I wish none of us were suffering due to our selfish neighbours

@fringeandtrainers Completely agree - the number of people who seem to think they are on an extended jolly is astounding. My view is that we should be all be trying to make this difficult time as easy as possible and to be as considerate as we can to other people. Just wish everyone else shared this view too.

@catmamdo @fringeandtrainers I also check the noise when I hear it 🤦‍♀️ I’ll have music on to try to take the edge off of hearing theirs and I’ll hearing it thumping out so I then mute mine for a second to confirm it is theirs... I don’t why I do it as it only winds me up even more! I suppose it’s due to being on edge all the time - it is so hard to relax, even when it is quiet, and I’m always on the alert for what they will do next.

@Starksforthewin Definitely not worried about getting them evicted but really worried that they will retaliate about any complaint. They know that I’m largely on my own with a baby but don’t care and, to be honest, I think a lot of it is on purpose. And their landlord knows about the problems we had with them previously but did absolutely nothing. We didn’t push because we had a hardly sleeping four month old at the time and were completely exhausted, so didn’t have the mental headspace to push. A mistake, in hindsight @barbedbloom So sorry that your and their landlord won’t do anything - it’s shocking that they’ll happily take your rent but won’t do anything to help with your quality of life. Can you move when this is all over?

All these terrible neighbours do make me a bit nervous for our next move - desperate to avoid a similar situation again and have done as much due diligence as we can but you just never know 😬

Good luck all! My husband has been off work today and it has been so lovely to have his support, not looking forward to tomorrow. Just want to get up and look forward to a day with my little one, not worry about what my neighbours are going to do

I really feel for you. I had a similar situation once and it starts to send you barmy! But you’ve got a great reason to go to your Mums, one is this horrible situation, the other is evading catching anything off your partner. Not long before you move so try to make lockdown pleasant by escaping!

I'm so sorry for you, this is a horrible situation. I use a white noise app on my phone, sometimes played through headphones and sometimes just out loud. I find it doesn't cancel noise but it helps me to deal with it. Ear defenders can help, also pluggerz are great, soft earplugs that are comfortable and take the edge off. MY SYMPATHY!!

@ThursdayPLaine Totally agree. It's lovely to hear children playing and barbecues and even the odd bit of DIY while people try and just get on. I totally don't even mind the odd bit of music. Our neighbours again were in the garden from 1pm til 1am chatting, playing music while my partner and I just gritted our teeth. We had to ask for them to turn it down when it thumped through our walls at 5pm. Which we were shot evil looks for! And it went down a hair fraction. What I want to know is WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT???? My partner and I are catching up on films and of course we chat but not for 12 solid hours. Can only presume it's that mildly inebriated chat that goes on and on and on....
Literally just e-mailed my mortgage broker with 'hi, we only moved in 7 months ago, but it's not working out....'
Fingers crossed you have a better day today,

I feel your pain have same problem phoned landlord only to get same response for the past 4yrs hoping to move after lockdown or I'm going to be arrested.🤬

My sister had a downstairs apartment and an upstairs neighbour who was slightly deaf, but had their TV at ridiculous levels.

She was at breaking point so when she went on holiday,we took over her apartment for the two week period, whilst she was away, every time they had their TV up loudly, we turned ours up super loud and went out for a few hours. Day in, day out for a good few days, we eventually got a note through the door, complaining of the noise. We replied that my sister was out all day from 7.00 to 7.00 and they had twelve hours to indulge themselves.

She never heard their TV again.

Harsh but fair.

You sound like my sister lol

If you are moving do not make any Complaints to council under any circumstances at all.
This is because on searches you have to declare if you have had neighbour issues if you don't declare this and the new owners find out then it's a solicitor matter lying on searches.
If however you have no formal paperchase you only need to say yes they are noisy but no problem to us and you are in the clear.
Pity new owners though but all is fair in property purchases