NDN having nightly driveway meetings

[FridayFlowers]

Looking for some advice really as to whether iabu considering current circumstances. NDNs are elderly and almost every night over the last week their son has been visiting. They stand on their doorstep and talk (shout) to him who stands on our front garden and talks (shouts) back to them for about 30 mins. I know that this doesnt really fit with social distancing guidelines and essential travel etc, but my main problem is that their son stands underneath my 1yo ds window when he is in bed to talk to his parents and twice he has woken up. I totally understand why they want to see/talk to their son and cant imagine being isolated from mine. But wibu to ask them gently not to do this?
For context we live on a little cul-de-sac, mainly older couples who bought the houses new 35+ years ago, we are the only family with young children. Houses are detached but still fairly close together (their driveway runs down the side of our house.
Thank you

Of course tell him! Tell him not to wake up your child.

But start nicely, he's possibly just worried about his parents and not expecting there to be a young one in the street.

Maybe he's just an arsehole though.

I would just pop my head out and nicely mention that they are waking your child. Could they move away from his window and keep quieter.

Maybe just tell them. Can ge stand somewhere else ?

He stands on your front garden to do this? That’s unreasonable, for a start.

Surely the son can telephone his parents to talk to them? Yes, not seeing people’s faces is upsetting (not everyone has Skype etc) but telephones are almost universal in the UK and so they can easily keep in contact.

Given that you have to live next to them after, the nice polite approach is probably the best one to maintain neighbourly relations. If there is a back window they can use, ask if they could do that, and explain why. No point coming across judgemental, just stick to the part that concerns you - ie they are disturbing your child.

Ask them to use the phone to talk, then they don't need to shout. The son can still visit to see they're OK but they can have a normal phone conversation at the same time. Would put less strain on their throats too.

I think id have to say something, along the lines of that you dont have a problem with them talking while doing the social distancing, but that your baby is trying to sleep and can they do it at a different time or from the other side

Of course speak to him, that’s ridiculous. Why does he not just FaceTime them? He absolutely should not be disturbing you every single night. That would really upset me.

Thanks all😊 he has gone now. Next time he is here I will pop my head out of the front door and politely ask them to keep it down. Like you said @Love51 we want to maintain neighbourly relations!!

Could you suggest he come earlier before your son is in bed? Or phone them even whilst he is there so they can hear him without him shouting.

I'd be sat on my drive when he arrives tomorrow. Reading and drinking wine.
(With a shotgun lying menacingly across my knees).

Have they not got a phone?

Not sure why he is in your garden and not theirs?

I think he stands on our garden as there is a nice lamppost that he likes to lean on. Their drive runs down the side of our front garden (I can feel a diagram coming on!) I think he stands there to be further away from their door, in the name of social distancing.
@Serin 😁😁

But wibu to ask them gently not to do this?

Of course not! Why haven't you done so already? All you need to do is pop a note through their door/call them explaining that his shouting is waking your child up.

All polite. Sorted.

At least ask them if they can do it an hour earlier or something so that it doesn’t wake him up

I don't understand why you wouldn't tell him the first bloody time it happened!

Serin
Can you call your neighbours, or knock on their door and leave a note? You could let them know that it is lovely their son is dropping by, and you don't want to change this, just not to wake baby.

You could offer to be a contact in case of any emergencies

Why on earth woukdnt you have asked him to stop already??!!

YANBU. The son should stand on the pavement. He should also come earlier. Or if it’s straight after work, come beforehand. Please tell them. They’ll be totally unaware. Lockdown is making us insular and selfish, I think. Ie As the world shrinks, our view does to iyswim.

Tread very carefully here.

Once the Corona crisis has passed, & we all move into the new normal you do not want to be in a position of being the new residents who complained about the son who came to visit during lockdown.

Bear in mind that your neighbours &/or their son may each be hard of hearing so to them they may be speaking clearly at a sensible volume, but to you & your little one it is like a foghorn.

If you can, speak with the son to ask how he is, say how lovely it is to see him speak with his parents, can you help them & oh, btw, please would you stand away from underneath’s baby’s bedroom as he wakes & then screams the cul-de-sac down for the rest of the night & it upsets the neighbours.

As pps have mentioned, lockdown is making some of us a bit stressed & cranky...

are you in Berks?

can he talk to them through the back garden window? or what ever is a different position to currently?

I do this with my Dad, as do my siblings. Why? My Dad recently lost his wife of 60+ years, suffers from sever depression and has attempted suicide in the past. Of course I talk to him over the phone too but, by popping by for a chat, it keeps his spirits up and reconciles him to the idea of staying at home. We also do his shopping and some of his housework.

However, I wouldn't stand in someone else's garden and, if I knew that there were young children, I wouldn't do it at 8pm.

YANBU to ask him to move away from your windows but I don't think that it's reasonable to expect him to stop visiting as some are suggesting - nobody here knows the family situation. What is 'essential' in some families isn't in others and vice versa.

Aren't lamp posts normally on the pavement? Do you actually mean he stands opposite your son's window on the pavement, rather than "underneath" it Romeo & Juliet style?