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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end the relationship

64 replies

9millioncansofbeans · 08/04/2020 07:07

Morning all,

Firstly, I know I can end a relationship over anything.
Secondly, it’s a complicated relationship. We used to date for about 6 months then we broke up. This was two years ago. We’ve stayed close but never got back together as the issues between us are still there.

Anyway, he doesn’t believe covid-19 exists and he does not believe it can be transmitted in the way were being told. He thinks it’s all a conspiracy to remove our human rights. So he is carrying on as normal. On top of everything and all the issues between hd this just feels like the icing on the cake.

Am I unreasonable to have lost any respect for him over this? When we argue over it he says I’m small minded for just believing a government who lies all the time. I’m a nurse and I’m losing colleagues to this virus and his stupidity feels on another level.

OP posts:
boli · 08/04/2020 13:46

An utter nutcase, distance yourself from him, especially when he's off out with a can of petrol and box of matches to the nearest 5g mast

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 08/04/2020 13:50

Why were you ever with this man!?

Whathewhatnow · 08/04/2020 14:03

Conspiracy theorists are over represented among pot smokers .... skunk is well know for making people a little... um... paranoid Grin. And also he sounds a lot like a friend of mine who used to be more than ;) but even HE didn't believe the earth was flat or that HIV was made up....

natwebb79 · 08/04/2020 14:05

I knew he'd be a flat earth pillock! Run for the hills!

OlaEliza · 08/04/2020 14:08

We’ve stayed close but never got back together as the issues between us are still there.

What relationship are you ending?

Original poster
9millioncansofbeans · 08/04/2020 14:27

@OlaEliza a friendship really. By probably it was never a true friendship to begin with.
I guess I feel guilty walking away completely So just wanted to check that I am not being unreasonable

OP posts:
TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 08/04/2020 14:33

Get some boundaries! Why would you want to even be friends with such a dunce and a stoner? You feel guilty because you need to work on your self esteem, he's a low life idiot and weed addict, you deserve much better.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 08/04/2020 14:34

Obviously YANBU to walk away, and in fact the sooner the better.
Out of curiosity, I presume you're seeing first hand the people affected by the outbreak? What's his explanation for your first-hand experience?
Does he think these people are affected by something else (Huawei phones/government bio-engineering)? Because the alternative is that he's dismissing your experience, or (indirectly) insinuating that you're lying - both of which are a major reason to run and never look back by themselves.

Mittens030869 · 08/04/2020 14:40

YANBU, but why would you even want to be friends with such an idiot?

FinallyHere · 08/04/2020 14:42

I'm all for a discussion but honestly, I wouldn't waste my breath. £20 days he thinks you are still in a relationship and he is giving you space to realise ...

Original poster
9millioncansofbeans · 08/04/2020 15:11

@WeirdAndPissedOff he thinks thousands of people are dying of “things people always die of”.
I thought when he saw how serious it we’d be would admit he’s wrong. But he hasn’t and I feel like I can no longer respect him enough to want to stay in touch. There has to be some degree of respect to even be civil to someone if you see what I mean. Whereas, I just feel like I don’t want to waste my time anymore.

@TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg you are absolutely right probably, it’s a self esteem issue . He made me feel entirely responsible for our break up which made it hard to walk away.

OP posts:
OlaEliza · 08/04/2020 15:16

He sounds like a leach. Just block him.

Original poster
9millioncansofbeans · 08/04/2020 15:43

I have been a fool to try and be friends.

Dating him was hard work. He would not touch tap water, even veg had to be boiled in mineral water, he wouldn’t touch the car boot, he smoked £300 worth of weed a month but was on minimum wage and on average since 16 has been unemployed for 3 months of every year, he didn’t like me to do my make up before he left for work as he doesn’t like the smell of the particles In the air, I had to boil his milk twice to make coffee, push his chair under the table a certain way, anger like I’ve never known.

