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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DD 11 to try new things in lockdown

20 replies

merrygoround51 · 03/04/2020 07:22

My DD11 is quite an easy child, all schoolwork done perfectly, quiet etc. However she is very ‘stuck in her ways’

Normally she plays quite a lot of tennis but obvs that’s gone.
She refuses (or only will after an argument) to do any baking, art, board games etc and just wants to read or trampoline, should I force the issue or leave her. Her sister is doing creative writing projects, art etc

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 03/04/2020 07:23

It’s an unsettling time - it might be that she feels safer doing things she already knows.

WtfIsThisEven · 03/04/2020 07:24

What will forcing her to do these things achieve, besides making her have a bad time?

By 11, surely she knows if she likes baking, art and board games or not. Hmm

Leave her alone.

Elsa8 · 03/04/2020 07:25

Reading and trampolining sounds good to me, I’d let her crack on!

Selfsettling3 · 03/04/2020 07:27

How would you feel if someone was telling you that you must do things that you don’t enjoy right now?

Cyberworrier · 03/04/2020 07:28

Reading is hardly a bad activity for a child to be doing most of the day! Maybe you could encourage her to keep a book journal. And instead of baking, ask for help preparing meals? Then it’s not a random activity but helping out/taking some responsibility?

LaStreng · 03/04/2020 07:28

Honestly leave her to it. It's a stressful time and she's allowed to dislike those things or want to do more familiar things at this time of uncertainty. And don't compare her to her sibling in front of her. It'll cause issues.

Canyousewcushions · 03/04/2020 07:31

I'd leave her to it and bring your other ideas out if she gets bored- there could be months of this so she might find she wants some variety once the novelty of being free from school has worn off.

motortroll · 03/04/2020 07:33

I get what people are saying but I also agree with you. It's an opportunity!

Instead of talking about trying new things just talk about being together and making the most of the time. Maybe get on the trampoline with her, or ask her to do a bake off with you. My kids (11 and 13) are similar but if we make a competition or make a fool of ourselves they usually join in!

My 13 year old had a really down day the other day and I practically had to force her to FaceTime her friends (she has mild social anxiety and hates conversations that aren't "natural" she likes people to contact her. Her guide unit had a zoom meeting last week and she hated it) when she did get over herself she was FaceTiming for 5 hours....a little excessive lol but the point is as her mother I knew what was best for her on this occasion as she was absolutely buzzing last night!

I think just keep encouraging her to engage WITH you. Make the most of being together.

Original poster
merrygoround51 · 03/04/2020 07:41

Thanks for all the replies, good points. It’s a tough time and I suppose if she is doing no harm best leave her

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 03/04/2020 07:54

My 11 yo is great doing her school work. Apart from that, it’s trampoline or FaceTiming her friends. She hates reading and is doing 20 mins under duress. I’m leaving her to it. This is a difficult time. Dh has taken her out on her bike or with the dogs some days. She gets massively stressed walking them off lead, therefore she doesn’t go if it’s to fields etc.

RedRed9 · 03/04/2020 07:57

Are you also trying to get her sister to read and trampoline more or is it only one of your daughters who needs to expand their hobbies?

LakieLady · 03/04/2020 08:02

Reading's fine, OP. All the smartest people I know are voracious readers, you pick up so much, even just reading novels.

And trampolining means she's at least getting some exercise.

It's a very unsettling for everyone, but especially for kids. I wouldn't be inclined to try and get a child to try new things if they seemed inclined to stick with what they feel safe and comfortable with.

Mrsjayy · 03/04/2020 08:06

Don't force her out ofher comfort zone as pp have said she has set herself a routine just leave her you can keep offering of course but don't be annoyed or upset when she refuses we are all just scraping by, children are doing the same.

user1493413286 · 03/04/2020 08:13

I’d leave her; I know a lot of adults are talking about trying new things in all this but it’s the last thing I want to do in uncertain times

Original poster
merrygoround51 · 03/04/2020 08:45

@RedRed9 yes I am trying to get her sister to read more. I suppose she is a bit more malleable and interested in trying new things. Thanks for the advice all, it does seem best to just leave her at whatever makes her happy

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/04/2020 08:48

Give the chances but don’t force it. The more you force it the more likely she is to hate it just to prove a point.

At this point in time the most important thing is keeping everyone calm and happy. Don’t make battles

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 03/04/2020 08:56

Leave her be. She'll come to you when she wants to try something new. But reading and trampolining sound excellent ways to be entertained so I really wouldn't worry

FabbyChix · 03/04/2020 09:11

God how controlling are you. At her age she knows her likes and dislikes and is too old to be forced to do anything you can ask and suggest but to demand is unreasonable

CeibaTree · 03/04/2020 09:28

Spending lockdown reading and trampolining sounds like heaven to me! Just let her get on with it :)

JudyGemstone · 03/04/2020 09:52

God I wish my teens would read! Let her crack on I say

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