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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder V Grandparents

35 replies

Buffy81 · 04/04/2020 18:12

AIBU to think that my own children should be able to go to their grandparents rather than a chilminder?

For some background information, both my DH and I are keyworkers. I have 2 lbs, one who is 5 1/2 and the other who is 14months.

The youngest ones nursery has had to shut as they were not able to get enough keyworker/sen children to make it worth while so I have had to rush around looking for a childminder. The childminder has also agreed to have my eldest as the school has not had enough demand to warrent being open over the Easter Holidays

Why is ok for me to do this and not have help from grandparents. For context, they are not over 70 and not in any of the high risk categories either.

I understand about the social distancing and mixing of households, but am I not doing that already by them going to a complete stranger as we are not able to do any of the settling in visits as it has all been arranged this week

Dose anybody else think its crazy or is it just me?

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 04/04/2020 18:22

I don't think there's any BU about any of this - it's all unchartered waters. None of us has any answers or solutions - everyone who is a key worker is having a shitty time of it trying to stay safe, protect their families and continue working.

I wouldn't ask my parents to have my DC if in that position simply because of their ages (70's), but if it works for you I don't know what else you can do. Flowers

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 04/04/2020 18:28

We're in exactly this position OP, nursery closed down and actually in our area no childminder either, my mother is in her fifties and in very good health, she's been furloughed, she's not allowed to look after my son but is allowed to volunteer for goodsam delivering things for hospitals and doing people's grocery shopping, meanwhile DH and I are doing opposite shifts, barely sleeping, working from home on some days doing paperwork with a fifteen month old and the nature of the work means it's very mentally draining and it is crucial the paperwork side of things is completely accurate, we are both frontline key workers. We're exhausted I don't think we can keep doing this all summer.

bridgetreilly · 04/04/2020 18:52

I think it's fine for your parents to effectively be their childminder in these circumstances.

Sometimeswinning · 04/04/2020 20:10

The whole point of this is to relieve the pressure on people using the nhs. 1 childminder to 6 children or perhaps 12 gps for every 1 child. That's the point. (A made up ratio obviously) You could also argue thats an extra chance of being infected with a mix of families. No one has the answer.

crosstalk · 04/04/2020 22:26

Can you not contact the people in your firm or NHS Trust and ask? If your GPs are observing the social distancing at shops and outside, and they're happy to run the risk depending on you and your DPs job, then it seems ludicrous you can't use them. It's not an exact science - if schools or nurseries are open the children of frontline staff, one a doctor, one a careworker and another working in a supermarket - then cross infection is likely to happen anywhere.

Elpheba · 04/04/2020 22:30

From what I understand that is “allowed”- you’re a keyworker and need childcare and they aren’t in a a vulnerable group.
I would argue it’s less risk them going to your parents than to a CM and mixing with other families etc. I think it’s only when grandparents are 70+ that BoJo was saying you shouldn’t see them at all let alone use for childcare.

jdisjj · 04/04/2020 22:35

We are in exactly the same position. Both frontline workers and need childcare.

I have two options

  1. hire childminder (used to be our childminder before so we know her)- a mid fifties lady as far as I know fit and well
  2. use MIL a mid fifties lady who is fit and well

According to govt advice I have to hire a childminder instead of letting her go to her Dnan.

I can't quite get my head around it, so following this thread with interest.

Original poster
Buffy81 · 05/04/2020 07:59

@jdisjj I dont and neither does my mum
She said to me yesterday what will I do if this childminder has to shuts or gets it. Said to her that I don't know. She replied back saying that she will have them and I have already told that to dad dont care if I get into trouble

OP posts:
Original poster
Buffy81 · 05/04/2020 08:01

@Elpheba if that is the case with grandparents, then its not clear at all

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 05/04/2020 08:05

It is allowed. I provide childcare for my keyworker DD. I travel on public transport to do this.

I've been recording every Coronavirus update and this was asked in the 'questions and answers' section.

