Don't think I can save my marriage anymore, advice please.

[anon03]

Hello everyone, I have been a long term user but have changed my name in case anybody knows me personally.

I have been married since early 20s, together since we were kids, multiple miscarriages and lots of grief in the last 10 years.

He's a good person, works hard and is loyal but we have no spark anymore. He decided to split up with me just after my last miscarriage and then said he wants to stay together. Since that happened I resent him, I don't want to have sex with him and I just want more from life but I also don't feel like I ever want to be without him.

I have never lived on my own, been solely responsible for bills or been particularly independent.

I don't know whether I want to stay for comfort reasons or whether we can get the spark back. I love him but I don't know whether I love him as a best friend.

I have a history of depression and anxiety and I know he struggles to deal with that. I lost both of my parents young and multiple miscarriages have just tipped me over the edge into grief.

I think at the moment I'm feeling worse because of Covid 19 I'm working from home and he is off work for 2 weeks as his co-worker displayed symptoms of it so we are constantly together at the moment.

I know I'm waffling I just feel very alone and sad . Any advice would be great, thank you xx

I'm so sorry, this sounds awful.
Can you try to look at your feelings objectively? How long have you felt like this? How long have you been doubting?

I've found the lockdown has been triggering interesting reflections on my life. I'm not convinced I'll go back to feeling how I normally do afterwards either, but I suppose I'll only find out when I get there.

If you do decide to leave, I'm sure you'll be able to live independently. If teenagers can do it at university then you absolutely can do it too.

I’m feeling the same op been with my dh since I’m was 16 married at 20 then we had 3 children. I don’t love him like I should but he’s a good man so I choose to expect it. Sad really I also think the lock down is putting a magnifying glass on everything in our life. More time to think and reflect. I always feel jealous of other people’s happy relationships and the spark and chemistry but who knows there real story??

Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.
The corona virus has had these unintended consequences on relationships.

The grass is not always greener especially as you don’t really seem to know what you are looking for . If you go now how do you know you will be happier ?

Perhaps go to counselling after this is all over and see if you can address some of the sadness you have been through . You say he is a good man - he has been with you all this time . Maybe it’s not that you don’t love him , it might be because you are depressed and lonely , but only you can fix that but .
Good luck in moving forward in your life