I have turned into Mrs Justaboutgettingby. She does her bit getting shopping for neighbours, staying home when not rostered on her ‘key worker’ job, clapping the carers etc. but compared to everyone else out there, she’s probably on the lower end on the scale of productively-spent lockdowns.
As Mrs Justaboutgettingby, I find myself admiring all the initiatives going on but at the same time rejecting them all, like the quarantine grinch. My thighs haven’t seen a single Joe Wicks workout – frankly I need all my energy just to get through the day and it’s all too reminiscent of Winston doing his morning physical jerks in front of a telescreen in Orwell’s 1984. I prefer a good walk with the dog and a bit of a run around in the garden because that’s what we’d normally do if we were having a lazy day. Normally. Turns out normal was wonderful and gathering little nuggets of normal helps create an illusion where the virus hasn’t completely taken over our lives.
I confess there’s no rainbow in our window – it feels eerily like putting a plague amulet up and my yellow felt tip has run out anyway. I grudgingly took part in a stifled Zoom chat where we all looked like a split-screen intro to a naff eighties soap opera and after spotting how horrific my roots are, I promptly pretended my Wi-fi had gone down.
I’ve cocooned our family away from news articles apart from the mere headlines and social media has become a terrifying place. People bombarding me with naff quizzes, Olympic standard homeschooling, ideas and more ideas, bossy hashtags and a disturbing degree of self-righteousness and shaming. Human contact and freedom of movement are basic human needs that are being denied to us, by all means vent your anger at the reckless rule breakers but don’t ever call this thing easy.
So my lockdown persona is probably a rather quiet, grumpy one, just living one day to the next and ignoring the knot of worry rooting in my chest. However, something seems to be emerging from my cocoon. A slightly better version of me that rings my Mum every day, sends cards to let people know I love them, thanks God every day for good health, thinks deeply every day about the bravery of NHS workers and doesn’t bin a wrinkly pepper. Next time I go to a beach, a restaurant or a park or stand at the school gate, I will savour every sight, smell, noise, with a new appreciation that I could never have had before. So my lockdown persona may be not perfect but I have to forgive her and be kind to her - she’s just getting by.