AIBU- to want to know what's in the rest of the will?

[HumptyDumpty1947]

My Nan died recently - we weren't very close (my parents were very young, unmarried , mixed race, split soon after I was born etc- my Nan was very fond, in temper. of saying how different /better life would have been for her daughter without me). We did spend a lot of time together when I was a child until I moved out of home /across the country - although I always knew she didn't really like me. She has left me a very small token in her will which was kind of her as she didn't have to leave me anything. However I was told. that her estate. was quite large (over half a million). I am interested/curious to know how the will was divided - just to see if my suspicions about how she felt about me compared to my cousins were accurate (they're not that close to her either - but did see her once or twice a year). I dont have any contact with the rest of my family so have no clue how I could go about it (one of them is the executor). I completely respect that it was her money to do as she wishes - just curious really to know whether my suspicions growing up about her preferring my cousins were accurate. Would I be unreasonable to try and find out more? If you think it would be reasonable how would I do it without alerting the family as to my interest? Thank you.

You already know your suspicions are accurate because your grandmother was a miserable, judgemental racist, and I'm very sorry about that. Trying to see her will is a pointless exercise because you already know what you'll find. I say your life was better without her in it.

Do you really want to know? I'd advise just leaving it to be honest as it sounds like you've nothing to gain from knowing other than potentially causing more upset for yourself. She sounds like she wasn't a very pleasant person and probably prejudice to boot. If it was me personally I'd enjoy spending the money I inherited on something fun and frivolous (if you can afford to), and stick two fingers up in her general direction. We can rarely change somebody's mindset about us in life, but we can take some control over how we let it affect us.

Once probate has been granted then all wills are public documents and you can search them online via HMCTS/Probate Service electronically for a very small fee. The family will not be notified that anyone has done this.

I think the will becomes public at some point.

Still, I wouldn't bother looking if I were you. No good will come of it. Sounds like she was a bitter old woman and you were pleasantly surprised to have received that small token from her. I'd just leave it at that and try not to dwell on it.

My mother too was an unmarried mother but in the 1960s and insisted on keeping me.
As you can imagine it was a disgrace in those days and as time passed was shut out by some of the family who didn't approve and then by my mother's new husband and family. I know I'll not get anything like what my step siblings will get in wills later on.
I've learnt the only way to avoid hurt is to make the absolute best of my life and make the absolute best of myself.
You already know you will not get the same as your cousins.
Do not let this define you as a person.I spent years letting bitterness eat any at me and it wasn't worth it.
I've made the most of myself instead. Going out university. Getting a great job and above all moving on.
I have a circle of friends and a life that my relatives could never understand but it suits me. I stand on my own two feet and my destiny is my own.

No good will come of finding out the details op. And it won't change the past. You're already clear on your Nan's attitude and feelings so you don't even need confirmation I don't think.

matcatlady has it in a nutshell.