Yet another DP thread - AIBU?

[SnowBallSnow]

My DP and I have always had a good relationship (bar a few silly arguments). But since the lockdown, I have seen a change in his behaviour and I find myself being less patient or understanding with him too.
I should mention that he is a much more “social” person than me, whereas I’m more of “quiet night in” type of person.
Having said that, DP doesn’t need a night out every weekend (probably every 4-6 weeks with the boys) but DOES have this need to just get out of the house, even it’s just a quick trip to the shops.
At the moment, we are currently on day 8 of self isolation, so haven’t left the house since. This is driving him nuts. He’s clearly mind-numbingly bored but won’t actually do anything productive or useful. We are both snapping at each other and it keeps almost erupting into a massive argument until one of us retracts and diffuses the situation.
All he does is go on facebook/youtube and also has a midday nap after lunch (which really really bugs me).
But I should also mention that he is fair with our DCs responsibilities and does help me with DCs bathing/feeding/preparing food etc.

I genuinely don’t have the worry of him having another woman in his life (am I naive?) but I definitely feel like he prefers to be on his own at the moment, instead of spending potential time with me.
I don’t know if I am just being needy though.

Am I being unreasonable to expect more?

Mr. Noodle and I have taken to spending the day apart as if we're at work (well, I actually am). I'm staying at the kitchen table and he's in the lounge. We come back together for dinner and then spend the evening together. It's not that we don't love each other, but being together all day everyday without relenting will get old very quickly. We have a list of things that need doing around the house and one of us will get to it when we fancy.

What productive or useful things do you think he should be doing?

I think you sound needy. Why does his nap annoy you?

Let him spend time on his own. Why would you want him with you all the time?

Why isn’t he getting out for some exercise?

If he’s bored then he can do some cleaning or gardening etc. to pass the time.
And his nap annoys me because it’s almost 1.5 hours or more after a full 8-hour sleep. It’s mostly out of boredom probably.

I probably am being needy. I don’t know if it’s just hormonal due to being nearly 5 months pregnant but I don’t feel this neediness is down to that

Why are you annoyed by him napping, and why doesn’t he go outside for a walk once a day?

Not many couples will be enjoying being together 24/7, and quite a few relationships will end because of the strain of being forced together during the lockdown.

It would be a good idea to discuss with your DH how you could both change things a little bit so you can both benefit.
e.g he could nap upstairs where you won't see him, and maybe he could ask you to change/stop something that's annoying him ?

As for 'jobs', why don't you both write a list for yourselves to as and when time/ DC etc allow, but agree not to tell each other what to do ?

It's a huge strain on relationships being together all the time, but if you can agree on how and when you will both get some 'alone time' and some 'social time' (i.e face-time online with friends etc) as well as some 'family time', things should improve for you both.

Is he doing any cleaning or gardening or are you doing it all?

We have all got to finds way to cope in this situation that is new to us.

His way of coping and your way of coping are different.

Stay united, this will be over soon xxx

All he does is go on facebook/youtube and also has a midday nap after lunch (which really really bugs me)

So he is leaving all the childcare to you whilst he chills all day?

How old is your other DC?

Is either of you WFH or still out working?

Do you have DC? And is he therefore shirking his share of responsibility?

If not, YABU. Who cares if he has a nap after lunch? what do you want him to be doing? Hanging out with you non stop? It sounds like he likes to get out and about and isn't able to do so. why isn't he leaving ht house for short walks? You say you're self isolating - is that because of symptoms? But if your'e 7 days in, he could still go out for an appropriately distanced walk away from other people.

To be honest, you do sound needy. And a bit controlling. You get to be annoyed if he promised to do x or y or is leaving the childcare to you. Otherwise, you should let him cope the way he copes as long as he's not completely ignoring you.

When you are not used to spending all your time together it is difficult. Each of you needs time out for part of the day whether it’s going for a walk, shutting yourself away read, whatever works for you. We all just have to keep going.