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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really worried I'm going to get in trouble with work?

32 replies

twinkletits99 · 01/04/2020 18:17

My mental health is really struggling at the moment. I'm in court proceedings and have a very long statement to write, as well as working at home, all whilst looking after my 17 month old which has to take priority. I am worried I am going to get in trouble with work for not sending my son to childminder as I am a key worker and had this option. I deemed it too high a risk as I live with NHS front line and my son has had some health issues. Ok this was over a year ago but he stopped breathing and I don't want to take any risks. Work have suddenly started sending me extra work because other people are struggling to get theirs done. I feel completely overwhelmed, and also feel entirely static. Like nothing is being done. My house is a mess. I am not eating properly and not finding time to get out of the house at all. I know it could be a whole heap worse but I feel like work will not understand that I didn't want to send my son to the childminder and will not sympathise with how little time I have. Help!

OP posts:
WhenDoIGetToSleep · 01/04/2020 18:26

I'm not medically qualified in any way but it sounds like you're experiencing classic depression/anxiety symptoms.

I strongly recommend trying to get a telephone appointment with your GP and explain everything to them. I appreciate they're busy but I really think you need to reach out.

Take care of yourself and your DS.

Thanks
Original poster
twinkletits99 · 01/04/2020 18:34

I have anxiety and am medicated for it. I take sertraline. I don't think I have depression but do very much appreciate your message. Thank you x

OP posts:
panicstationsready · 01/04/2020 18:37

Work have suddenly started sending me extra work because other people are struggling to get theirs done.

This makes me think that they are accepting that people are struggling - so you need to tell them! Spell it out.

Roxymoomoo · 01/04/2020 18:46

Do a worry tree... google it... get your thoughts in order.
This shall pass.

DrManhattan · 01/04/2020 18:47

You are not indispensable to work but you are to your son so you need to look after yourself. Tell work you cant do any extra at the moment. Xx

Couchbettato · 01/04/2020 18:47

I'm also due to go back to work soon after maternity leave. I just can't for the love of me bring myself to put DS with a childminder. He's had infection after infection this year (none respiratory though), and I get annual pneumonia any way because off lung damage from a blood clot many years ago meaning I don't take very deep breaths.
I have no alternative childcare and am a key worker, not front line.
All of this is giving me anxiety so I will be going and getting signed off for stress and anxiety until my workplace can find a suitable alternative for me.

AnotherEmma · 01/04/2020 18:50

How many other children does your childminder look after? Does the childminder have a partner and if so are they working from home or out of the home? Does anyone in their household have health conditions that make them vulnerable?

Depending on the answers to all of the above I would seriously consider sending him to the childminder. It's not the same as nursery where there are more staff and children. And it's just not realistic to look after a toddler full time and do your usual amount (or more) of work.

Flowers
PolloDePrimavera · 01/04/2020 18:51

It's all too much and overwhelming. You need to break it down into separate chunks, they all sound like a lot to deal with but better than all lumped together. Think about the things you can control. Can you not tell work that you can't take on more work? And you and your partner are key workers? Does the childminder have many other kids to look after? I know your DS has health issues but I really would think about sending him.

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 01/04/2020 19:06

I don't have a partner it's just me and my son. I love with another family member who is a doctor. He's not around to help and is working insane hours. We are trying to avoid each other as much as possible at home. Childminder has three other children there (all her own). She is now 80% furloughed and I believe that she wanted to be as my fees on their own would be miniscule. I think she was anxious to have my son there as her daughter has bad asthma. Not bad enough to be shielded though. It felt wrong on every level to send him.

OP posts:
TerrorWig · 01/04/2020 19:11

You need to be honest that they are sending you too much to be able to complete.

If you're not frontline medical (which you're clearly not) you might be a keyworker but no one will die. I am also a non-medical key worker, I've been working hard but I deliberately took an hour to have a walk today as 12 hour working days combined with not being able to go outside has me stir crazy. And I don't have a small child to look after!

Take care of yourself. You are allowed to prioritise yourself sometimes.

bridgetreilly · 01/04/2020 19:12

You need to talk to your manager.

