Does anyone else have a wrecking ball child?

[Merryoldgoat]

My child is like a demolition team and it’s depressing me massively, obviously it’s magnified atm.

My 2yo has a speech delay, possible ASD and he’s driving me mad.

We have a big enough house and garden but because the living room is open plan it’s utter chaos. He just walks around emptying toy boxes, pulling stuff out of drawers, pulling cushions off chairs and I’m over it.

He’s also attempting to drop his fucking nap so spends ages grumpy, then sleeps at a stupid time, then is angry when we wake him up and the. He won’t go down until stupid o’clock.

I’m getting depressed (has previously felt well enough to plan to come off ADs - not now!) and my house is making me feel anxious.

We have the challenges many have right now - both DH and I working from home trying to keep 2 children happy, occupied whilst fulfilling our obligations to our employers.

I’m unable to settle down in this mess.

I’m just ranting now but I can’t see a way to improve stuff.

What can I do? Don’t tell me ignore the mess - I’m not a clean freak by any stretch - I have a relaxed attitude to housework - it’s too much.

@Chillicheese123

I really can’t but god I wish I could. My downstairs is a kitchen at the front and then a very large living room and windows are unhelpfully positioned so stud walls aren’t possible.

We do have a little indoor trampoline too. I’ve switched on disco lights and he’s running after then which is a rest I suppose.

@quarantinevibes

That’s sounds extremely difficult to manage and I really feel for you. Genuinely don’t know how I’d cope with such extremes.

It sounds hard! When did he turn 2?
You said he's dropping the nap.. Would he sleep if you got him in the pram and just walked - I have a 25 month old.. Also wants to drop the nap hit seriously still needs it. I bride him with rice cake or some small snack to keep him busy while I strap him in the rain cover on to stop him playing with the hood and we walk.. Currently in circles round the cul-de-sac.. Usually he's asleep in around 30 mins. Sometimes longer.. Once asleep though he will normally nap for 1.5/2 hours.. We just leave him in the pram at the back door. If he doesn't go to sleep by 130 he doesn't sleep.. And I do wake him at 230 if not already awake as honestly he wouldn't go to bed otherwise.
With the possible asd he will prob need shown how to play which is hard to do while also both working from home. Does he have any favourite toys? Cars / trains? Blocks to stack?
Could you limit the amount of toys to say the ones he plays best with? You could try using a picture exchange system for him to request toys - so if you take a pic of each of those 5 toys and then preferably velcro them to a page. Ask him what he wants to play with and show how to choose from th pictures. Aim is that eventually he will bring the picture to you to make the request. If he is getting frustrated because of the speech issues and not being able to communicate want he wants it might help.
Does he like messy/ sensory play?
Shaving foam in a tray or a tray of rice krispies and diggers. A bucket of water and a paintbrush - outside! Mess free although may need a change of clothes after.
Do you have any light up or spinning toys?
Does he like playing an iPad or watching TV? I know a lot of people will say toddlers shouldn't be on it but in my view we are currently in very different circumstances. It's a lot harder to entertain them all day when we can't even go to the park or soft play to tire them out. If it would entertain him long enough for you to have a cup of tea or 5 mins peace it is worth it.

DS wasn't as full on as you describe - however we would set him up with an activity and within 5 mins he would lose interest. So he never really played with toys. I would do what others have said and put lots of it away.
Things over the years that have been popular - micro scooter, bike, football, mini basketball, trampoline, football net, iPod touch.
So basically not toys in the sense that he would sit and play.
Some kids I think just need interaction and fresh air. It's hard work when they drop their nap too.
I know it's hard at the moment but just get outdoors as much as possible.

Something that helped DS massively was removing sugar and gluten from his diet (he has a lot of allergies but although he was not allergic to sugar he was to mostly everything. That contained it). 15 years after he is having both. I think he is ok with sugar now, but he gets incredibly fidgety and distracted if he has too much bread.

Suspecting asd or another condition, pre diagnosis, is very stressful at the best of times, and in this unprecedented situation I really feel for you. Can you get a few days off work to ease up the pressure? The emptying out sounds very sensory seeking - could try replacement toys for this behaviour eg mini ball pit, a squishy den with cushions, mini trampoline etc - very difficult though even so. I have found a rota v helpful as when totally stressful I can see that it’s only so long until I can swap over x

I mean it’s difficult but we’ve had years of it now and I think I’ve just got used to it, as much as I can.
As for advice I would suggest spending as much time playing out doors as possible. Does he like water play? At that age my ds loved having a water table, you can get him a little watering can etc to keep him busy.
Maybe some chalk so he can draw on the patio? Basically spend as much time out doors as possible to keep inside tidy!
Have a look online at the Melissa and Doug wooden toys maybe he can do the shape puzzles and things like that to keep him busy. Or what about some sensory toys if he’s being assessed for autism. A dinosaur torch on amazon is good make the room dark and he can shine it on the walls. Also a disco globe so he can watch all the colours go around the wall and keep him occupied perhaps? Easier said than done though I know as when you take your eyes off them things can get broken very quickly.
I hope you feel a bit better op it’s not easy xx

Get 7 boxes and divide toys into them. keep them all out of sight and reach. A new box everyday. Each toy is played with longer than if available all the time and quicker to tidy up.

