About DP's XW?

[Rtmhwales]

DP and his XW have two children, DS1(6) and DS2(3). They also have a very laid out parenting agreement registered with the court, and 50/50 shared custody (not the U.K.).

DP just arrived at XW's house to pick up his DC and they weren't there, so he rang her. She didn't answer. Text back a few minutes later to say they were at the local playground and could he meet them there. Completely against our country's current covid-19 regulations. He rang me and I suggested he keep a cool head about this, and she often blows up over minor things and we're all stressed enough at the moment without her constant barrage of texts after they have a parenting disagreement.

DP arrives at the park to find her with the kids, plus her two friends and their kids. All clamoring on the play equipment, no social distancing in effect. He bit his tongue, collected the boys to take to his car. When he picked up DS2, he noticed he was warm. He asked XW why he's warm and she said he's come down with something. DP left the park with the kids and came home incensed. Text XW asking why the kids are out at the park, especially when DS2 has a fever today. She text back: "DS2 has had a fever for three days now, he was bored and irritable, I can't keep the kids locked up forever. It's bad for their mental wellbeing."

We're horrified. She has a huge back garden for the boys and the weather here has been nice. Now she's taken DS out sick to play with three other kids and his brother touching who knows what.

My AIBU - DP thinks this gives us justification to keep both boys for an entire week until symptoms are gone, and potentially a week longer now that DS1, DP, and myself have been exposed. Their parenting agreement is really clear and covers sickness, stating the kids must go back to the other parent's house even if they're sick, unless they have a doctor's note. Obviously right now that's not possible. XW is likely to take DP to court over breaching this agreement. They're due to go back to their mum's in two days.

Would we be unreasonable to keep the kids the two week waiting period in this scenario?

I think you'd be perfectly sensible in this instance to keep the children with you..
if you're concerned then call 111 and seek their advice which I'm sure we are all clear on, but obviously put it in writing and clearly set out why.
Best of luck

Not unreasonable at all.

YANBU. She sounds insane. Hope DS is okay.

Try offering to keep them "for a bit longer than usual" while he gets better? She is completely in the wrong, but may be at the end of her tether and would welcome the break and would take him up on the offer with relief. Then maybe you get the right outcome without a big falling out?

Good grief that's batshit!!!

Posted too soon!! I mean XW not you!

Keep the children not a court in the land would say move them again'

SummerInSun we've already offered to keep them to give her a break or just to make it easier as we are both wfh now. She demands the scheduled transfers go off at the exact minute the agreement says, so that won't work.

It's just so disheartening. Even if he doesn't have the virus, I don't think it's the best parenting. They have a huge garden with trampoline and sandbox and a huge playroom for the kids at her house.

Well she was completely wrong for taking them out, but I don't think you can keep the children from their mother for 2 weeks.

Can’t really see why it would be necessary to keep them wit you for two weeks tbh. Why would it make a difference as to who has them now both you and Xw have been in contact with ds who has a fever? Return them as per Court order and suggest she needs to keep herself and dc isolated for two weeks. Hopefully she’ll take notice, but unfortunately you can’t police her stupidity. The alternative is having all kinds of drama kicking off.

She was an idiot but frankly it sounds like your DH is using the kids to punish her, and perhaps this is why she insists on sticking to the letter of the agreement if he has form for doing that.

I notice your not in the UK, here if one person has a fever the whole house must isolate for 14 days - do you have a similar rule?

Yanbu. I'm not in the uK and stuff like this is taken very seriously. In fact this happened, and the police came through immediately and removed the kids from the parent putting them at risk. Our president is very clear, shit like this will not be tolerated. We have a hotline to report stuff like this and action is taken immediately

Let her take your ex to court and prove to them what she did. Hardly a great mother if shes doing this.