Firstly: my question after all the rambling will be- AIBU to be selfish? has anyone else been through this and managed to communicate it to the important ppl in their life.
What you need to know is: single mum to 3 kids (1, 5, 10) . Relationship with their dad broke down 6 months ago. He now lives with someone else (I am happy about this)
So after the relationship broke down I decided it was sensible to address how I felt. I started going to counselling. This was hugely beneficial and flagged up quite a few things I wanted to address.
One of these was lack of good sex. I have never had an earth moving leg shaking orgasm, and I would like one, so I started online dating. I’ve been having plenty of ok sex (up until lockdown) but have yet to find that elusive orgasm. Happy to keep looking tho!
This led me to realise that it is probably an emotional thing, and maybe I should pursue a connection rather than just sex.
So taking advantage of our isolation I have started texting/talking and developing a bit more of an emotional attachment rather than just friends with benefits. This has led to a question- what is your favourite (insert literally anything- toast topping, music, colour)
(Are you still with me?!)
My mum and my ex are both ‘you should’ people. They have an opinion on everything, how much exercise I/my kids should do, what colour I should have the cushions on my sofa etc. I believe this has led to me not having an opinion, not having any favourites, not being strong enough to commit to one preferred flavour of jam.
So I have decided that actually I am good enough, and I don’t need these people telling me how I should live my life, how I should feel, that my son should not spend his spare time playing fortnite, that I should not be online dating yet coz it’s too soon, this sounds really cheesy- but I need to find out who I am, discover what my favourite things actually are and not worry about being judged/disapproved of.
So- AIBU or selfish to do this? My mum particularly will really struggle if I tell her that her opinion is invalid.
I appreciate the irony of coming on here, but I am not asking what I should do, I am asking is it really a selfish thing to say no- we are doing things my way. And how the fuck do I break the cycle! And if you have been through this, how do you communicate it to these people (coz I can’t get rid of them!)