To ask you if I have a strange memory?

[Merryoldgoat]

I had some therapy recently (CBT) and we talked about my childhood and I realised how little I could remember - I don’t remember birthday parties, events etc. I have a few memories here and there but no real detail.

My mum died when I was in my teens and I can barely remember stuff around that too although I remember how I felt.

I was trying to remember what my 7yo was like at 2 (same age my younger son is now) and I can’t. It’s really odd.

I remember facts, stuff I learned at A-Level and GSCE (well over 20 years ago), random dates, appointments etc. I have an excellent working memory (I think that’s what it’s called?) but there seem to blanks.

Why is that? What could it be?

Anyone else like this?

I'm the same. It's probably common. There's things I remember in detail but loads I can't remember at all.

I'm exactly the same. I feel sad that I cant really remember my children as babies and toddlers. It helps when I look at pictures but still even then I struggle. I remember bits of my childhood also but not a lot but like you I remember facts I've learnt. I too wonder if this is normal or if I just have a bad memory

I remember very little of my childhood, teens and early twenties, and to be honest it’s a bit hazy after that too. I suffered a lot of mental illness in my teens and was on strong meds, so I put it down to that to an extent, but I also think it’s my brain’s way of dealing with trauma from my youth - can’t worry about what you can’t remember! I do envy people who can recall their lives though.

I didn’t have an especially happy childhood (which I didn’t realise for years) do I wonder if it’s a coping mechanism perhaps.

My DH talks about his childhood friends at school etc and I couldn’t really name teachers or anything like that.

It's unfortunately super common for people to have memory loss due to MI and trauma. I've suffered with it too and it's heartbreaking as it means you can remember the good parts either.

Sending love

Cant*

I see threads on this occasionally with an op worried about not remembering much. Thankfully, the threads attract hundreds of people who are exactly the same!

Thank you all. The irony is my DH can’t remember a conversation from yesterday so, I suppose it doesn’t matter too much.

The film Inside out dealt with that well, key memories stick but you can't keep everything so some things get forgotten.

I have quite a good memory and can delve back and pull bits out, more. So from 7/8/9 onwards but before that is very hazy with some specific bits eg remember the playgroup room and being milk monitor and a particular painting I did that everyone said was really good, and not being able to spell my surname other than that it is hazy. I remember some bits of reception and year 1 in a similar way, more so than play group.

Recently someone from my year died at 42 so it led to me thinking about time at high school and I realised that some of those memories seem fainter than they did before and that freaked me out a bit as I recall remembering more than this but I guess it it that natural fading with the passage of time. I regret not keeping a diary now for that reason.

Definitely sounds like it could be trauma related. Do you have any pictures or videos to look back on?

I’m the same in a lot of ways. My dad, who is 75, seems to remember more about his childhood than I can! Incredibly specific details, friends’ names, etc. My mum died when I was 19 and I do think I’ve struggled more with memories since then. Friends from university talk about particular events or make jokes about things that happened and I have no idea what they’re talking about. I feel like big chunks of my memory disappeared when she died.

@DrierThanANunsNasty

I don’t have any photo except about three of my mum. There are some but my mum’s partner at the time of her death has everything.

It’s funny - I wouldn’t think of my childhood as traumatic but it was very hard at times and I wasn’t very happy for a lot of it.

@Foldinthecheese

I wonder if that’s what happened to me? It’s reassuring that it’s not odd but sad it could be a symptom of being traumatised.

I’m the same. It baffles me when people can pinpoint a memory to specific year or age. My friend often says to me ‘remember when...’ and she’ll talk about our teenage years and I have no recollection of what’s she’s talking about. I can only remember stuff about Dd because I’ve written it down, otherwise I wouldn’t have a clue.

I also had trauma in my childhood which I can remember every single horrible detail of.

