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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The Irritation Factor

8 replies

Tempmum2 · 06/04/2020 13:46

I am really feeling the irritation factor now. Moved in with my partner last summer, who I love very much. I have 3 children and he has 2 all of which live with us all the time and the house is a happy home. I am fine with his daughter as she interacts with the family and helps out and we all get on well but his son drives me to distraction, if I am being logical he stays in his room and I don't have to be around him much but I can't shake the feeling of irritation which is now impacting on my relationship as I am not good at hiding it.

His 17 year old son has spent the past 3 weeks on his bed playing his playstation, he doesnt wash till he is told to do so and then puts dirty clothes back on, after being told for 3 days to get in the shower his dad then praises him for doing it with a 'good lad' wth! He wonders downstairs when he wants food and then sits away from everyone so he can watch utube clips on his phone. The only conversation he has is about cyber world. He also feels the need to sneakerly pinch food from the kitchen, why cant he just get it rather than hide it in his clothes when he thinks nobody is looking.

The thing is he hasn't changed since lock down he was as lazy before, doesnt keep his room, his bedding, himself or his clothes clean. Does bare minimum at college to get a pass but preaches about how he is going to uni, was going to claim a bursery (based on his mams wages - he doesn't even live or sleep over there) rather than get a job - that is not happening I put my foot down quoting fraud.

It is now impacting on my relationship as I just see his dad leaving him to it so he has an easy life.

Just need to let of steam!!!

OP posts:
astropoodle · 06/04/2020 13:50

You've moved into his home and it sounds like you don't like him very much so I'm not surprised you aren't getting on with him. He's probably keeping out of your way.

Thehop · 06/04/2020 13:52

You don’t like how your oh parents, can you honestly see this relationship lasting?

Janedoughnut · 06/04/2020 13:57

To be honest op he sounds like a normal teenager. I would imagine if he was your son you'd be less irritated.

Mairyhinge · 06/04/2020 13:59

Right now with everything going on, I'd leave him to it. Sounds very much like my 17 year old ds and life's just easier if he's left to his own devices. I get wound up if I try to get him to do anything.
It's hard. And my ds has royally pissed me off today by just not doing the smallest things he's been asked to do. But I've had to take a deep breath and ignore it. For now.

Candyfloss99 · 06/04/2020 14:02

What do you want him to do? He sounds like a normal teenager?

Tempmum2 · 06/04/2020 14:54

Wow a lot of rude opinions on here! Maybe some people just need a little help not a raft of abuse. Didn't realise I was entering the perfect parenting forum.

To add:
we bought a house together I didn't move into his house - first incorrect presumption astropoodle.
Thehop - yes I can haha - very nasty, should be proud of yourself
Janedoughnut, thank you for you rationalle and honest opinion. yes you are right, however his daughter is lovely and we get along fine so I'm not sure it is just a his and mine thing
Mairyhinge - again thank you, totally agree with you - thank you for making me feel normal
Candyfloss - get washed, do his teeth, and not presume everyone else will cook and clean after him.

OP posts:
SleepOhHowIMissYou · 06/04/2020 16:22

We all have to cope in our own way during this weird time.

He is coping by keeping in touch with his friends online and doing things that interest him.

He'll be off to University by the sounds of it, problem solved.

I would take the stealing of food to be an indicator of how he feels about his 'home' and of you in particular.

Leave the parenting to his parent who seems to be using encouragement and save the nagging for your own children.

His body and his room are not your business. He is 17 years old.

Back off or you'll alienate his father too. Imagine how you'd feel if your partner did nothing to disguise how much he hated one of your kids.

DareToTiger · 06/04/2020 16:53

Sounds like a pretty normal minging teenage boy to me.

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