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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask wether it's unreasonable to feel a little sad?

19 replies

SelfishTwat · 04/04/2020 22:37

It's our 30th wedding anniversary tomorrow. And while I am incredibly happy with my OH, and I know its really just another day, I'm also really, really sad that the day itself has been lost to all that is happening in the world at the moment.

I know it's selfish, given all that people are going through just now, and I know that we can theoretically celebrate another time.. any time.. But I feel like we have lost a precious moment that we can't get back.

Feel free to give me a kicking. I deserve it.

OP posts:
modgepodge · 04/04/2020 22:39

Nope, not UR. I had a similar situation this week. It’s just a day, it doesn’t matter, we are healthy and safe with an income. But I felt sad, and I think that’s ok.

Oceanblueeyes21 · 04/04/2020 22:43

You are not unreasonable, you just feel that your day is lost and the plans you had are not going to happen. Enjoy the day with your hubby watching your wedding videos or looking at pictures. Have a nice meal, even a take away and a bottle of wine. I would maybe organise a family party or get together for another time in 6 months or so when this may be over x

Butteredtoast55 · 04/04/2020 22:45

It's OK to be a bit sad but you are together and safe and that's WAY more important than celebrating a day.

Hooleywhipper · 04/04/2020 22:47

It’s ok I think to feel sad and reflect on the way you would have liked to celebrate it. Congratulations.

Samcro · 04/04/2020 22:48

Yanbu, we were lucky ours was this time last year. My db was this year and i feel for them.
But congratulations

Keeva2017 · 04/04/2020 22:50

No kicking here. It’s a beautiful achievement that you had every right to look forward to. I know you still can in a different way but there’s no pretending that it’s how you imagined.

Congratulations!

helgahelga · 04/04/2020 22:50

Aww you poor thing @SelfishTwat Sad

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY for tomorrow anyway! Flowers

Do you have any kids? Are they grown? Is it just you and DH at home?

user1473878824 · 04/04/2020 22:51

Not unreasonable at all OP. Of course you’re allowed to feel sad! Last week I finished cancelling our wedding and now not sure if we can afford even close to what we want next year, it’s just a day but it’s still making me feel a bit blue. You don’t deserve a kicking at all, and 30 years is amazing! I’m sorry you can’t celebrate properly - could you do a very fancy dinner at home, candles, music, the works? I know it’s not the same at all but I guess it’ll be a memorable one.

Congrats to you and DH!

Stefoscope · 04/04/2020 22:52

Perfectly understandble. Can you get a little creative with what you have at home, a candlelit dinner and a glass of something nice? Make plans on what you'd like to do to celebrate once things are somewhat back to normal.

ButtWormHole · 04/04/2020 22:53

Happy anniversary for tomorrow! 30 years is amazing

NeedToKnow101 · 04/04/2020 22:53

Well it's not really a precious moment that you can't get back is it, as you are spending it together and can create a precious moment.

If you are together, just do something nice at home?! Get dressed up, eat a lovely meal, make a giant poster together of your past and your future, listen to your favourite tunes, have a disco, have sex, take the drugs you had hidden and forgotten about, go for a 6am walk, play poker, play twister, do a crossword, a jigsaw, have an online party, write a poem for each other or make something nice. I don't know, it's not like you're ever going to forget it is it? Oh and happy anniversary btw.

JaceLancs · 04/04/2020 22:55

I completely understand
It’s my birthday tomorrow
I’m alive and loved but feel underwhelmed
It would normally be a celebration - weekend away - presents - meal with nearest and dearest
I’ll feel lucky with a Skype call and some e cards
What I really want is a big hug xxxx

HollowTalk · 04/04/2020 22:55

Can you plan for your future party? Music, food, drink, guests, who not to invite...

RufustheLanglovingreindeer · 04/04/2020 22:56

Of course its not unreasonable

We have our 30th later this year...although this lockdown could end all that Grin

But as others have said try and have a nice meal and a special evening and do something bigger if you want to a little later on

All sorts of things are being cancelled...its ok to feel sad

CoodleMoodle · 04/04/2020 23:04

Completely understand, OP. It's our anniversary next week (only 8 years, but 14 together) as well, and we don't normally do much but it's still depressing.

Plus we have 6 birthdays over the next two months (me, best friend, DH, MIL, DM and my Godfather) and all of them will pass by with no celebration at all, really. We're all adults and birthdays aren't so important, but I'm still sad I won't get to see my Mum on my birthday, or on hers - in my (almost) 31 years I've never not seen her on either of those days. I imagine we'll both have a little cry.

Plus, DD(6) is concerned about our cake and presents! Thankfully she had her birthday just before it all kicked off, and DS' 2nd birthday is in the summer, so we might be able to do something for him.

Congrats, OP. I hope you and DH have as nice a day as you can Flowers

ForestYeti · 04/04/2020 23:08

Happy anniversary 🥂 and no it isn’t sad, it’s my parents 50th in June and I’m sad that I may not be able to make a biggish thing of it for them with a special cake etc

bridgetreilly · 04/04/2020 23:14

You haven't really lost it, though. It's still your anniversary. You can still mark that and celebrate it together. Don't let the virus take that away from you.

SewItGoes · 04/04/2020 23:17

You're keeping it in perspective, and there's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed about things not working out the way you hoped they would.

HotCrossBungle · 04/04/2020 23:28

My parents had their 50th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Both in their 70s so seeing no-one, going nowhere.

My dad has had some health problems over the last couple of years but would definitely have taken my mum out 'for a nice meal' if this hadn't of been happening. He got a bit choked up on the phone (very very unusual, he's not a man to show his emotions) and I really felt for him (them) and I thought, at least you've got each other and said this to him. He said, that's true, some people aren't so lucky.

They had a nice dinner at home with a bottle of champagne (which I arranged very last minute, thank you Fortnum & Mason!). They had each other.

Yes, it's a real shame that you can't celebrate properly on the big day. Make the most of what you have at home, make it a special albeit different kind of celebration. Get the photo albums out, have a picnic in your garden/on your living room floor, dance to some of your favourite songs, make plans for next year/your celebration when we're out of lock down, talk to family/friends. It could be your best anniversary ever!

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