I know that I truly have a lot to be thankful for, and I know that there are people in far worse situations but I am so sad that my heart is physically hurting (that may also be down to stress I suppose) and I'm in tears every day. I have quite severe MH problems and I'm sure I'm hard work to live with most days let alone now and I'm worried my partner is going to get sick of me before long.
I cant help but think that this is time we will never get back, we don't have a garden so my children are stuck indoors and as petty as it is I am missing all the things I wanted to do with them, last year summer with my youngest has been frankly awful, riddled with PND that hasn't lifted and I really hoped this year would be better. I still have to go to work and I'm so worried about bringing the illness home to them and yet worried I will lose my job and not be earning. I spend most days feeling like my head is about to explode and I cant breathe because I'm scared, and angry but mostly just sad.
I know we are all in the same situation and nobody is having an easy time, I know that I should be happier for my children's sake but I just can't. I have tried so hard, but I think I must be broken because I just can't get myself to feel better. How does everyone else seem to keep smiling when I cant find much to smile about.