It's vulnerable grandparents that should not be used.

Curlysusie · 05/04/2020 08:08

It's interesting isn't it you're made to feel it's wrong but as you say there's little difference but many advantages to using gp.

We have a similar situation, have managed so far but we would have to send 4yo to school and 2yo to nursery or can go 2 days to be with my friend and I have her 2yo (who would also have to go to nursery) on the other days reducing who the little ones see much more than sending them in but i now feel we would be doing something wrong even though it would be less risk and more comforting to all of us.

Good luck and let's hope it's all over soon xx

Ponoka7 · 05/04/2020 08:08

The 'mixing of households' was to stop the meet ups for Sunday dinner and bbqs, or all the cousins in a family playing together.

It was said that the same rules apply as though you are using the school provision. Isolate except for work/only absolutely essential shopping and childcare.

CaryStoppins · 05/04/2020 08:11

If you’re a key worker and need childcare and you and your parents are willing to take the risk then I think it’s allowed. Could your parents stay with you for the duration?

SarahMused · 05/04/2020 08:19

There is nothing in government advice that says that grandparents under 70 can’t look after their grandchildren if their parents are key workers. If you are a health worker, police officer or teacher it is more important for society that you are able to work and for this to happen parents need childcare. I am doing this for my son and DIL who are both key workers.

Poppinjay · 05/04/2020 08:59

she's not allowed to look after my son

Please could you share where you found this rule?

DaisyChainsForever · 05/04/2020 09:03

I'm in a similar situation, both key workers, working a 24/7 shift pattern. One set of grandparents are self isolating and the other doesn't want to help in case she catches something from our child. I have struggled to find any actual concrete guidance about grandparents. Surely a 'young and healthy' grandparent is the same as a childminder in this situation. If anyone has links to any guidance I'd love to read it.

jdisjj · 05/04/2020 15:18

This is encouraging- everything I've read everywhere was a blanket 'no' for grandparents. Does anyone have a link to anything substantive/policy on this at all?

Original poster
Buffy81 · 05/04/2020 16:09

I would love to see a link as well. I just wish it was clear on what we could and couldn't do with childcare.

Feels like you cant do right for doing wrong. Am also glad to see that I am not the only one in this position

OP posts:
JesmondDene · 05/04/2020 16:16

Some LA's are also putting in LA run Early Years hubs, just for KW families, 7 days per week including Easter - though I don't see that using these is any safer than using your 'young' parents.
Do you have a website for EY/LA locally - perhaps a central email/phone number

Doggybiccys · 05/04/2020 16:19

@jdisjj - everything I've read everywhere was a blanket 'no' for grandparents. Does anyone have a link to anything substantive/policy on this at all?

This is part of the problem - massive stereotyping about “grandparents” - the nuclear family with two parents who waited until a “respectable” age to have children as did their own parents therefore parents must be late 30s to early 40s and GPS 70s up. There are plenty of GPs in their 40s and 50s!!

CaryStoppins · 05/04/2020 16:22

Where have you read that it was a blanket no? Was it something from the government?

jdisjj · 05/04/2020 16:30

I'm paraphrasing but they said children should not be left with grandparents for childcare.

Lightofthephoenix · 05/04/2020 16:42

Ponoka7

It is allowed. I provide childcare for my keyworker DD. I travel on public transport to do this

I've been recording every Coronavirus update and this was asked in the 'questions and answers' section

It's vulnerable grandparents that should not be used

Reposting incase it was missed further up

Winter2020 · 05/04/2020 16:47

If grandparents are low risk (to me healthy and under 60) and are happy to have the kids then go for it.

MintyMabel · 05/04/2020 16:57

I think there has been misinformation, not helped by Boris’ “grandparents shouldn’t be minding children” I think in his mind grandparents are over 75.

If my parents weren’t in the vulnerable group and I needed childcare, I wouldn’t hesitate in asking them if I were a key worker. What else are you supposed to do if there is no alternative?