How do I tell my daughter to back off?

[Namechangedforthisreply7]

So we’re in lockdown, like everyone else. Kids getting lots of contact with friends using zoom and FaceTime. 10 year old has a bestie she calls most days and they are tight. She has another friend from outside school who she also just gels with. she is totally herself with these girls. With others from school she puts on a bit of an act: they are into boys (already...) snd crushes and tiktok and a bit less naive and innocent I suppose.

She’s also tried to call a few others. She keeps getting ‘sorry can’t talk’ from them. Is it right to say gently, that’s enough now, if they want to call you they will?

The friend from school is moving schools on September. I suppose it would be good to keep in with the other girls but surely I can’t let her keep trying in the face of so many knock backs? what would you do? she will be in year 6 in September and then to a massive comp where she’ll be more likely to find her people. And she’ll still have her two good friends outside school. Is that enough? Is it healthy?

I agree with you. Tell her to focus on the real friends and stop contacting the ones who are blanking her.

Agree with pp. Also many moons ago I went onto secondary with 2 girls from primary. Our friendship didnt even last the first term as they stuck together and I found my own tribe (theatre and drama people).
There are so many new clubs and things at secondary that it s easy to make friends that you stick with as you have more in common.
Your dd will be fine without fairweather friends.

Ahh thanks reckless, she is drama and music too so I’m hoping she’ll meet lots of like minded people! I just had a gentle word and said not to text them again and let them contact you. She got a bit weepy and said ‘no one from school rings me apart from X, are you saying I don’t have any friends?’

So hard. At school she’s in the thick of things but take away that forced social contact and she’s not at the top of many people’s lists. Makes me ache! But I know she’ll be gone in time but next year might be a tough one. Sounds awful but I can’t see her being buddies with these other girls at secondary so frankly the sooner the better for getting to a bigger pond.

She will OP, you ll be surprised how much she changes after a term of secondary!
I wasnt particularly popular in year 6, but by Christmas in year 7 I had a lovely bunch of friends and was in the school choir and play.
My own ds sailed through year 6 with friends he d had since infants but dd really struggled and fell out with loads of girls.
I think yr5/6 as a girl can be really tough!

Ahh thanks for that. I remember it myself! Girls can be so mean and dismissive (my own included). Youngest is very popular and has lots of friends but I think you’re right, eldest has found two of her tribe, they just aren’t in school. I’ll keep setting up plays and sleepovers with them and remind her how important real friends are. Thank you!