People are allowed to be upset about other things. AIBU?

[Jennifer2r]

AIBU to think people are allowed to be disappointed about cancelled weddings, not being able to go on the holiday they were looking forward to, birthday plans being cancelled, not liking the house they live in, etc.

I think you have two choices in response, either 'yes, you must have been looking forward to that, what a shame' or 'for goodness sake, there's a global pandemic, don't you have anything better to worry about?', and which one you choose says more about you than anything.

AIBU to think there's always been something awful in the world that you could point to and say 'how can you be upset about when that is going on?!'

AIBU to think that unless its excessive and prolonged, let people be upset about things?

Yep, the playing of Top Trumps at times like this are ridiculous. Minimising other people’s feelings is unhelpful.

And guess what, for some, this isn’t and won’t be the worst thing they’ve dealt with.

Totally agree, but the manner of being upset about it makes a big difference. Being disappointed and discussing this with loved ones (via Skype!) - fine. Making a big play of complaining about how unfair it is in the context of what others are going through - not fine.

I have to admit I'm getting fed up of seeing people constantly belittling others opinions with the phrase "is that all you have to worry about"

I'm sure it naturally goes without saying that they are also worried about the virus but it would be nice to read an entire thread where someone didn't come out with the above phrase.

Of course people are allowed to be upset. But someone said to me recently and I think it really resonated:

We are all going through a storm, a big scary, killer storm. Some of us are ridding it out in an underground shelter, and some of us are on a dinghy in the middle of the ocean being beaten with waves and wind. We are all feeling it, but at different levels.

It's OK to be anxious, scared, and upset during times like this. It is only natural. But it is important to keep perspective. There is no "Suffering Olympics" where one need to keep one-upping others about how awful one has it.

I think it is more about being kind to yourself, allowing yourself to be upset, but also trying to be grateful for your situation and, most importantly, have some perspective.

I have a friend whose wedding is being called off and she’s devastated. DH missed the scan for his firstborn and I had to go to the hospital alone. I have a friend who has recently ended a long term relationship at 33 and while coming to terms with being single again in her 30s is now trapped in a short term studio let on her own.

Of course these things aren’t as serious as people dying but of course people are upset. Competitive misery is horrid and anyone who lacks the compassion to understand that isn’t the good person they think they are.

I think there's a balance. It's ok to be disappointed about your cancelled holiday - but not ok to moan about it in front of someone who has lost their job.

MN has always done this even without a pandemic.

The top trumps these days is getting out of hand. Of course its OK.

It depends. Firstly on who you speak to. If you go on moaning about your 5th holiday of the year is cancelled to someone who hasn't been on holiday for 5 years, then yes, YABU.

Same if you are constantly moaning about everything as some do, about the same things others have to do without. It does grate after a while.

Talking about how you never imagined you'd had to cancel your wedding for this reason, that your insurance won't pay and what you've already paid for, you won't get back, that you feel upset that you should now be Mrs X, but that you understand that you have to accept the situation. Of course it's ok.

Yes we are all human just because there's a pandemic doesn't mean we can't be upset about things we were looking forward to.

You can't just bottle your feelings up cause someone else has it worse.

I think people forget that we are capable of feeling many things at the same time. Expressing sadness at a holiday cancellation does not mean that you are not also sad and sympathetic to a nurse facing a shift on a Covid ward. You can also feel grief for the neighbour who has lost their partner. The only thing to bear in mind is who you share your feelings with. The neighbour and the nurse may, understandably, not feel compassion for your holiday loss right now so choose your audience carefully.

Of course we are! My DH and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary yesterday whilst I'm self-isolating from my DH because of COVID-19 symptoms! We were going to go away for 2 nights in the Dales whilst our DDs (11 and 8) were at a Christian Easter camp this week, I'd been looking forward to it for ages. So of course we were sad.

I agree, but I think mindfulness and gratitude, seeing the bigger picture etc are important in talking yourself through it and feeling better about whatever has ended up cancelled/postponed

The pp summed it up we have many emotions at the same time , I have had to get over the fact my holiday of a lifetime is about to be cancelled ( we go may) . Do I think that compares to the poor woman lost her 13 year old and couldn’t go to the funeral - of course not. Do I think it compared what the frontline staff experience every day - not even close but I still have a right to my own feelings about my own life.

The big difference is once the world returns to “ normal” we will be able to book another holiday for some it has changed in a horrific way forever.

That doesn’t mean we don’t need an outlet for our own disappointment and to process that

Of course we need to be mindful; my DH and I are really grateful that I'm going to come through this whereas so many others haven't. I'm also too exhausted to feel much anyway. But obviously it was a shame that we couldn't snuggle up in bed together and laugh at Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers.

It depends what it is. Parents crying on fb that their children didnt get the end of the school year they wanted were silly in my opinion. Or that they didnt get their prom as if that's the most important day their child will ever get. We never had proms. We lived. So will they.

Absolutely. It’s possible to be both disappointed and understand the greater good aspect at the same time!