Grandmother insisting she is coming to visit next month

[Sendhelppls]

I know I’m not BU. Just a rant I guess. DH and I live with our two year old and we have another due end of may. DHs grandmother lives in isle of man and has booked a ferry over for two weeks before I’m due (months ago before this virus was a big thing). We speak on the phone regularly and DH asked what her plans were and are ferries still running etc obviously expecting her to say she wasn’t going to risk coming now (she’s in her 70s and has a bad chest).

Grandmother replies “of course I’m still coming, I’ll be over just before 2girls is due so I can see you and meet the baby as soon as he’s born”.

I’m fuming. I’m going to be up front here - I tolerate DH grandmother and make an effort to get on with her but she’s too invasive for my liking - she will invite herself to our home, while she’s here she will do things like go through our dirty laundry and start washing it (like I don’t do it all year round 🙄), go through my DDs wardrobe to see what clothes she’s currently wearing, when DD was a baby and still in our room she would burst in in the morning as soon as DD woke to take her downstairs, things like that.

I feel like this is too far - we did not invite her (she stays with another family member for a couple of months and so we can’t stop her coming anyway, but she has invited herself to stay with us mid to end of may) and I don’t actually want her here when I’m 38 weeks/have just given birth. She tried to take over with DD when she was born - “just give her cows milk already” (3 months Old), “im going to give her a cup of tea” (8 weeks), have her a biscuit at 10 weeks etc etc. I’m planning to breast feed and 100% bond with my baby this time without watching eyes and unhealthy opinions.

But also, does she think it’s okay to mix with lots of people on the journey here (she gets a coach and goes via ferry) then come to my home possibly carrying virus germs where she will be wanting to kiss all over my daughter and newborn?

I seriously despair at this woman.

Just no. I doubt she'd be able to travel anyway so it's a non iissue.

Erm, just don’t open the door?

If your husband wants to see his mother and spend time with her then he does it outside of and away from your home. If she lives in the Isle of Man how does she just “drop in” and “invite” herself so much anyway? Surely a ferry trip is enough warning to put a plan into action although I would just be blunt and if she tells you she is intending on coming round, tell her no and that the door will not be opened on her arrival if she makes the journey.

Your husbands Grandmother, forgot to edit before posting

My God OP, your DH’s grandmother sounds like a bloody nightmare. All the rifling through your wardrobes and barging into your bedroom stuff! I’d go nuts. I’d be very bloody wary too that she wasn’t very well aware of the no return travel policy (how could she not be, living in the island?) and wasn’t planning on spending the rest of the lockdown period locked down with you!!

Ffs

Hello everyone - I’ve told DH that she won’t be stepping foot in the house whether she comes here or not - it wouldn’t be a wasted journey as she’s staying with another family member while she’s here anyway (if she manages to travel to begin with). DH will have to relay the message. I’m not being imposed on again virus or not but the virus makes it an absolute no anyway.

Yes she is a nightmare, the woman doesn’t ever sit down. There’s still things in my house that I can’t find from last time she was here a year ago as she’s “organised” them!

Good. Make sure he does this.

Furthermore, in future when this crisis has passed I would refuse to have her in your home unless it is made crystal clear to her that she absolutely cannot rearrange anything in your home without your express permission.

If your DH won't tell her, tell her yourself.

Your dp sounds like a nightmare, why isn't he taking control of the situation and giving you all the stress and responsibility?

Well done OP @Sendhelppls

Very good OP, make sure you stand your ground

DH has spoken to her again today and said sorry but it’s not a good idea that she visits as we are trying to keep safe from the virus and it’s very dangerous if I have it and then give birth. She actually replied “but I want to see the baby as soon as he’s born”. DH has insisted that she stays away so that’s good. She finally settled on “make sure you call me as soon as he’s born”. I won’t be calling her 10 seconds after giving birth, no.

I don't understand the stupidity of some people. Has she not been listening to the news?

She would be in a 12 week shielding group herself, never mind the risk to you and the baby.

What does non essential travel mean to her?

As for reorganising things in your house.....just why do you accept this nonsense without putting her in her place. It's absolutely disrespectful of her.

She won't be going anywhere. She won't be allowed. Don't even give it head space. It will be out of her hands.