To ask how you keep a 14 month old from harassing the cat during lockdown?

[Tiredtiredtired100]

Posting here for traffic, mostly. I’m at a real loss as to what to do here. I have a cat, who is friendly but obviously has her limits and will scratch if annoyed. She’s not the type to leave if annoyed either so every time my son is bothering her she stays and let’s him pet her until she lashes out (which doesn’t take long so I can’t always get there before she scratches him). Obviously I keep taking him away to stop this from happening, shutting them different sides of doors etc. but nothing I say or do seems to stop my son from pestering her. He’s started pulling her tail if she’s on the windowsills and just now deliberately dropped a bottle on her head (before I had chance to realise they were both in the room - I turned and saw he was going to do it and went to stop him but was too late). I shouted no (I never really shout) and put him in his cot as I was in his room. Then went to see to the cat, who was fine. As soon as I got him back out of his cot he ran off to find her.
So, what can I do to get him to leave her alone? She won’t stay away and I don’t like locking her in parts of the house, so the solution is to train my son not the cat. But what works with a 14 month old?

Of course it doesn’t come naturally to a 1 year old child...that’s where the parenting comes in! Don’t leave your child within reach of the cat like you wouldn’t leave them with a newborn baby until, through your example, they master the gentle approach or near a fire, the hob etc. If I come across as judgmental it isn’t with the kids... I do admit I do feel some judgement toward the parents...although, I will admit, possibly some projection there, as my parents never saw it as their responsibility to teach my sister not to dominate me and teach me not to let her! The cat will survive I’m sure but the message that it’s ok to dominate others IMO lingers.

Are you taking the piss Moomin? You do realise you're talking about a 14 month old baby?

@LisaSimpsonsbff - sorry if I triggered you. I was definitely triggered myself, as I have definitely projected my own childhood issues into my cats(!) and I haven’t come across as I would have liked to. When I said other children I should have clarified that I wasn’t talking about other toddlers visiting - I meant older 10/11/12years olds. When other toddlers visit, I view it as my job to look after my cats like I would my children - I don’t view it as the toddlers or their parents job in that situation.

Don’t leave your child within reach of the cat like you wouldn’t leave them with a newborn baby until, through your example, they master the gentle approach or near a fire, the hob etc.

a) unlike a newborn baby, a cat moves. In practice this would have meant constantly shutting our cats in a part of the house away from the humans for all DS's waking hours, which would have upset them a lot more than very occasionally being very briefly roughly petted in the seconds before I moved DS.
b) of course, but mastering means accepting they'll sometimes get it wrong, which you say a stern 'no' to and move them away. It's not like the hob - there's no safe way for them to touch the hob - because surely the goal is that the child and the cat can interact?

I just don't see how you teach a child anything if you expect immediate perfection from them and then see it as a moral failing (or a sign of psychopathy, FFS!) if they get a bit overexcited and forget.

Too many grammar issues to mention!

I think the psychopathy post was meant to be humorous.

(Just for clarification: I was referring to my messages when I talked about grammar issues!)

Jesus Christ @Moomin12345 I think it's a bit unfair to be considering OPs DS could be a psychopath because he hasn't learnt how to be kind to animals at 14 months!!

OP we have many animals and a DD who is also quite the animal at times!
It took a while to teach her but keep it simple and keep interactions short.
Toys he can play with the cat with from a distance are good like a mouse on a string, when stroking physically show him what to do while saying "gentle hands" every single time.
If he gets too rough then a quick sharp NO! Worked for us.

It's hard, and there will be a few scratches along the way but persevere and it'll get better.

@LisaSimpsonsbff - I don’t think anyone has disputed that your approach is appropriate and will work with time.? I agree if your cats are hanging round close enough for your toddler to reach them then they are clearly quite comfortable with your toddler and there isn’t an issue especially as you are quickly joining in and showing a gentle way. I don’t class an accidental rough stroke as harming the cat, which is maybe whilst I have come across more harshly than I would have intended.

I don't want to worry you but cruelty to animals is an an early sign of psychopathy. Could obviously be unrelated, just see how it goes as the child ages.

Ffs that post makes you sound deranged. A baby can’t be “cruel” to an animal because they don’t have the thinking process to know what that is or to decide they are going to be “cruel”.

Little thugs and psychopaths 😂😂 this is the strangest thread I’ve read in a while. He’s a baby!!! Who’s seen a tail he fancies pulling... he’s not thought ‘right I’m going to do in this cat’ 😂😂😂

Psychopathy

My 14mo DD loves one of our cats too, who is very tolerant and does like the attention, but DD does sometimes get a bit excited when patting her and get a bit vigorous. We started to do 'gentle' stroking her arm gently to demonstrate and now she just needs us to say 'gentle' and she checks herself and calms down a bit. Luckily our cat does just leave if she's had enough though!

