to expect dh to sort dd2 out in the morning when he has already chosen to be up for about an hour?

[Toots]

He's an early riser. He's mostly snoring on the sofa by 9pm and up at 5am or earlier. He works on the pc and when dd2 gets up between 5.45 and 6.45 he gives her some milk, puts the telly on and goes back to the computer.

I am supposed to get up with her twice a week. I don't want to. I'm not an early riser. I do pretty much all the bedtimes, school runs, shopping and cooking for the kids, plus I work four days (self-employed at home and not exactly frantic at the moment, but never the less....) Am also project managing building work which is going on in the house.
Whenever I ask him to do more to help he threatens me with getting up with dd2 which I confess puts the fear of god into me. So...Am I B U?

Oh lord, don't tell me I a b u....

I guess it depends on what he is doing on the computer once your DD2 is up?

Is he working?

Actually thinking about it - it wouldn't take long to wash and dress her would it, and then he could go back to work

Y A N B U

What time do you get up?

yanbu

dh is just the same and it really winds me up he will get up on a weekend and just sit for a couple of hours and when i come dow niether child will be dressed all the washing up vacing etc will be left no laundry would get done if it wasn't for me and he just leaves his dirty clothes all over i think he must think i'm his mum

he finished early yesterday and was at home from dinner time i had to go to work the ouse was tidy when i left when i came home there was a massive pile of washing up the room was a tip he hadn't cut the grass (why should he when i will) hadn't bathed the kids becuase he didn't know they needed one (is he stupid) it really winds me up

sory feel much better now and no you are not being unreasonable they are his kids too and he should spend some times looking after them too

"Whenever I ask him to do more to help he threatens me with getting up with dd2 which I confess puts the fear of god into me."

I am probably being very thick here but I just don't understand that sentence, please help!! What is it he threatens to do?

What do you mean by sort her out? Are you wanting him to give her breakfast and get her dressed while you sleep in?

Are you objecting to having to get up 2 mornings a week with her?

Hell.. i wish i only had to get up 2 mornings a week....

if it's one of the two days you have agreed to do it then yes. just reorganise the schedule and point out how much you do when he's asleep or out working and see if he'll agree to just do every morning as he's up anyway.

hmmmmm i'm not sure. if he's working then its a little unfair that you get to sleep in. i mean it probably takes about 45 mins for me to give ds his milk, breakfast, wash and dress him - longer if he needs a bath. can he stop working for that long? also dd can't be getting much attention if you are in bed and dh is at his pc working away.

If he is working at the PC, YABU. It works out for many many families that one parent does the lion's share but still has to get up in the morning! I do sympathise because getting up at silly o'clock is something I have done with ds for five years now and it HURTS. But many of us just have to do it, regardless of whether we put them to bed as well!

However if he is PLAYING at the PC then that's a different matter, he should of course deal with his daughter instead.

DH and I religiously keep to one long lie in each at the weekend and that just about keeps me the right side of physical collapse

What Honoria said - is he working or playing? Makes all the difference. If he's working then, soory but YABU

Sympathy though - dh does all the early mornings as he 'likes' mornings, and I am not a morning person. He wakes me up at 7 before he leaves for work - nearly always with both of them dressed and ready for breakie [smug]

funnypeculiar don't tell me that,please. I don't want to hear it.

I mean he threatens me with having to do my two mornings. I wasn't clear that generally Itry to get out of doing it at all. Is that bad? I don't sleep fantastically well and am hopeless loony when short of sleep and one sure way of having a bad night is if I think I might have to get up v early. I am aware that some people will think I'm a lucky bugger to have five mornings when I might just get to sleep 'til seven though...

It's just I can't see the point in me getting up as well when she's perfectly happy pootling and watching cbeebies. And he has had his full requirement of sleep.

I don't actually expect her to be washed/dressed breakfasted at that point. In fact sometimes he does in fact do 2 out of 3 of those. But I am the sorter and getter out in the mornings for DD1,6 and DD2, 3.

No she's not getting a great deal of attention, nappyaddict that's true. Although am up at 7.

Come on, don't hold back. He definately thinks I'm BU. And I suppose not very deep down I know that if I could make myself do my two mornings, I'd have much more leveridge (sp?) when it came to negotiating extra stuff for him to do.

BUT.... is there anyone who thinks bedtimes with a 6 and 3 year old are harder than wake ups? I'm on my own for that 5/6 nights out of seven.

I cannot see any reason why you should have to get up with her if he is already up. Why? Unless he needs to work on the computer at 5am?

hve not time to read any of the other responses as my taxi to the airport will be here very soon

YANBU... if he's up anyway why not take care of dd2? you can always do a comparative list you know... his showing 'gets up early voluntarily, gives milk to dd2' and the yours 'gets dd2 ready, school runs, shopping, cooking, chores, work, bedtime' hmmm yours seems already longer ;) So next time he threatens you with 'getting up early' tell him 'fair enough but then we swap chores all together' bet you that'll put up the fear of god into him!

Oh and tell him some husbands (and yes I knwo I'm very lucky) actually let their wife go away for 2 weeks on a holiday and take leave to look after dd 5.8 and ds 3...

Funnypeculiar that sounds verrrrry good. DH 'likes mornings' too. He is choosing to get up at that time. It's a mixture of playing and working. He chooses to do projects that are seperate to his job, that pay a tiny bit. That's work really, isn't it?

God, Mrs BigD have a brilliant time. Think I have tried that comparing chores thing before and his argument is that it's not physically possible for him to do lots of things on my list because he has to be at work and meetings out of normal work hours.
My argument is that it's not physically possible for me to get up before 7am!

hmm, well I suppose it is working toots, however if it's only paying a tiny bit then maybe you could talk with him about stopping it for now.

If you do all the rest of the childcare including bedtimes, maybe you could say to him that for now, while dd is young, you'd like him to prioritise HER rather than these odd jobs in the morning. If he doesn't do school runs, meals or bedtime with them then it's a good bit of time for him and dd to be together. That's important too (and it would get you a lie-in)

God that's good Honoria. Think I'm on a sticky wicket though as this extra curricular stuff is very much his creative outlet.

is it necessary for him to do these projects at 5am or could he do them at other times?

yes, but toots when you choose to have a family there are sacrifices involved - I used to have creative outlets, then I became a mother!

Seriously, you just can't do it all and give your kids the attention they deserve. Since you're doing bedtime, maybe the early evening could be his time for his creative outlets, and the early morning his time to be a dad to his dd!

Hm, well, if he is up anyway, then I really think that YANBU to expect him to sort your dd2 out....! I know my dh would do, and has done if he is awake before me...

Would I be unreasonable if I call him an arse?

only joking here!

I'm outraged!