To ask them to keep the house tidy??

[youngmumx]

I'm 21 and have a son. I live with my son & boyfriend, we both lived with parents when we conceived our son, so we have worked hard to find a comfortable home. Me and my boyfriend are frontline workers, so we still have to work throughout the pandemic.

About 3 months ago, a friend reached out to me after being kicked out of her family home. Me and my partner took her in until she could save up and find a flat/house. She looks after my DS whilst me and my partner are working. She currently isn't paying us board to live here.

When I finish work at 4pm, I come home to the curtains closed in the living room, my friend laying on the sofa watching movies and my DS crawling around with food wrappers in his hands. The house is untidy with plates she has used and food wrappings left on the coffee table.

I did mention this to her, however she just rolled her eyes and walked away from me. I have asked her almost daily to please tidy her mess and to keep the curtains open throughout the day, however nothing is changing.

AIBU asking her to do this? Her reaction to me asking her to clean her mess and open the curtains made me feel like I was being over dramatic over the situation. I don't want to lose my friend however this is my house where my DS lives and I don't want it to be untidy with things laying around that he could choke on etc or cause arguments between me and my partner over my friend.

She needs to go.

Get childcare and get your partner to do the kicking out. She sounds fucking awful.

Never mind the mess. It doesn't sound like she's taking adequate care of your child.

I’m sorry but this isn’t an acceptable childcare arrangement. You need to tell her to leave and find someone else to care for your son.

I can't believe that you are letting this person take care of your child for 4 days a week. Has she any idea how to care for a child? Do you actually care about your child's welfare? You know you can't just pay anyone to be a child minder, they do need to be registered. This is a disaster waiting to happen, but at what cost?

If she leaves, do you have backup childcare?

As PP have said, you need to arrange an alternative as soon as possible, imo.

She is in sole charge of your DS for 32 hours per week. That is 2 to 3 times what an Au Pair could reasonably be expected to do and they are given 'pocket money.' Also, Au pairs are not allowed sole charge of babies.

She doesn't sound equipped to do what you need at all. You could try sitting down with her and saying it's not working out and if it does not improve, she will need to leave. I doubt that would work but it might make you feel better to give one last chance. Maybe she doesn't know what you expect so you could write a really simple routine (like open curtains, pick up plates, play with son ffs...) but you shouldn't have to do that for an adult.

Who was looking after your child before? Could you go back to them or use key worker childcare? I am sorry but worse case scenario, this is an accident waiting to happen. In any case, from what you have posted, your DS will not gain anything from being with this girl for 32 hours per week.

I really sympathise as things are tough right now but put in steps to sort out alternative childcare today, give her notice to leave and if she won't listen, you or your partner might just have to evict her, harsh as that sounds.

If you’re having to suggest that she leaves wrappers out of the way then I think she’s not safe to look after your child properly.

Was just going to say also your mums idea is a good one but..that is you and your partners home, you can both behave as you like iyswim, it’s the ‘friend’ who needs to abide by house rules!
Echo what others have said, and I touched on in my first post, her watching telly all day isn’t exactly looking after your child, and, sorry to be harsh but if something happens to him when in her care you will never forgive her or yourself. As you know yourself looking after young children is demanding and I know I couldn’t just sit and watch tv! DS is only 8 months but he would be furious that I wasn’t entertaining him!
I know you’re in a crappy position but if she was a true friend she would be grateful she had been given somewhere to live and this would come across in her general attitude and she would be helpful, attentive to your child and would be embarrassed if a behaviour was picked up on by her friend and host. If she cannot be gracious as an adult and behave accordingly and doesn’t appear to be bothered that she’s upsetting you with her attitude then what are you actually going to miss if she decides not to be friends with you anymore if and when you tell her to get out?
Life is too short to put up with sh*t like this

And yet you are still meaning your child with her? I'm sorry but you're being irresponsible to save on childcare sand you know it! Wrappers etc in his hands? What if he chokes wake up will you!