I’ve never been diagnosed for having adhd/autism as my mum never wanted me labelled as a kid.
I haven’t had a meltdown since I’ve been an adult but I think that’s because I’ve always had my own coping mechanisms and generally been in control of my whole life.
This whole situation has caused me to have two full blown meltdowns - I didn’t think I was capable of having them anymore. One was so bad my partner tried restraining me and I bite him hard to let me go.
We’ve currently got people living with us (I’ve always lived alone since I left uni apart from my partner moving in at Xmas) and I’m really struggling with them being here 24/7. I’m living on my nerves and everything they’re doing is stressing me out when they’re just trying to be helpful I.e. using too much washing up liquid/watching tv when I need silence etc. All my mechanisms I.e. deep cleaning the house in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep because I’m stressed is something I can’t do now etc.
I did buy ‘smart drugs’ during my time at uni and they did help to calm me down and allow me to do everyday tasks without being distracted. I’m massively struggling as I’ve never told anyone apart from my partner after I had my second meltdown as I like to keep my quirks private. My new housemates obviously know now but I’m still trying to appear sane as I don’t want my secret getting out I.e. I want to be able to do the washing up again without being stressed out that I can see a bit of dust on the windowsill (literally everything is causing me to be one set towards a meltdown).
I know the grand scheme of things the nhs is dealing with I’m wasting resources but my hands hurt the amount I’m bleaching everything and I know I’m affecting my partners mental health too as I’m causing him to be on edge too. I think this is going to take years for me to recover from and I can’t bare it anymore.