Cheating or not?

[DutchMummy88]

I've recently found out that my fiancé has been texting his ex girlfriend every single time we have had an argument.
Saying things like "she's driving me mad, maybe you have space for me haha"
"Maybe we should have been together all along" "looks nice where you are, can I come too" etc etc
Nothing sexual at all, and her replies have been mostly avoiding the subject.
I've known for a while but decided not to say anything as I haven't been an easy partner for him in the past and I felt like maybe he just needed someone to talk to. But now being stuck in lockdown it's all magnified and he's been utterly useless. I have two kids under 5 who he has been an amazing parent for since the start, and that hasn't changed. But other than that I really don't have anything good to say for him at the moment.
It all blew up today and I told him about the messages I have seen.
He's obviously downplaying it and using my difficult behaviour in the past as a way to backfire. (Behaviour was related to alcohol and severe depression. I have never cheated or even texted anyone)
So AINBU to kick him out or
AIBU and making a fuss over nothing

YANBU, it’s an emotional affair. Totally disrespectful

@DutchMummy88 you didn’t put voting on but I don’t think it sounds like he is cheating. The alcohol and depression cocktail may have been difficult for him to handle and he stood by you. He’s also looking after your kids. How bad has in been in lockdown? What’s he done that was wrong?

He's just been really useless in a practical way. We normally both work full time yet still all the housework is down to me. Now we are both home and he's finding it hard. Instead of helping more he's not doing anything at all.
He is a kind and good man. But I am really hurt that he is texting his ex all the time implying that they belong together?
He's not very big on social media whereas I use Instagram etc quite a bit. Whenever I am on my phone I can tell he's looking over my shoulder. So to then find out he is the one who's being sneaky is really hurtful.
I don't know if I want to break up with him or not. I love him but I am also really hurt.

i would consider this unacceptable , and as it sounds like things aren't great anyway, I'd be ending the relationship

Blaming yourself for his unacceptable behaviour is a bit worrying.

People don't say stuff like that to their exes usually.

Personally I would consider this unacceptable and would say YANBU to be very clear about the consequences if it were to continue. I agree with a PP though, we do only have your side of the story. If I were you I'd want to have a proper conversation where I laid everything out on the table in terms of my expectations, but also where I would expect him to do the same. Then you can either come to an agreement or it's the end of the relationship.

Also no matter how good he is when he's interacting with / looking after your children it doesn't sound like he's setting a very good example to them. Personally speaking, I'd struggle with the idea of my children growing up seeing that it's ok for mummy and daddy to work full time but then mummy has to do all the housework.

I think I just feel guilty and cornered because he stood by me in the beginning.
I used to party a lot when we were first together where as he hates going out and would rather always be at home.
There were times when I would go out and not come back home till very late at night. I was very depressed and looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
My kids live and have always lived with me and their dad 50:50 (we have a good and kind relationship)
He stood by me although I also feel like he made the situation a million times worse because he is such a different person.
Back to now though, I am very happy, healthy and active with a great full time job. And he just drags me down. It is so exhausting to be happy for both of us and constantly be the one who makes things happen.
That combined with the texts to then ex has really made me think twice about our relationship.
It would be so easy to just let this blow over and wake up again tomorrow morning with a happy face. But maybe I shouldn't... I really don't know.
My kids adore him. I feel so trapped

Massively disrespectful and there’s no way I would accept this. Everyone has their own boundaries OP and it’s up to you to decide if him disrespecting you in this way is a deal breaker. For me it absolutely would be.