To be between a rock and a hard place and find it heartbreaking

[mothertobam]

Just under a month ago I rehomed my two cats with a grandparent, we moved house to a new place that doesnt allow pets and DP isnt a fan of them particularly as our first baby is due in a couple of months and he doesnt want them around the baby.
I found the rehoming very heartbreaking, I struggled with the separation and still think about them every day now. The only thing that gave me a bit of peace was the thought that they would be keeping my GD company and enjoy his big house and big garden.
My GD has just told me he is now struggling with the oldest in particular. I had her from 5 weeks, we had a very close bond with it just being me and her at one point before cat2 and DP came along. I was worried she may take a couple of days longer to adapt than cat2 who is very outgoing and adaptable to any surroundings but it appears even weeks later she is struggling to settle.
The other problem GD is struggling with is the fact she doesnt use a litter tray, she was trained as a kitten but after becoming ill wouldnt use one. She would go outside in our old house and only had the occasional accident if she couldnt be let out fast enough. As she is too timid to go out at the moment GD is having to deal with daily accidents on his carpets which isnt ideal or fair at his age.
I think he wants to give her back but is too afraid to let me down to tell me, i know it's unfair to leave her with GD and being as my pet she is ultimately my responsibility and I would contact the landlord to explain the circumstances and ask if she can come back to live with me.
The problem is DP doesnt like her at all, he point blank refuses to have her in the new house. The old house was small so we were under each others feet and her accidents and general feline behaviours (scratching sofa, carpets, excess fur, occasional fleas etc) drove him mad. He was happy when they had gone, particularly her and believes a pet free house is safer/ more hygienic for our new baby.
He is happy to wash his hands completely but I worry that giving her to cats protection when she is already so unsettled in a new environment will not only be very distressing but is also cruel.
I am keen to get your thoughts on what you would do to get the best outcome, if there even is one?

I would get her rehomed, it’s really not fair on your grandad to have to keep cleaning up after her and I wouldn’t want cat wee on the carpets if I had a baby either.

Rehome her. But beware any ideas in controlling tendencies from DP. I'm uneasy that you sent them away because he insisted

Increase, not ideas.

I’d be rehoming the DPnot the cat!

beware any ideas in controlling tendencies from DP.

Seriously?! Man hating MN at its best? Just because he didn't like a cat living with him and their soon to be newborn that shits and pisses on the carpets......yeah sounds like a right abusive bastard to me. Have a word with yourself

OP - You shouldn't have moved somewhere that didn't take pets. It's not fair on your GD. The cat deserves be to removed where it can do its business outside

DP calls the shots then clearly?! He sounds awful. You just need to do what's best for the poor cat not anyone else. Agree that you need to watch DP and his controlling ways.

Does dp know a baby will be noisey and messy??
Agree rehome.
Nobody needs a controlling dp...

I'd bring her home. Or at least discuss it with your landlord.
Plenty of children grow up with cats, and that includes cats that sometimes have accidents, are poorly, all sorts. The accidents will only be a problem until the cat can go out again, and the baby probably won't even be born then, and tbh accidents are only really an issue in the stage between crawling, and being responsive enough to what you say to avoid it - and half the time you'll be cleaning up your baby's bodily fluids too (accidents, potty training etc). So just be vigilant with it as best as you can, but no reason why you can't have your cat.

I wouldn’t want a cat that can’t use the litter tray with my newborn either. Rehome the oldest cat and maybe your DH might be okay with letting you keep the other one

Ignore - wrong thread ^^^^

I couldn't have stayed with someone who didn't like my cat(s) and certainly wouldn't have moved to a house that didn't allow them.

I had an older cat by the time our children were born and although she was litter trained she started having accidents as she was old. It was never a problem even with a toddler. She generally avoided the children as they were noisy and unpredictable.

Rehome the cat, OP. It’s not fair on your grandad, and I agree with your DP that it’s not hygienic for a baby to be around cat shit.

Should be easy enough to rehome - just put an advert of your DH on tinder.

Or, could you agree for the cat to have a little bit of the house to herself?

Afraid I would have told dp to do one, and also not moved somewhere that didn’t accept cats. You had the cat before him, you came as a package. Lots of families have babies and animals

Personally I would be taking the cat back,

Very sad situation.
It is unlikely though that a No Pets rule in your new house would be over turned . Cats (and I say this as a cat owner) do bloody wreck things .
Our carpet has been mangled since ours moved in. (Carpet was old so we expected damage )

We had a cat when my DS was born and even if you love the bones of them the worry is there . The hair , the pawprints (yes the go everywhere) and the jealousy in many cases .
Add in a DP who won't even consider making it work.
Your cat would find another move tough.

A cat that soils indoors is hard work. Unless you can find a tray she'll use . Ours have a huge covered tray which gives them privacy .
It would probably mean more work for your GD spot cleaning but easier than picking off the carpet.
It may be kindest all round to rehome them both if they are bonded together . Not easy to find a good home I know .

Well I wouldn’t let anyone move into my home who didn’t like my dog. A man would go over my pet. But given the circumstances you have to ask your grandad if he wants to rehouse the cat. It’s unfair on him. No doubt if you take the cat back your dp will make it unbearable every time the cat behaves like a cat. I’m sure there’s a loving home out there for the cat

Sorry OP, I am of the belief you shouldn't move some where that doesn't allow pets, if you have pets.
I say that as a pet owner, renter, and parent.

I don't have cats but if dp insisted I rehome my dog, he would be swiftly kicked out the door. He new you had cats when he met you.

Dp that is, not my dog.

Poor cat

Agree with those saying best to rehome. I'm also with your DP, I think it's good for kids to grow up around animals, but definitely not ones who don't use their litter tray

Go and get your pets back and rehome DP. Any man who sits back and lets you rehome your beloved pets isn’t worth keeping.

Rehome your DP not the poor cat!