I think you just need to remain consistent and remove when it gets a bit much. We are entering the phase of tantrums when we stop her doing something she wants to do, so we just ride it out and let her have her little screaming fit on the floor.

If she wants to be in the same room as you, could you fit in a cat tower or something so she can be in there but physically out of reach?

I'd remove him every single time he pesters the cat. Put him somewhere safe for 5 minutes then let him out. Teach him how to gently pat the cat and praise for that. Honestly, if the cat gives him a cuff it'd probably be the fastest lesson!

I agree on loads of modelling gentle stroking and just making sure the cat has somewhere to escape to. My little girl adores our cats and we've been trying since she started crawling up to them to teach her how to behave around them. When she was around 10-11 months she would sometimes grab handfuls of their fur in excitement or try and cuddle them too hard and we would just say NO firmly and move her away, but now she is so, so gentle with them (16 months) and one of them in particular will happily go and lie next to her to be stroked, and happily let her feed him pretend cups of tea. You will get there in the end and they'll be best friends.

Do what you would usually do at that age. If they do something naughty, say no loudly to your son and then pick up the cat and cuddle him/her.
If you spend too much attention on your son after annoying the cat, he may associate the cat stuff with getting your attention.

Thanks for all the helpful advice everyone. I have been modelling petting her nicely and he often goes and strokes her gently then claps to say he’s done it right. I will persevere with that and with removing him from being near her whenever he goes to her for at least a week as one person suggested. I’m hoping putting him in the cot last night has had some impact already as he has left her alone all morning, not even bothering her when she was on the windowsill. But i know I have to persevere and get this right. I adore my cat and the last thing I want is for her to get hurt. I can’t shut her in anywhere and she’s just not a cat who goes up to high places very often and always wants to sleep on beds and chairs. I’m determined not to change her behaviour but to change his.

@Moomin12345 thanks, I already knew that, but 14 Months isn’t the age you diagnose a psychopath. Most kids accidentally hurt animals and my little boy will learn not to and to respect them, I am certain of that.

Thinking about it, he’s probably playing rough with her because we lived with my parents whilst renovating and their dog and cat play fight (totally harmlessly and the cat always starts it) and the dog does put his paw on the cat and roll him around. My son adores the dog and copies a lot of things he does so I think he may have notice some toughness there, he’s certainly never seen anyone in my family mistreat an animal.

'Gently' is what worked for mine. That and there being places to retreat to that the DDs couldn't reach.

I also taught them to play with the cats (although the youngest was already well up on how to get them to bend to her will from feeding the buggers yoghurt from her high chair), which kept little hands well away from an accidental or overexcited claw.

Meant none of my cats ever scratched in self defense (as they hadn't needed it) and they quite happily engaged in tea parties, going for rides in a little red brio cart, sliding down the hallway in a plastic tub, fairy wings and bows and generally being little furry shadows until the moment the girls went to sleep, coming in to me with a big sigh as though to say 'right, I've finished work for the day. Let's curl up on the settee and have a rest'.

Is the roughness a boy thing? My 3 girls wouldn't have dreamt of doing this to an animal, right from the get-go?

My sister was very rough with my cat when she was little. DS on the other hand has been more gentle than not (he had his moments as a toddler but overall learned very quickly to be gentle. This may be partly because the cats didn't hang around if he wasn't. They tended not to scratch, they just left and went somewhere he couldn't get them at the first hint of heavy handedness.)

It's certainly not a 'girl' thing. It's an 'I'm a toddler and don't yet know how to interact with animals and how to use my limbs properly and gently all the time' thing. It's entirely normal. I actually find it more unlikely a toddler wouldn't get overexcited and a bit grabby or heavy-handed with an animal tbh –certainly all my friends with kids and animals have had to teach gentle stroking and handling of them!

I would agree with pp that he shouldn't be approaching the cat at all atm unless for a supervised playtime. Keep moving him, distracting him, saying no - whatever you do to keep him away from the hob, plug sockets and other things he mustn't touch.

Have regular short supervised periods with the cat and give loads of praise for being gentle.

I had a much more successful day with them both today. Though the cat does seem to think sleeping on his car mat is a good idea so I did have to move her so she could play. He only approached her once all day and I stopped him, picked him up and took him away. I will persist with this for a little while and then reintroduce the gentle interaction as I think the cat needs and deserves a break from him for a while. Thankyou so much for all the good advice.

At that age I focused on total non interaction between child and pet. DS wasn’t even allowed to go near the dog. Every time he approached I shouted Get Off! The same as I would if he approached a hot oven or kettle. The dog is just as dangerous, a facial bite could have terrible consequences.

As he approached two I taught him to stroke gently and give treats, but he’s still not allowed to touch the dog outside of this supervised interaction.

OP glad you had a better day today. I’m sure your DS will get there, eventually.

I'll probably get hammered for this but I just let my cats scratch my kids. It only takes once. Natural consequences.

Different with dogs of course