to ask you how to help my "snowflake" friend

[allthatglittersisplastic]

My best friend was recently described as a "snowflake" by her mums friends and was upset. They said she was a snowflake because she is mid 20s with no job and living with her parents and young sisters.

I didn't know what to say. I want my friend to feel empowered and I thought her mums friends overstepped the mark, but everything they said was true. I know alot of people on here would find this very unimpressive. My friend has trained for three years to be an actress, and another year training learning pottery. She spent the past two years doing the odd baby sitting job that just about pays for her car.

I feel so sad for her that she's not fulfilling her potential. She is so sweet and kind and I love her to pieces but she's so broken down, living at home she's treated like her much younger siblings, and theres lots of screaming, chores, 'go to your room'. So far from where you want to be at 24. She has held down jobs in the past for short spurts but it sets her anxiety off so badly she would come home crying every night. She doesn't do well interacting with other people.

She's very creative and can work well from home on a laptop should an opportunity arise. I don't think she would be a good teacher, but are there other creative jobs online anyone can think of?

I want to be a supportive friend and I have tried so many times to help her. I don't think it will be too long before her mum kicks her out, so I want to inspire her before that point.

She needs a hand hold to get to that next stage in life. Its not my responsibility but I am glad to do it. I realise I am her only friend and the only one willing to be that person. I am not looking for anyone to insult me or my friend, I am politely asking for suggestions of how I can help her move on from this stage in life.

She does sound like a stereotypical snowflake, unfortunately - not surprising that there are so many of them around, you only have to look at this posts on this thread leaping to the conclusion that there must be something diagnosably wrong with her rather than her just being a bit hopeless and having parents who have supported her financially through six years of fannying around and continue to do so - I'm not surprised they get exasperated and talk to her like a child.

Anyway, you don't say what your situation is but could you support her to make single friends her own age with a view to moving into a houseshare? Lots of people don't have their shit together at 24 - she might gain confidence having a lower status job and doing well at it (if she's been to drama school she'd probably be great in a low-pressure customer-facing role, and/or it sounds like she's also suited to childcare and has experience) while living independently and having fun.

@statementKnickers I am not leaping to conclusions, I am simply saying, based on my own experience, that it is worth considering that there may be something specific going on, other than just being apparently ‘flakey’, ‘lazy’ etc. If OP wants to help her friend it’s worth keeping an open mind and if the practical solutions don’t work and she simply can’t respond to pressure or support and get her act together then what? Just decide she’s a it hopeless and leave it there? I’m just presenting an alternative consideration that was true for me after 40 years of being told I was lazy and stupid, chaotic and a quitter. Once I was diagnosed and had medication the change in my life was so profound I find it hard not to mention it as a possibility, just that, a possibility.

She needs a job, anything, enough to pay rent somewhere and move out!

If she's an actress, she should have the skills to "become someone else" shouldn't she.
She should be equipped to "put on her mask" in any job.

You can make suggestions but only she can make changes. Chopping and changing directions without a clear strategy is not helping her. She may be creative but jobs in that area are few and far between. Does she have any formal qualifications? Her first priority is financial independence and then a home of her own. With the best will in the world pottery is not going to give her that. She needs to get real an start applying for jobs she is qualified to do. She has redeeming qualities obviously but sounds like she lacks confidence and drive and no one can give her that. All you can do is support and encourage. Starting with her finding paid work.

Agree a job with accommodation sounds like a good idea but I think boarding schools expect their matrons to be qualified nurses.

No good at the moment, but working in a hotel might be a good option, or any job dealing with the public really. If she wants to act surely she needs to work on improving her ability to interact with others?

Working in a supermarket could be a first step. I'm sure it's not what she wants to do, but it would get her an income and then she would find it easier to move out.

Again once things are back to normal, how about volunteering as a first step eg in a care home. Could she put on a one-woman show? Do a pottery workshop? Or just talk to residents?

Thank you for all your suggestions. Her anxiety is the biggest hurdle in her getting the next job. I know I cant instill drive in her but I can hopefully inspire her.

@StatementKnickers

Does anyone have any unfortunately we live in different countries and I don't know anyone in her area. I have suggested she get out and about over the years to no avail, I think it can be a bit condescending to tell someone with depression to just go out and make friends. She is very lovable though, I cam imagine lots of people would want to be her friend if she met the right crowd. I have suggested she move here to be close to me, but the European city I live in is very expensive, and I live with a long term partner and soon to be fiance. I can't imagine he would want to live with my friend.

I'm very grateful for everyones suggestions and sharing their own stories and I think I will help her form a plan and a strategy.