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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire solicitor or not?

60 replies

penguins79 · 09/04/2020 22:57

Ugh just wrote out my whole post but erased by mistake. My apologies if this appears twice

Back story: I used to be in business with 2 other people. Partner 1 always bullied me and treated me terribly. Partner 2: we always had a good relationship one on one but when there was conflict within the group he would always side with Partner 1

Things reached a breaking point late last year where I decided I needed to leave and we were faced with trying to figure out how to split the business up in order to give me my share.

We all three decided to use mediation and it has been going well. I honestly thought we could finish all this within the next 4-6 weeks

Until this morning. Mediator just called me this morning to let me know that Partner 1 had hired a solicitor who will be joining our call.

I was shocked and called Partner 2 saying I guess I needed to interview some people so I could have a solicitor there just to be fair.

His response was, why are you escalating this? First and foremost we are all friends here and there's no need to involve solicitors that's why we chose mediation. His reasoning that partner 1 told him (she and I aren't speaking) is that she is so busy homeschooling her kids that she just needs an extra pair of ears being in that meeting.

So what should I do? Hire a solicitor or not? Partner 2 is important in this process as ultimately all 3 of us need to agree on this and he seems to somehow blame me for wanting to also have representation there.

But if I don't hire someone I feel like I will be at a disadvantage.

Aibu: don't hire
Yanbu: hire

And what should I do about the fallout and partner 2 to make sure he doesn't totally turn against me?

OP posts:
Angelw · 10/04/2020 04:30

You need a lawyer full stop. You are talking big money here and I’m just wondering why you need to ask partner 2? Get a lawyer and fast.

zombiepara · 10/04/2020 04:34

Lawyer for sure!

Failedtothinkofanythingorigina · 10/04/2020 04:50

Mediation is fine for those sums of money (it's a formal method of dispute resolution). It's just you need legal advice or you don't know what you're entitlements are.

Paperplain · 10/04/2020 04:54

I'm a lawyer and you absolutely need a lawyer. Even if A didn't have one, you certainly should given you are trying to exit. You need legal advice and to reach any form of mediated settlement it will need to be in writing which most certainly should be reviewed by a lawyer at that point anyway. So yup, layer up and don't be afraid to say you are. Seriously, the other partner doesn't want to "escalate" things as it could mean you not going away with a little as they are trying to get away with. Please think of yourself and your future in this.

Paperplain · 10/04/2020 04:56

And actually, any mediator worth their salt would raise the inequity of one party having legal representation and another being encouraged not to. It stinks. Any form of settlement should say anyway that each party has sought independent advice - and why wouldn't you?!

Failedtothinkofanythingorigina · 10/04/2020 05:16

Agree with with paperplan on her last point in particular. I've been assuming this is a proper accredited mediation centre but it's worrying that they haven't suggested lawyering up. This isn't my area though!

filka · 10/04/2020 05:56

For that sort of money, definitely a lawyer. They will know how to protect your residual value. You are right not to leave equity in a private business where you have no control and have lost trust in the co-investors.

Reginabambina · 10/04/2020 06:03

Mediation often doesn’t work for lack of professional input. It’s more likely to be successful and fair if you all have legal advice. It’s quite naive to think that mediation alone will solve you problems, especially given the personal element.

ticking · 10/04/2020 06:40

The problem here is that this isn't 3 partners, i.e. 3 parties, it effectively is two parties, the first is the 2 partners retaining the business and the second is you.

Effectively partner 1 & 2 have hired a lawyer in the guise of partner 1 "needing help as the kids are at home". You are therefore at a disadvantage.

You need to stop thinking of partner 2 as your ally - he's not. He just wants you unrepresented. It's not you escalating - it's them and they want representation themselves but not you!

Surely the best response to this is some version of "oh don't worry, we're all still friends here - a second solicitor will just get things moving.... "

DivGirl · 10/04/2020 06:54

You need a lawyer and you need to stop talking to P2. They have chosen their allegiances and anything you tell them, whether you think it's relevant or not, can only weaken your position.

