About ex and contact during lockdown

[sockonmyhead]

There’s a lot of backstory but to keep things simple, AIBU to expect ex to be ok with some changes to contact during lockdown?

He wants to keep his usual contact days, which would involve him collecting the children Wednesday evening to drop them back Thursday morning, then collecting them Thursday evening and dropping them back Friday morning. He would also have them every other weekend. As we are supposed to be limiting journeys I suggested he have then every weekend instead for the next few weeks. He doesn’t want to do this as apparently he needs his downtime.

Are you happy to keep them throughout lockdown? I think I’d tell him it’s that or every weekend. He signed up to being a parent, he can’t just pick and choose when he wants to be a dad and your idea involves less travel and less risk of contact with the virus.

I initially suggested I keep them for all of lockdown, only to be told I was overreacting. Ex then decided he should self isolate for two weeks, just to be safe even though he had no symptoms so they’ve been with me for two weeks now. I’ve also suggested he has them every other weekend but he is still saying he wants normal days.

Do you have a court order?

No, contact is just what we agreed between us, no court involved so far

You're right. And you need "your downtime" too. If he is at home through this he should be able to have them for say 2 days one week and 4 the next consecutively. Make it clear its either that or they remain with you. I've had enough of reading posts where one parent is removing and controlling all the contact with the other parent. That's not what you're trying to do OP - what you are trying to do is an excellent compromise and in your childrens best interests and its shocking your ex can't see this too.

I can't see the problem with your ex wanting to stick with your agreement. The Govt have said it is fine for children to swap between their parents' homes.

My issue is that we’ve been told no non essential journeys and to limit travel as much as possible. If he was keeping them during the day I wouldn’t object but they have to come back to me. I accept that it’s probably not a big risk but why put them at any more risk at all and go against guidance just because it’s more convenient for him?

Google ‘family court guidance coronavirus’ and you can see what’s being officially suggested. I think trying to gather little bits of contact into a single period is very sensible at the moment. How old are your DC?

Thanks I’ll have a look. They’re 15,13 and 11.

Is he proposing they come back to you during the day because he has to work away from home? If that is the case, I would just stick to one weeknight rather than two and every other weekend as it doesn't make sense to go backwards and forwards so much. I think it's fair enough for him to have a weekend to himself if he's working.

He is allowed to see his children as normal as per the gov guidelines, YABU to restrict access for no reason.

Hi is working from home, they come back to me primarily because my youngest has special needs and can’t be left without supervision while ex works.

I’m not trying to restrict access at all, I’m trying to enable access in a way that’s safe and complied with guidelines on limiting travel.

Child contact is allowed to continue as normal. YABU.

Thank you for the replies. I don’t agree that child contact should be carrying on totally unaffected by all that’s going on, I think there should be some flexibility, but it’s interesting to see that others have a different take. Guidelines seem to conflict a bit on this I think.

OP I think you're being completely sensible trying to limit journeys. It's a shame everyone isn't doing the same and insisting that contact carries on as normal. We are not living in 'normal.' Do what is right for you.

If your ex is working from home I can’t see the problem with it sticking to how it is.

I understand that we are supposed to limit journeys, but unless you live especially far apart, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Keeping some form of normality for children is important too, especially when it comes to them seeing their parents.

Either he has the children for a chunk of time, accepting he will have to work with the children there like thousands of parents are doing or go without.

No order so what you say ultimately goes.