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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sulking Dh or am I being unreasonable

10 replies

Thelittlemermaid1990 · 09/04/2020 11:27

So I know these are trying times and everyone is doing the best they can under different and difficult circumstances, and this is not the first thread of this nature - I think I just need a rant!

Dh is currently still going to work (key worker) but unable to work from home and still working shifts (combination of earlies, lates & nights)

I am still working as well (also classed as a key worker) but am able to complete my job from home.

We have 1 DC (4) not quite in school yet, was previously at a private nursery full time.

Because of this it means the majority of childcare/home schooling/entertainment is falling to me, and luckily work accept this and are happy for me to flex my hours around as I need to as long as the work is done (we could have put them into nursery as we are both key workers, but we decided to keep them at home)

DH is on a later shift this week (starts at 12, finishes at 8).

Most of this week, I have got up and gone for a run (only chance I get), come back, got myself showered and ready, done some household chores while setting the computer up and checking for emails. DC usually wakes up about now so I have taken them downstairs and given them breakfast etc. Around 930 - 10 DH wakes up and takes DC while I have a call. He then goes for a shower (which takes about an hour) and then does himself lunch before going to work. I spend the rest of the day juggling work and DC, before logging off and having some garden time before tea & bed, and then log into work again to finish off.

Dh comes home and pretty much watches TV and has a drink before we go to bed.

It's not a great balance but it's working.

Today I got up early and did all of the above, and then got asked to join a call earlier than normal. DH was still asleep so rather than wake him up I gave DC her tablet and a snack while I was on the call (normally she can entertain herself for the duration of it, but this was quite an important call and I needed to be able to concentrate)

DH then woke up and DC went into bed into with him. When I went up a bit later I got moaned at for giving the tablet to her so early and should have woken him up. I'm now being moaned at for all sorts of things, such as not thinking, not trusting him and me thinking that he is lazy etc. When I try and argue it was quicker and easier just to do that for the time being he isn't listening.

Other than the petty arguments DH and I seen to be having, I think wfh under stressful circumstances is going ok and we seem to be managing. The house has never been cleaner (mainly my doing) and both DC and I are more relaxed than usual. Dh just seems to resent that I am able to wfh (although it's not easy!) while he has to go in.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 09/04/2020 11:30

These are stressful times for everyone. If he's usually okay...I'd let it go and tell him if it happens again, you'll wake him up.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 09/04/2020 11:30

It seems like he feels like he's not being treated like a trusted parent and more like a babysitter, can you try letting go a bit and letting him have more input in his child's life?

PerkyPomPoms · 09/04/2020 11:56

Yes, let him man up and take his share of parenting

TerrorWig · 09/04/2020 11:59

Start by waking him to look after his own child when she wakes and you’re starting work. You’re facilitating him being able to spend every second he’s at home ‘relaxing’. That’s not a trade off because you can work from home Confused. That’s him being selfish and not stepping up.

GreenestValley · 09/04/2020 11:59

Why can he not get up at a normal time? 9.30-10 is like weekend lie ins - can't he get up at 8ish (still not super early) and help get the DC breakfast etc?

Unless he doesn't finish work til very late - but doesn't sound like that's the case. If he doesn't start work ti 1pm it doesn't mean that entire morning should be 'him-time'.

SharonasCorona · 09/04/2020 12:05

I thought you were going to say he was sulking because you woke him up!

He should be appreciative of you holding down a FT job, taking care of dd and doing all the housework and cooking!

If you have a call in the mornings, could he set his own alarm and wake up to take care of dd?

HillAreas · 09/04/2020 12:06

WTF? He’s actually pissy at you for allowing him to not do his share of housework and childcare?

Rather than actually SORTING HIS SHIT OUT LIKE A GROWN MAN AND DOING HIS FUCKING SHARE WITHOUT NEEDING MUM TO HOLD HIS HAND????

Never heard anything so fucking ridiculous in my puff. What an idiot.

SuddenlyISea · 09/04/2020 12:32

He gets up 930-10. Has an hour long shower and makes lunch and goes to work while it seems you do everything else and work your hours around your child. Your me time is before everyone wakes up.
Doesn't sound like a fair distribution.
If you're happy then good for you both but seriously, he's pretty lucky.

I'd be suggesting a pretty reasonable 730-8am start, he can get up and have his shower, get child breakfast make his lunch at the same time, while you work those first few hours. Then while he's at work you can look after child/try to wfh. He gets home and takes over so you can continue your hours.

He's got it made.

SuddenlyISea · 09/04/2020 12:35

Just seen he only makes himself a lunch. That's an easy fix. Get him to do 3 lunches. Seeing as he's relaxed for the morning.

Unless he's a surgeon then I'm sorry. Wtf.

LannieDuck · 09/04/2020 12:37

What should be happening this week: he's on childcare duty in the morning, and you're on for the afternoon. Why are you still doing morning childcare when you have a partner at home till 12?

Your work has been tolerant, which is really great (all work places need to be tolerant atm), but by trying to continue juggling childcare during the mornings, you're taking the piss a bit. Your workplace is effectively subsidizing your husband's lie-in.

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