I’m pretty sure I’m not BU, but I feel bad about it

[NotAProperGrownUp]

ExH works in NHS as does his partner. They live separately to be near their respective DC but spend most nights together at each other’s homes. ExH has our DC today for a few hours. He’s taken them to his partner’s house for a bbq and to play with her kids. I am tied in knots over the risks etc, but mostly pissed off that I’ve spent 3 weeks under what feels like house arrest entertaining/educating (badly). However, I have to go back to work next week (keyworker role) so will exposing myself and DC to higher risks then.

Basically, AIBU or just jealous for being fed up that they’ve all had a fun day in the sunshine while I’ve sat here doing work on my own?!

So as not to drip feed, ExHs partner was OW for a long time and I can’t/choose not to visit my BF, friends or family as per guidelines. Am I just being a cow?!

YANBU and I would not forgive him for potentially exposing your children to infection by ignoring social distancing.

Nope, he’s broken the rules and is a twat.

Nope yanbu, he's put your children at risk of catching this, to what, play happy familes for a few hours? Compare this to you shielding them for three weeks/essentially putting yourself under house arrest as you put it, in attempt to keep them as safe as possible, while you could.

He and his gf are selfish twats.

Phew thanks. Thought so, but hard to figure out where bitter ExWife ends and pro social mother begins when you’re in the midst of it. Feels crap that we’ve all been put at risk though, being right doesn’t really help with that!

He’s the sort of dipshit that will get us all confined to our houses. As an NHS worker I would have expected him to know better.

Against the rules - no mixing of households

YANBU I would be annoyed too. Similarly I’d be annoyed if my DSS’ Mum did something similar as it would put our household at risk.

I do think the exception to the rule of allowing children to move between parents houses is sketchy, this kind of shows why. My DSS also has a step sibling, who’s also visiting. I don’t know but it’s possible the step sibling has a step sibling. At the least there’s 3 households mixing, all of which contain a key worker so it completely undermines the efforts of us all to social distance.

Thing is, he works in the same department as his partner, so they’re both exposed to the same stuff (in a hospital, so I guess risky!). If they lived together then it would be like this - so I sort of understand his reasoning. I don’t like it though!

@TriangleBingoBongo yes, it’s a weird area that is so hard to work out! I have to go to work (social care) from next week so don’t feel in a position to be lecturing, but feel a bit hacked off I have literally zero adult company while he lives his life as per normal!

If I were you I’d consider not allowing the children to see him.

I would prefer DSS didn’t visit atm, just because I have asthma and because of the extra mixing. It’s not my call and DH won’t have it but I do feel it’s an unnecessary risk to us all. Especially as his Mum isn’t working atm so doesn’t need the help with childcare.

If tables were turned and it was my own DC who I had the ability to completely shield, I would. I’d like to think the other parent would understand.

Tbh I kind of get the ambiguity if they work together. I work alongside my friends in high risk areas and by the nature of our jobs we can’t socially distance at work. I’m not sure I see the big increase in risk if I were to go to their house...

You can work in the same department but not be exposed to exactly the same risk all day. I might not make contact with several of my colleagues day to day.

It’s just an additional opportunity to expose IMO. Makes sense to minimise the risk by limiting the opportunities to contract the virus.

@TriangleBingoBongo, they’re also sharing two homes. I do get it’s not a clear cut decision; I’ve been trying to reduce risk wherever possible, it’s not always possible

The thing is the potential risk you might expose them to is because of your essential role as a keyworker. His is for a fun barbecue. So the risk might not be as great, but it's totally avoidable.

YANBU.