Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think we should support him

5 replies

nooilpainting1 · 04/04/2020 23:56

Long story short, my very best friend who I've known since childhood has just confided in me that his whole life has been a lie. He is in an abusive relationship (which I've sadly witnessed episodes of!) and his partner is none the wiser.

So my very best friend, let's call him S, has been telling everyone for years how he's an accountant, working freelance (is that the word? As in for himself). He's done a bit of work for his partner's family, although he assures me it is nothing your average joe couldn't do (ie. he's checked over calculations, given advice on how to save money, signposted them to other accountancy firms etc) so nothing illegal.

S's partner is a horrible man, he constantly bullies S for being 'camp' and belittles him, and I think this is where the lie started, ie. "I am worthy" type of lie. And it spiralled out of control to the point where he had to lie to everybody. I think he wanted his partner's approval, and wanted to feel like he was worth something.

S has now had enough - of the lies, and of the partner. He is currently on my sofa. He is devastated. He has told a few people the truth and they have ostracised him.

Call me crazy but the lies don't bother me, he's never done any work for me (all he's done is on one occasion, tell me my maths was all wrong and advised me to go to a certain debt charity,, which I did). I don't care what his job is and it changes nothing. I understand why he lied although I don't condone it.

Other people however are not so nice, and are saying they can never speak to him or trust him ever again as it's such a whopper of a lie. They are quite charmed by his partner, who has a very good job and is quite well-to-do.

AIBU to think we should be rallying around him?

He just wants to move on and rebuild his life having spent so long with this horrible man.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 05/04/2020 01:27

Your friend obviously needs to leave his partner if he is being abused.

However, this is a massive lie. S must have lied about training, qualifications, what he had been doing every day. And he must have done it for years. Plus, if he's been giving financial advice, he may have landed someone in the shit.

You don't say how long the lies have gone on for, how long has your friend been with his partner?

CoffeeRunner · 05/04/2020 01:32

I don’t think I understand fully.

Has S been advertising himself as a trained Accountant? Taking on fee paying clients as such?

Or has he actually been not working but telling people he works as an Accountant?

The two things are very different.

CoffeeRunner · 05/04/2020 01:33

But, yes, absolutely you should support your friend in leaving his abusive partner.

ViciousJackdaw · 05/04/2020 02:30

He's lucky to have a friend like you. I can understand other people's shock, it does seem like some whoppers were told after all. That's OK. There is plenty of time for self-reflection right now and you already seem to be doing a good job of unpicking his feelings. In time, he will find new friends - friends who like him for who he really is.

When lockdown is lifted, it will be so exciting, like a brand new start for everybody. The perfect time for your friend to embark on a new life.

user1473878824 · 05/04/2020 02:52

Has he been working as an accountant or just telling people he is one? Because he may be in for a lot more than friends not speaking to him if it’s the former.

It would bother me in a okay that’s really weird way, but if there was an explanation of abusive relationship, life was terrible I would probably just think that was awful and get over if. If he had been giving me advice which could potentially fuck up my life I wouldn’t speak to him again to be honest.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page