Nap dropping stage is shit. Could he replace it with quiet time. Calm movie on sofa. No interaction just quiet with milk/snack/whatever aids the calmness. I literally couldn't even look at my daughter during her quiet time but afterwards she would be happy and fresh as if she had had a nap.

Sorry you're going through this OP.

@Malvinaa81 how is that relevant?

OP, I don’t know if maybe your DS might eventually be diagnosed with ASD or ADHD, but if he is he may be lucky enough to encounter CAMHS and, even though they are stretched beyond belief, some of the interventions they may offer. One thing I know is that kids with sensory issues that get referred into occupational therapy get advice on lots of ways to head off that sensory need your DS is displaying. They call it a ‘sensory diet’ and some others may be able to offer advice, but basically it’s like a list of sensory exercises to do so that he might not feel the need to throw or swing or all the other things he might do. You could have a search online but it might involve light or heavy touch or things like foot massage or stretching. Might be worth some research.

My own DS is 14 now, has ADHD but also quite ‘sensory seeking’. As you say, if he grabbed a belt he would unconsciously swing it around in a dangerous way for the sensory feedback, he often used to put heavy items in socks to swing them around, and still swings off things even now

@Malvinaa81alvina wait until you are blessed with a hyperactive kid, I’m sure it would help you grow your empathy.

OP, have you tried weighted therapy? We have a weighted blanket and it’s amazing at calming them down. And melatonin. And in my opinion, you need to UP the ADs in times like these.

Get 7 boxes and divide toys into them. keep them all out of sight and reach. A new box everyday. Each toy is played with longer than if available all the time and quicker to tidy up

And for everything else where do you keep it all if it is to be hidden out of reach.

@Malvinaa81

What are you talking about? I’ve posted on a forum about how to manage difficulties with my child. I’ve not said I hate him, don’t want him, don’t love him, don’t care for him.

All I’ve asked is how a child who is like a wrecking ball can be managed.

If you’ve never had and difficulties parenting I’m glad for you. However I’m not quite so lucky so I’ll seek advice thank you.

You, on the other hand can fuck off 👍🏽

I think it’s quite normal at 2 to go round destroying the house. Mine are 12 and 15 now but I have spent years cleaning up toys over the years. I think you need to restrict access to some toys so he can only make so much mess. It’s not an easy time at the moment, so everything is magnified

Thank you everyone else - really helpful stuff there.

I can put the majority of stuff in his room (obviously he doesn’t spend much time in there alone at 2).

He’s only just 2 for the poster who asked. He definitely needs his nap. A walk in the buggy is a very good idea - I’ll try that today. Normally I’d pop him in the car but it’s not appropriate at the moment.

And I may well talk to doctor about upping the ADs - I’m on the lowest dose so I don’t think it would be an issue.

My older boy has HFA but he’s very different. He’s still a bit over excitable but a) toys can stay in his room and b) he’s got exceptionally good verbal communication skills and has had since very young so it was always possible to talk to him (well, from 18 months or so - full sentences before 2 and starting to read).

This little chicken is an entirely different proposition.

Having said all of the above. He went to bed by midnight and slept well so it’s been a reasonable night.

Yes. My ADD wrecking ball is 5 and I'm worried our home won't survive the quarantine. Constant jumping and crashing on, off, around furniture and flinging heaving toys across the room.

I'm a single parent so need to be with him at all times. Some days are OK and other days I feel like I'm suffocating.

Hi op have you heard of/tried any 'heavy work' activities? If you try googling it there are lots of ideas out there. If you image search there are some printable lists that I have given out in the past to families who I work with. Lots of these activities can be helpful.
I find sometimes I crave things like that myself especially if I'm feeling cooped up or frustrated. Another idea might be looking at sensory activities in general. Maybe proprioceptive or vestibular activities. Or maybe looking at schemas, which is where children learn through repetitive actions like tipping and throwing. If your dc does have a repetitive interest like that, like tipping out toys, it could be possible to offer different opportunities for them so they're still meeting that need but in ways that are more productive or easier to clean up etc. My toddler is really into throwing at the moment. So every time she throws something I don't want her to I redirect her to some balls and bean bags and a bucket and encourage her to throw them instead. It doesn't always work but it helps.