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AIBU?

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Original poster

FIL bringing builders home!

35 replies

navteexo · 05/04/2020 08:36

We live with our FIL and MIL. Both in their 60's. We have a 10 week old, and a 2 year old. Just found out FIL has invited over 3 of his builder mates to get some work done downstairs and theyre coming in an hour. Wtf!!!!!

Ive spoken to him, tried to get thru to him, husbands told him not to even think about it, MIL doesnt give a crap because she wants the work done. FIL's response is 'oh dont worry about it, nothing is going to happen' .... this is the same man who was breaking the roof which had asbestos, without any protective equipment last year.

We cant PHYSICALLY stop him, husbands going to work in a minute (keyworker). But i would love to show him this thread because he clearly thinks we are overreacting

OP posts:
user1465335180 · 05/04/2020 09:10

If your DH pays the mortgage then surely you do have a say. I had a full set of scaffolding around the house done before lockdown but I won't let the builders come back yet. We all need to stay safe, your FIL is an idiot

PersonaNonGarter · 05/04/2020 09:13

So many issues here.

Your home is not your home.

JudyCoolibar · 05/04/2020 09:13

I hope when your DH took over the mortgage an interest in the property was conveyed to him?

worriedmama1980 · 05/04/2020 09:21

Can you speak to the builders and make it clear they're there against your consent, you don't think this is essential movement, you have a young baby and you want them to leave? If you're not overly concerned about relations with you FIL, tell them your husband is the one paying the mortgage and he doesn't want the work done.

A six week old baby has died from this, I think you FIL is an idiot. But it also sounds like your living situation is insane: why are you paying the mortgage on a house when you can't even have a say over the safety of your own children who are living in it?

HyacynthBucket · 05/04/2020 09:23

Call 101. You and the baby are at risk. Your FIL is an idiot who is taking risks with everyone else's health too, including the builders. What is it with these people? Good luck OP you deserve better than this.

Marnie76 · 05/04/2020 09:26

Surely a mortgage wouldn’t be given unless the house was also under that name. Therefore this house is not your FIL’s anyway, so he has no right to make alterations.
Tell him to leave your house alone, protect his grandchildren and listen to the ‘rules’.

LakieLady · 05/04/2020 09:27

I think your name has to be on the title to the property if your name is on the mortgage.

Even if the house is in your ILs' names, this is still utterly foolhardy. To put your own health (and life) at risk is one thing, that's up to you, but to put your children's and grandchildren's health at risk is completely beyond the pale. He clearly doesn't give a shit about his son, you or his grandkids or he wouldn't be doing this.

He needs to understand that when he has contact with 3 builders, he's also at risk from all the other people that they've been in contact with in the last couple of weeks, and so on. And as they plainly don't give a shit either, that will be a hell of a lot of people. The number of contacts could be massive, and only one of them needs to be infected to pass it on to every subsequent contact.

I hope he does read this, because I'd like him to know that I think he's a complete cunt.

JudyCoolibar · 05/04/2020 09:30

I'm concerned that the reality may be that the mortgage and property are still in PILs' names whilst DH's husband is actually paying it. The fact that they are making alterations to the property despite him asking them not to indicates that they have little regard for his rights.

Has anyone checked whether it is safe to knock this wall down? Is it load bearing?

LakieLady · 05/04/2020 09:31

I also need a tree felling but the Arboricultural Association is telling tree surgeons not to do work

That's interesting. DSS is a tree surgeon and still working. He's also a T1 diabetic and has a lodger who's a paramedic, and wonders why his ex won't allow him to see their daughter...

He works for a local authority, and I'm quite surprised they're letting them carry on tbh. They get called out for emergencies occasionally, like if a tree has blocked a road or something, but they seem to mostly drive round checking for ash dieback and Dutch elm disease.

starrysimon · 05/04/2020 09:32

This pandemic has really shed a light on all the selfish arseholes OP! It seems most of the older generations refuse to follow the guidelines as well.

My DH had a text from MIL yesterday fawning over the fact she got to have a FaceTime with SS (DH doesn’t get one due to BM bitterness but ok, just rub salt in the woundsHmm). Shortly followed by ‘FIL is going back to work next week because he’s going stir crazy’. Fantastic. Just because some arse doesn’t want to sit in their big house with all their food, fags and alcohol we’re probably all going to have to endure this lockdown for longer. He works as a non essential contractor (decorating, gardening etc).

We’re all going ‘stir crazy’. I for one would love to see our 4yo DD for the first time in almost a month but we are distancing as she has been isolating with my mother. Yet FIL can go wondering in and out of random people’s homes? Fucking arse.

Tell yours to stop being a selfish twit and think about his grandchildren. As well as every fucker else in this country that are making incredible and honourable sacrifices! Sorry it makes me very angry🤣

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