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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

11 year old walking home / home alone - AIBU?

47 replies

WeyKorker · 05/04/2020 17:42

I am a key worker.

DC is just 11 and starting high school in September.

I am currently working reduced hours around the school as the after school club is not open. The shortfall in hours is being taken from my Annual Leave and would be unpaid if this goes beyond my allowance.

I am wondering if it would be a terrible idea for DC to come home from school by themselves and be in the house for around 2 hours alone until I get back from work. They have a phone and family within a 8 minute walk who are home all day at the moment.

They know the walk well and it takes under 15 minutes to do it. I am just concerned about it being so empty on the streets and what might happen if the police were to see them?

OP posts:

LellyMcKelly · 05/04/2020 20:01

My DS was walking home from school by himself from Christmas of Year 6. As long as you’re happy the route is safe I’d let them go. I always stipulated they could help themselves to a snack no cooking until I got home..

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 05/04/2020 20:31

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow He absolutely can and does use them but we left him for an entire morning while we worked and I wanted to mitigate the chance that something could go wrong. He’s never been left for longer than 1/2 an hour before and I was anxious to make sure nothing went wrong.

If he broke a glass (which he’s done a good few times, he’s a butterfingers like me) I didn’t want him worrying about it or cutting himself trying to tidy up.

As he gets more confident we’ll loosen up.

Dieu · 05/04/2020 20:42

My daughter would be mortified if I collected her from high school. Totally fine to walk home, in my opinion

JKScot4 · 05/04/2020 20:46

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp
The toaster and microwave are perfectly safe to use, what odd rules you have.
Why not a shower? do you supervise him in the shower when you’re home?
He won’t gain in confidence when you’re treating him like a 2 yr old.

Ponoka7 · 05/04/2020 20:47

I also think it would be fine. Just tell him to start yelling if anyone is bothering him. Normally you'd think that if is kids messing around, but at the moment people would take notice.

bigchris · 05/04/2020 20:54

Normally I'd say fine but not st the moment

I am a key worker and 45 and feel nervous in town at the moment , it's very quiet , the only people who come up to you are homeless starving and wanting money , they don't want the hotel room offered because they're on drugs

Plus his school day will have been lonely, he won't have his usual friends there

Two hours is a long time to be home alone too , he might be worried about you being out etc

If there is a way around it I'd not do it for the sake of his mental health

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 05/04/2020 21:03

@JKScot4 This was the first time I’d ever left him alone for a significant portion of time. He’s 10 years old. These won’t be the rules for all time just while he’s getting used to being alone in the house.

Of course I don’t supervise him in the shower but I’m here in the house and if he slipped and fell I’d hear it. If he did that while alone he’d have to get to his phone to call me and wait 20 minutes for me to dash home from work. Not ideal and easily avoidable.

FourDecades · 05/04/2020 21:05

It was a case of having to for my DC. Single parent. I have life360 on their phones so l can see where they are.

I also left a list of who they can.call for help.

LouiseCollina · 05/04/2020 21:08

I can barely believe this is a serious question. The streets are like something off a film about a ghost town. Posters are referring to your child as ‘him’ but I don’t remember you specifying which sex? Maybe I missed it. I wouldn’t do this with a child of either sex, but with girls especially, this type of hoping for the best attitude exposes them to sexual predators and there are many more of those out there than we might think. It’s frightening to think how vulnerable a child would be in these circumstances, walking the same deserted route day after day until some scumbag noticed her routine. Just no way.

goldpartyhat · 05/04/2020 21:09

I used to walk home at 11. Around 10 minutes. I know other parents who allow this, so if they are a sensible 11 year old, then I'm sure it's fine. Much better now than during the dark winter months.

Dontunderestimateme · 05/04/2020 21:44

I wouldn't be comfortable with the walking home at the moment as the streets are so quiet and it's all a bit weird. Is there any way you could leave work long enough to drop DC home, then go back, or to your last couple of hours from home?

Poppi89 · 05/04/2020 21:57

It would depend on your area, the route and distance etc. For your own peace of mind could your family member meet her and walk her home (at a distance obviously).

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 05/04/2020 22:11

Speak to the school about it, maybe someone else walks in the same direction - someone he'd be mixing with at school anyway so no additional virus risk. Or maybe someone else is in the same position and they've found a solution already that might work for you.

formerbabe · 05/04/2020 22:15

My ds is 12...once a week I take my dd to an appointment and he walks home, let's himself in and is alone for about half an hour till I get back. Make sure he practices using the front door key. Make a plan of action if he loses his key or loses his phone or if he loses both!

formerbabe · 05/04/2020 22:16

I appreciate however that you are making this decision in slightly different circumstances due to cv

shinynewapple2020 · 05/04/2020 22:23

I think that this is the right time in Y6 to start getting your DC to come home from school by themselves anyway, in preparation for secondary school in September. Perhaps you could use next week whilst you are still using your leave to start meeting them halfway and by the end of the week let them walk the journey alone.
And if they haven't spent time alone in the house before, again, part way through Y6 is the time to start.
I recall the main issue when we did this was my concern about crossing the road and traffic, but there's so much less traffic on road now anyway.
Give it a go and see how your DC feels about it.

rayoflightboy · 05/04/2020 22:26

My kids walk home from school.If you are feeling iffy,just get him to ring relative when leaving school and when in the house.

Darbs76 · 05/04/2020 22:27

Yes I would. My daughter starting coming home on the train (2 stops) in year 6

missyB1 · 05/04/2020 22:37

hmmm... I have a year 6 child who is 11. I wouldn’t be happy with the situation at the moment for him to be walking around by himself, and then being alone at home for two hours. But you probably don’t have much choice, you just need to go with your gut instinct and make sure he / she is prepared for any eventuality.
I’ve got to say I would be quite anxious if it was my child.

Riv · 05/04/2020 22:40

I think the quieter streets are actually safer at the moment. So many people are indoors looking out!

Anyone out and about is bound to be seen in a residential area. A loud shout from your child would bring so many faces to the window anyone intending harm would have a tough time.

A text when they get home would give you peace of mind though.

11 is old enough for most children to be doing familiar journeys on their own (parents do know deep down if their child is one of the few who aren’t ready) Round here we have a middle school system, most children are expected to travel to and from school independently, including using busses, by the end of year 5 - i.e. first year of middle school.

Celeriacacaca · 05/04/2020 22:48

You know your child best and if they're happy, I think it's fine. Maybe get a keysafe in a discreet place to save lost keys. Also have a tracking app on their phone and this will give you peace of mind.

Jux · 05/04/2020 22:54

Depends on your child. If he's sensible, then he'll be fine with a bit of extra independence; if he's a flake, then not so much.

DD started coming home alone when she moved into secondary, and that was bus then train then walk.

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