It’s an easy decision when I think of it all. I don’t know why I’ve stayed in contact

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 08/04/2020 15:56

Thanks goodness you don't live with him. If this was me I would stay distant friends just for the amusement value, does he really think the world is flat? How did he afford all that weed if he wasn't working full time, hope he wasn't mooching off you. Now you've said he has anger like you've never known you're better off without him in your life.

Louise000000 · 08/04/2020 16:49

@TorkTorkBam my thoughts exactly, sounds like my stoner ex!!

HelenUrth · 08/04/2020 17:12

Please raise your bar OP.

You can decide not to be friends with someone for any reason, if they are hard work and/or show anger towards you, those are especially good reasons. But whatever the reason, you have the right to decide, your own feelings are valid.

Guy sounds like a real catch :(

Perhaps you need to work on allowing to yourself that your feelings are acceptable. If, like me, you have been brought up regularly being told your feelings are wrong, this can take a while to become normal to you.

JKScot4 · 08/04/2020 17:15

Definitely back away!
I have a friend who was in a relationship for two years then he went down the flat earth rabbit hole, she dumped him after a few weeks.

TorkTorkBam · 08/04/2020 17:16

Did you stay in contact because you secretly hope to fix him?

I've heard codependent types are often found in nursing. Sticking with abusers being the dark side of such tendencies.

Elieza · 08/04/2020 18:06

He’s an arse. Get shot of him. He’s a wrongun. You deserve so much better and you won’t find it with him in the picture. And he could give you the virus as he’s not taking care. Don’t see him. Don’t phone him. Don’t answer the door if he comes round. If it were me I’d text him that i not be in touch as I was really busy - in the hope he may just vanish! I’d not want confrontation as he gets angry and I’d not want to be anywhere near that, which would happen if you dump him.

There a thread on here somewhere about how weed doesn’t make you paranoid. Here’s your proof it does with this fuckwit.

Queenoftheashes · 08/04/2020 18:10

Oh you can’t date him; he’s an embarrassment. Imagine a year from now socialising with people who mention working on Covid wards or losing people and then he starts telling them it’s all made up!

Original poster
9millioncansofbeans · 08/04/2020 22:08

@HelenUrth thank you. I think you are right!

OP posts:
Original poster
9millioncansofbeans · 09/04/2020 07:31

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a poll this unanimous.
Thank you.
There is a part of me that is sad to say goodbye, without the wildly ridiculous views and when he isn’t having a temper tantrum he is a nice person.
But not enough to put up with the other things. And I actually suspect it’s less that he’s a nice person and more that he’s sometimes nice to me 🤔

I have an interview this morning so I will tell him after then. Something like “I just can’t get passed the fact that you do not believe covid-19 is real and that is a barrier for me to have you as a friend. I genuinely wish you well”
And then I will probabaly need to block him to stop the “I’m so sad” messages which will follow.

Have a lovely Thursday everyone, keep safe!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 09/04/2020 07:36

Hope you get a chance to read this and consider two possible forms of the goodbye message

Something like “I just can’t get passed the fact that you do not believe covid-19 is real and that is a barrier for me to have you as a friend. I genuinely wish you well”

which to me invites lots of discussion

Or

I genuinely wish you well: I am done here

then block and never talk again.

All the best.

Roussette · 09/04/2020 07:37

There is a part of me that is sad to say goodbye, without the wildly ridiculous views and when he isn’t having a temper tantrum he is a nice person

Really? Hardly!

There is not one thing nice about him that you've described. He sounds aggressive, he thinks the earth is flat, he's a pothead, he believes in every conspiracy theory going, people are dying but he thinks it's made up....
and he can be nice?

Your text to him lets him off the hook surely, because it's not just CV is it?

I would just block him without any sort of text. He doesn't deserve any sort of explanation.

Roussette · 09/04/2020 07:39

If you really have to text, I would go along the lines of...

'I want no further contact with you. Goodbye.'

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