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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend blowing hot and cold??

5 replies

Girlymom2 · 09/04/2020 21:39

Known friend for 3 years. Our daughters go the same school but different years, so we don’t stand together but she has to pass me to get to her daughters classroom. Some days she says hi, other days she puts head down and passes, this continued and started to be more regular.

We had such a great friendship I thought it was odd to suddenly be a little off and it started to upset me the more it happened. Yes I stand with others but I ALWAYS make the time to say hello.

After a few weeks I thought enough is enough, I’m tired of feeling upset, I’m concentrating on other friendships and going to pretend I haven’t seen her either. Suddenly she’s interested again, messaging me at home, saying hi and hugging me, shouting hello if she see’s me, arranging to meet.....

Now suddenly she’s gone quiet again, said she would text me last week and nothing. She doesn’t seem to have many friendships, I’m just sick of the back and forth, I have feelings and it hurts and I genuinely thought she was a true friend.

Usually I would just move on but it’s hard when you have to see them a lot.

Just to add, all the above was before the coronavirus, but it’s the lack of contact lately that’s really bothering me again.
I’m in my forties and feel silly being so upset but our daughters also have a lovely bond and don’t know what to do?

OP posts:
bigchris · 09/04/2020 21:55

The current situation is affecting people badly though

People keep sending me cheerful memes and encouraging me to clap etc , I dont reply to anyone not because I don't like them bit I'm just not in that frame of mind

makingmammaries · 10/04/2020 06:26

Could it be that you have a bit too much invested here? Either adjust your expectations or ask your friend what the deal is with not saying hello half the time? YANBU but sometimes friendships can be preserved through accepting that someone behaves oddly from time to time.

LoveIsLovely · 10/04/2020 06:43

Maybe she's anxious. I know it makes me sound stupid but some days I really struggle to look people in the eye and say hi, other days I can chat away just fine.

I know how it looks though.

Girlymom2 · 10/04/2020 07:35

@makingmammaries That’s what I thought to be honest, that maybe I think more of our friendship than she does, so that’s exactly why I backed off and concentrated on other friendships, but when I did that, she started going out of her way to be friendly again so I feel constantly pushed and pulled by her.

@LoveIsLovely yes that did go through my head, and it doesn’t sound silly at all, I have always had a feeling she anxiety but obviously never mentioned anything.

OP posts:
Girlymom2 · 11/04/2020 10:17

Any other opinions please? Unsure if to message n ask if friend is ok?

OP posts:
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