At the meeting where P1 solicitor appears say you feel intimidated and you want to halt proceedings until you get legal advice. Do not get drawn in to discussions. Be polite, civil, and firm.

With that much at stake it's utter madness you've tried to do this without proper legal guidance.

strawberry2017 · 10/04/2020 07:12

These people are not your friends. One of them has happily sat back and supported the one who bullied you.
Get a solicitor as your other pair of ears as they say to protect yourself and stop communicating with P2 they are thinking of themselves and you need to do the same

CheddarGorgeous · 10/04/2020 07:38
  1. Lawyer up.
  2. Take the money now. Once you are out you have no influence over what happens and they will be in a position to screw you over. And will do so at every opportunity, especially if P1 is a bully.
GabriellaMontez · 10/04/2020 07:46

Ha! They have just lawyered up but dont want you to do the same? And he accuses you of escalating? Fuck that.

Sounds like a professional bully and gaslight.

JoJothesquirrel · 10/04/2020 07:51

I agree with a pp, partner 2 always agrees with partner 1 (you said it yourself) so partners 1 and 2 have a lawyer. You must get representation.

I don’t know the ins and outs but if 2 is nice and friendly but never sides with you then (I suspect) they are working as a team and will have discussed this.

You need it settled and to get what you can or if there’s any agreement to monies in the future they’ll just dissolved the company the minute you are out. Ask me how I know lol.

Hannah021 · 10/04/2020 07:53

Honestly P2 is taking the p*
Tell him, if she gets a lawyer i get one too. Tell him he's being biased and unfair.

And get a lawyer if she does, dont even think about it. The lawyer will defend u if both act hostile towards u anyway...

Hannah021 · 10/04/2020 07:55

@ticking

SlipperyLizard · 10/04/2020 07:59

Ok then, you definitely need a solicitor for those values. You need to understand your options if the mediation fails - ie legally what is your entitlement, and how can you enforce it? Mediation can sometimes involve compromise (ie one or all parties potentially not getting their full legal entitlement in order to avoid costly and uncertain litigation). If you don’t understand the alternatives to the proposed settlement, you won’t know whether to accept the deal.

eurochick · 10/04/2020 07:59

Partner 2 is not your friend here.

Get a lawyer.

ForInstance · 10/04/2020 08:01

OP, are you sure you’re on safe ground posting here? If P2 saw this thread and identified you, could this be seen as an escalation? Just concerned for you.

TwistyHair · 10/04/2020 08:01

Yes to what @ticking said. 1&2 have a lawyer. And it sounds like they’re doing good cop bad cop thing to get you to agree. 2 might be ‘nice’ but isn’t actually supporting you or standing up to the bully. And although 2 may hold a lot of weight, surely that’s the point of a solicitor. So that things are split equally rather than partner 2 being able to use his influence to change the outcome.

CountryPlumpkin · 10/04/2020 08:03

I would agree with the plan proposed earlier -

  1. attend the meeting today without a lawyer of your own but just listen politely and only make bland comments. Do Not Agree To Anything. Take lots of notes.
  2. go away after the meeting and find yourself the best legal representation you can. Take your time over it, seek recommendations and choose wisely.
  3. accept that there is no friendship left here. Hard but absolutely essential.

Good luck.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 10/04/2020 08:05

Why are you leaving? Is it in your best I tredt to do so? Don’t let them push you out

CountryPlumpkin · 10/04/2020 08:08

Wanted to add - Partner 1’s excuse for having a solicitor attend the call is absolute rubbish and the clearest indicator of what is really going on here. Partner 2’s response to you is also a massive hint.
Please don’t be railroaded.

daisypond · 10/04/2020 08:16

And this has all just suddenly happened to coincide with a long bank holiday weekend, making it extra hard for you to find a lawyer...

Crazyhouse123 · 10/04/2020 08:20

Effectively partner 1 & 2 have hired a lawyer in the guise of partner 1 "needing help as the kids are at home". You are therefore at a disadvantage.

^^this with bells on!

Get a lawyer, please, and stop seeing these people as friends.

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