Employers need to recognise that when someone is working from home and doing childcare, there is no way they can maintain the normal level of productivity. Not for the long haul.

Marieo · 01/04/2020 19:12

It does sound overwhelming OP. Have you spoken to work?

mummytippy · 01/04/2020 19:27

I would feel the same as you in your circumstances.
I have a friend who's a keyworker and she has chosen not to send her 2 children to school. They are 14 and 12 with no underlying health issues.
I I were you, I would be honest with work and explain how you're feeling. You should not feel like you should send your child to a childminder. It is your choice what you decide to do.
As far as other workers struggling, why should this fall on you.
We are all only human and can only do what we can do Flowers

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 01/04/2020 19:28

I feel like I have a duty of care to all of my colleagues. I hate the idea of anyone else struggling because I can't get the work done. I just can't do it though.

OP posts:
Meaniebobeanie · 01/04/2020 19:33

Time to talk to your manager you are going to have burn out Sad

mummytippy · 01/04/2020 19:33

You should not feel responsible for them. As you have said your child comes first and in order to take care of them, you need to feel 100%.
It's called the 'oxygen mask' theory... you have to put your own on first in order to put the mask on of others who depend on you.
You need to not feel bad/guilty about work and be honest with them.
They should realise that you working in an office and your child at a childminders usually is VERY different to working at home with an 18 month old toddling about... and it is completely fine not to be sending them to said childminder. Family first xx

Healthyandhappy · 01/04/2020 19:33

Go of sick xx

Samtsirch · 01/04/2020 19:37

@twinkletits99
Did you start a thread earlier about going off sick ?
I may be confusing you with someone else though 🙂

Marieo · 01/04/2020 19:39

Your manager has a duty of care to you as well @twinkletits99, it's hard to tell when someone is overwhelmed when you're working from home, they probably keep giving more work just because they don't know you are struggling. It's all very much a different world at the moment, and as a team I am sure things can be sorted.

thereisfreedomwithin · 01/04/2020 19:40

It will be better when the proceedings are over

Original poster
twinkletits99 · 01/04/2020 19:41

@samtsirch definitely not me! Haven't even considered going off sick. Would rather wait just in case I do get coronavirus to go sick.

OP posts:
5zeds · 01/04/2020 19:41

It is better to say you can’t get it done than wait to fail. Always. Your priorities sound good and sensible. You are being a good mum, a responsible colleague and are in a very tough position. Well done. Trust yourself. You sound like you are doing well.

Brew
ITasteSpring · 01/04/2020 19:53

I agree with PP who said that if your are sending you extra stuff as others are overwhelmed they are trying to accommodate those who are struggling - and that is clearly you! Speak up - it's not fair that you take on extra work when you are clearly not able to. I do understand how you feel about not wanting to badly impact on colleagues, but clearly your colleagues ARE speaking up about being overwhelmed to get a reduction in their own workload.
I am struggling too, - when in a skype team meeting they were asking ow we were doing I started to say how hard I was finding it. I have been offered a temporary reduction in hours. When I have completed two deadlines in a few weeks I am going to consider it.

Theresnobslikeshowb · 01/04/2020 20:13

Long story condensed. But it’s a tell someone story.

I was working under 4 managers. I would often complete all my work and help them with theirs. 6:30am I had a conversation with one, who had an ‘important’ thing to do, but it was one of those important things that always ended up at the bottom of the important pile as other stuff came in. I said send it all to me and I will do it. 6pm I phoned and told her it was all done. She cried, and said she didn’t realise how much it was weighing on her until it was now complete.

I was then put up for promotion. The director spoke to the managers, and the work I was doing for them was mentioned. The director had no problem with it being delegated, but she wished they’d all mentioned they were getting snowed under because she would have done something, even if it meant employing someone 2 days a week to cover the admin. But she couldn’t do anything because no one told her.

Bubblewings · 01/04/2020 20:28

OP please think of your own health at the moment, that’s more important than anything along with your daughter.
Also, your childminder should be completely closed as her son is high-risk with asthma - there is no grey area on that.

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