Ex plans to mix households and see the dc

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My ex and I have young dc who live with me and see him regularly. We've been in 2 week isolation until a few days ago because I was ill but that's finished now and all feeling fine. Ex observed isolation too at his house so that he could still see the dc (as permitted, driving door to door).

He has told me that he plans to move into his girlfriend's house and only go to his house when he has the dc. He says this is fine because she won't be seeing anyone but him (apart from the food shopping and daily exercise they both will do).

I'm very angry. I'm an essential worker (NHS) and due back in work in a few days. I am relying on him to look after the children while I am at work. I could send them to school but really don't want to and the hours I need wouldn't be covered anyway.

What he's planning to do is totally illegal, dangerous and selfish isn't it? Everyone else is missing their loved ones (I'm no different) and he thinks it's fine to shack up with his girlfriend and then travel back to his house to see his dc. By adding an unnecessary 3rd party into the mix he's just increasing the risk to the dc, me and the people I come into contact with at work.

Am I overreacting if I say he has to choose between seeing her or seeing the dc, even though that'll put me in a very difficult position with covering childcare and work? Should I threaten to report him? Who would I report him to?

Any advice would be great. Thanks.

I get what you're saying but if she's also isolating then it's not a major risk. It's more the fact that he thinks the rules don't apply to him.

Then his suggestion seems pretty sensible

@AnneLovesGilbert there's no need to accuse me of being jealous. Would it help if I told you that he was abusive and I'm glad we split and that we coparent much better as a result and that I also have a new partner who although I'm missing him, I wouldn't dream of visiting during lock down because it's unnecessary and against the rules and we'll survive? Or would that be totally irrelevant to the question I asked?

@Waxonwaxoff0 exactly. If we all did what he's planning to do then what would be the point of a lock down?

And also exactly yes - it would be massively unsettling for the children to meet his girlfriend so soon, especially when everything else in their lives is up in the air.

It’s irrelevant if you’re claiming on the one hand to coparent well and need him to have the kids while you work and on the other to judge him and his sex life and threaten to report him to the police

I get that it's annoying that he's breaking the rules, but the likely risk to you, your DC, and the people you come into contact with at work is minimal if GF is adhering to the rules in all other ways.

There's really not a lot you can do about the situation, but MN can have a useful function in providing a place where you can get cross about it, as you can't necessarily do so in real life. I can see how I might feel bothered by the same scenario if it were happening with me, but as someone not emotionally attached to your situation, I think the risk is small and you just have to accept that it's going to be this way (but you get to be annoyed by it). Involving anyone in authority, or restricting access, may create an awful situation.

I think if you object he is likely to move in with her and have the kids together. You won’t have a say. His suggestion seems sensible to me. Please don’t report to the police!

I think if you push this he will do it anyway he just won't tell you he is doing it.

YABU. His risk to your DC is much, much lower than yours is. Reporting him to the police would be spiteful and counterproductive to decent co-parenting.