My short term memory isn’t up to much neither. I blame that on anxiety and constant worrying! Can’t fit anything else in

I'm the same. It is sad.
Had a reunion with school friends last year and I had to rely on my best friend (who remembers everything ) to get me up to speed.
My DS is always saying to me do you remember this or that and I often say you nest remember I have a bad memory, but I'm good at other stuff!
I keep lots of notes at work and lots of reminders on my phone.
It's not always related to trauma.

I also think it's linked to trauma, I've got huge chunks of memories missing throughout my life (abusive & neglectful alcoholic mother, parents horrendous divorce, followed by an abusive marriage).
Sometimes my memory can be great, I can remember some things from when I was 2 or 3, I'm almost completely blank from maybe 6 to teens except for a few really detailed things occasionally but equally I can completely not remember something that supposedly happened or a conversation from THIS week.

conversely, i had a horrendous childhood and remember everything vividly from age about 2.5 onwards. it’s like a permanent showreel of horrors that runs constantly at the back of my mind.

my only ‘missing’ bits are alcoholic blackouts (sober 6 years now) but those were only hours at a time.

just lucky, i guess!

I'm like this. I can remember certain things from my childhood but not the things that most would remember and be classed as memorable events.
I did have a happy childhood although I did have an absent father and there were issues around this which I don't think were happy times!
Lately my DD 9 has been asking about when she was a baby, what her first word was etc.
I felt absolutely terrible and pretended I'd remembered but in all honesty I don't have a clue. I developed an anxiety disorder a few weeks after she was born and I remember very little about her as a baby/toddler.
My DS who is 19 months older than her, however, I remember everything about

I'm very similar, I can't remember much about my childhood at all. I also can't remember things that other people seem to remember easily, such as the names of my high school teachers or colleagues I used to work with.

I've decided that my brain just doesn't retain information that it will never need again, but it is odd.

I've decided that my brain just doesn't retain information that it will never need again, but it is odd.

That’s interesting...

I used to play the piano and tended to memorise the set pieces whilst learning them. As soon as I got home from the exam I’d need the sheet music again as I could never recall them. Bizarre. I wonder if it’s that? My brain just dumps stuff if it thinks I don’t need it anymore...

I am like this. I remember very little before age 14.

It turns out that the story of my happy childhood was exactly that - a story my mother told us. I revisited it all due to domestic violence and recovering from that - and it turns out I was probably dissociated the whole time - just like I was by the end of the relationship with the abuser. If I hadn't kept diaries and blogs, I'd have forgotten lots of that too.

but the memories are there. When I read my diaries, I remember. I kept diaries as a child too, and I remember some things from reading those. Lots I still don't though - it's like reading someone else's words.

My sisters have more memories than me, and have filled in some blanks - again, some I remember, some I don't even after hearing what they have said.

I have a terrible memory. When I was 18 I basically went through photo albums and tried to reconstruct my life; what happened when, what people's names were.

Probably partly genetic; my dad is the same. I think my son is a bit similar, but my daughter can remember loads.

And also to do with how much structure you have in your life, and whether your family makes memories, as in talking about the past, telling stories. Until I was 9 we moved around a lot and I never had the same friends more than about a year. I can't remember any friends before that time really. Like someone else said, my brain seems to have reckoned that it was pointless remembering them.
I also can't mentally envision a person's face very well, which doesn't help .

On the other hand, I do remember some odd things that struck me in some way or other, and because we moved around so much, I know what age I must have been depending on where the event took place. So that is a kind of structure that helps me remember things.

I've had trauma and I have massive gaps that I cant remember a thing and I hate it.

I can't remember much of my childhood. My parents died when I was in early adulthood, and I don't speak to my brother, so I don't have anyone to reminisce with, I guess. I think one of the reasons that people remember stuff is that it's periodically talked about, and reinforced, and because I don't have that, things just drift away. My memory is now suffering because of the menopause, and my GP said that your brain is like a computer hard drive - there isn't infinite space, and if you try to put more stuff in, you're going to lose some. Sad, really.