Visitation for my ex?

[Poppygirl96]

My ex and I have recently split and we have a 5 month old son, I wrote a previous thread about asking him for maintenance but I also now have an issue of how we share our DS. I have moved out of our shared house into rented accommodation.

We agreed to 60/40 custody where I will have our son 4 days a week and my ex 3 days a week. In the previous thread people commented that we were crazy sharing 60/40 custody of a 5 month old baby. So now it’s got me wondering, will it be too disruptive for our son?

It was my choice to split from my ex as I fell out of love with him, so I have felt guilty and don’t want him to feel like he’s losing out on his son as well as losing me. That’s why I agreed to 60/40. I don’t want to take him to court and make things awkward and have animosity.

Things so far have been going ok with the split and we seem to be getting on ok to focus on our son, so I don’t want to make things awkward. I think it would be best if I had our son during the week and then my ex every weekend as it would be less disruptive for our son, especially as he gets over.

My ex really is a hands on dad and pays for quite a lot of stuff and really wants to be a full time dad in our sons life so I think it would be unfair to only give him weekends especially when he’s agreeing to pay more than half of the childcare costs and buy me out of our house.

I worry that my guilt for leaving the relationship means that my judgement could be clouded and that I wouldn’t be looking out for my sons interests.

AIBU to ask my ex for majority week custody whilst he has weekends? I’m not trying to be bitter or stop him seeing his son, I just want stability for our son and seeing the comments on my other threads made me think

. On the other hand I do think that if our son is used to 60/40 custody from such a young age he could adjust very well as it will be all he’s ever known...?

Older not over* my apologies

I actually think that’s ok, but how’s it going to go if he or you work?

Friends have done this ( even 50:50) from similar ages and it’s all worked out fine. It’s what they get used to and have strong bond and sense of security with both parents - nothing wrong with that at all
Although people here will likely say baby needs to stay with mum till they’re 20 or something !

I'd be wary of setting a president of dad having all weekends as when he goes to preschool/school that will mean you dont get any quality time with him but dad could reasonably argue that that is the established pattern and not want to change. If 40/60 is working...

Do it. Kids need to see their dads, unless they are arseholes. It is worth getting a good split sorted out early and 60/40 sounds fair. Good luck!

@Cherrysoup I’m on mat leave at the moment and my ex is working from home until I’m back at work due to the virus. So when I go back to work I’ll just drop off my son at childcare or something and then my ex will be the one to pick him up.

Definitely don’t give him all the weekends or you’ll never see your son when he starts school.

So once everything's back to normal and you're back at work a childminder has your child Monday to Friday, and her dad Sat and Sun. when do you get fun time with your child?

If you're going down the 2 days him 5 you route, do him picking up Sunday morning then dropping at childcare Tuesday morning.

I think 60/40 is fine, he'll just grow up with that being his normal. My ex and I have had 50/50 with DS since he was 18 months and it's just all he's ever known.

I definitely wouldn't want a pattern where i have my son every weekday or every weekend - by only having weekdays you miss out on the enjoyable times, but equally only having weekends means you never get any down time, neither of which results in your child getting the best of you

60/40 itself doesn't sound terrible if it works for you and your child, but I would probably work the days so that you handover either on Saturday evening or first thing on Sunday morning. A friend of a friend gave her DD's dad every weekend when her DD was very small and she regrets it so much now that her DD is nearly a teenager and they barely get to spend any time together.